Puppy, I do agree with you. I did already know this and have the choice to make; Accept my W's offer to quit college and so avoid the OM. This would in the long term cause the problem of taking away one of her dreams and her opportunity to do something for herself.
WRONG! You would be FIGHTING for her, and allowing her to learn to live with the CONSEQUENCES of her own poor decisions and choices.
BIG difference.
If I tell my child that "if you are not in bed with lights-out by 9 o'clock, then you will lose video games for tomorrow," and I enforce that, did I "take away" their video games, or did their own choice to violate the rule (boundary) cause the consequences to kick in??
Quick post to say I have confronted her about the phone and course....
She cut up the sim card, and cancelled the account.
She has quit college.
She reiterates that she wants to try for our M.
I confronted her about the cake eating and that she had the perfect set up - the boys looked after with their dad, Me in tow, and her emotionional excitement with the OM.
She says she wants to continue councelling and make our M work.
We will see.....
Regards, Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Quick post to say I have confronted her about the phone and course....
You stood up... now look at the results:
Originally Posted By: Gynandtonix
1. She cut up the sim card, and cancelled the account. 2. She has quit college. 3. She reiterates that she wants to try for our M.
Finally, she is showing you ACTIONS that she is committed to reconciliation. Every one of the above is POSITIVE!
Yes, you are correct that she is going to go through withdrawal. That is a given. The two of you have your work cut out for you to rebuild your "connection". It's not easy.
May I suggest that you slip in the following into your conversation some time:
"W, I appreciate your commitment to our M. I want you to know that I still support your dreams for an education. Right now our mutual priority is our family. Once we are back on an even keel and we're back on track I won't have a problem if you decide to resume your studies at a later date."
The above will give her the hope she needs and understanding that her dreams have not been wrecked.
Originally Posted By: Gynandtonix
I confronted her about the cake eating and that she had the perfect set up - the boys looked after with their dad, Me in tow, and her emotionional excitement with the OM.
Fine. You said it once and now drop it. You don't need to mention this again. It doesn't do your R any good to keep rubbing it in her face. And YES, I understand that you are hurting and it will take time for you to recover too.
Originally Posted By: Gynandtonix
She says she wants to continue councelling and make our M work.
I'm glad your MC doesn't take crap from either of you. One of your next steps is rebuilding trust. Speak to your C to cover the importance of TRANSPARENCY at this point in time.
All-in-all, I'm glad for you G&T and hope the two of you can recover.
Good luck.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
