Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Young Couple, WAW, Kids, Individual Problems

Not at all, but she wouldn't want something like a car accident to happen without having the baptism first. My mom is a devout Catholic, and I consider myself Catholic as well. W converted from Wiccan.... ya.... Since our breakup she changed her religion on MySpace to "other". Not only that, but her R status is engaged and her sexual orientation changed from bisexual (she really was bisexual) to straight, but she's "found the person she wanted to be". IMO I had far more right at the baptism than she did, because I know I'm far more interested in staying in the religion than she is. I would have preferred both of us to be there, as I said before, on better terms with each other whether that meant R or D. Limbo is no place to stay for 6 months, and my attempts at taking myself out of limbo were cut short. Venting here has done a lot of good, I'm going to call D5's counselor tomorrow as soon as I can figure out what part to begin with, and start the talks with her on getting me my own IC.

My IC has helped keep me from losing it at times - great to hear, Mark!

Today I had court for the social services case with my kids, W and OM were there, and after waiting 15 min for court to start I realized I had a staring problem. I didn't notice W or OM having a staring problem, but then W developed a staring problem. She put her sunglasses on in the courthouse outside the courtroom and laid her head on OM's chest while staring at me. I got the finger no less than twice (it was the scratch the temple kind). We waited a whole hour for court to start, the 1st 15 min being my staring problem and the last 45 min being W's. Amazingly OM didn't even glance, I was impressed. After court W and I exited the same door as each other, and my mom and OM exited a different door. While W and I were waiting for the other 2 she gave me dirty looks, I just sat there blank. She whipped around & walked off... whatever she needs to do to make herself feel better I suppose.

I also found out today W got fired from her job. This makes 3 jobs in a row that will be a bad reference - 2 from leaving for separations, and 1 for being lazy at work then showing up extremely late. She has only worked retail, OM works fast food.... A WINNING COMBINATION!!! My "usual" job is hotel desk, that should be changing in a few months. Good news for me is I should triple my income, making it possible to support the fam for once. I really gotta come up with my boundaries for this - dealbreakers that include coming back cuz of things that include:

if W loses custody of the kids
if I graduate and she finds out how much money I'm making at a cool new job
if OM leaves her because "he is going to leave and I will be alone" - I don't know that it's my job to fix that anymore, it certainly wasn't her job to keep me company

But knowing me I'll probably be a sucker for her sob story. I'm hoping whatever she does it's not just enough to convince me, but enough to actually be believable to an outsider. It surely won't impress any of my friends. Speaking of, I wonder how many of her friends (previously our mutual friends) would like to know the full truth about some of her lies.... ah, the buttons I wish I could push but sadly I know better.

ok, so some new news from a recent ex-coworker of my W's - she's lying about reasons she got fired. instead of being too late for work 1 too many times, she and OM tried to scam the store. something about 2 dvd players for the price of 1. this coincides with their desperate need for cash, because wtf would they need 2 dvd players for? if this is true she's not likely to find a new job any time soon. they're going to be broke & evicted & i'm going to sit & watch her fall on her ass.

I really need some emergency help with a response to this 1, I'm going to play the "I was in school" but that'll only work for the next hour.

Texts from W:

Hey I left u a message in myspace how is life and ur love life?

I just want to know if ur happy and not lonely

Myspace message from W:

Since u like to stare but won't say a word to me I guess I will be the bigger person and talk to u. There r s few things to discuss like the girls. I found out they won't be just giving one of our rights back but both. With that it is a decision between you and me who is going to have primary custody so I am going to ask u to grant me primary custody of the girls and we can set up some visitation schedule for u weather it be weekends or some other type of set up idc just let me know ur decision . Thanks
W

OK, the myspace message about business is fine, I can just say I'll have to think about it.... do I respond to the other? Note that the myspace message was sent first, although I read it 2nd. I love the snap between business and "concerned".

Don't respond to the one asking about your relationships and how you're doing. Keep things strictly business.

Think about what you want first. Have you talked to a L? Do you want primary custody?

I would suggest that when you respond to the custody email, just say "I need to run this by my L" and then end it. Even if you don't have a L, send the message anyway. Then don't respond back to her. Keep it short and sweet. You know what she wants, now it's time to figure out what you want.

Here's a little more on the specifics of my sitch:

social services took our kids & placed them with my parents, I moved in with my parents (unfortunately showing weakness to my WAW, but at least I get to be around the kids), W lives with OM

Before the kids were taken we had already had talks about the "if", and at the time I said I didn't feel I could parent full-time. I have been going to FT school & FT work at the same time for the last 2 1/2 years. I will graduate in early May and that should turn things around with that, but the conversations about how she'd likely have more custody is pretty damaging. The good side of that is it was a year ago, and since then a lot has changed for both of us. I do have a court appointed lawyer for the social services & criminal cases I'm up against, but he can't help with the D. Right now nobody has filed yet anyways. To the courts I basically look like the screw-up that at least has goals, she looks like the crazy person who runs on a whim. I think it's far too early for this talk, since the next court date is in April and there's still a lot to be said from everyone involved. I will really try to avoid phone contact, text only would be nice. I g2g for now, but will check back soon. I'll try to play "busy" too so I have time between msgs with W.

It sounds like neither of you are in the right place to be parents. Maybe you two need to speak to a family counselor first to see exactly where you two are and how you can best take care of the needs of the kids.

If the two of you don't get to the root of your problems, neither of you will be fit to take care of the kids.

We do have a family counselor, who is appointed thru social services. That's why it's surprising this is all happening on the timeline she suggested. I have been questioning if it really is happening on that timeline or if she's imagining things. The way I see things I'm not going to be ready to be a parent until I graduate, but saying that to W or anyone of authority will likely cause damage. My problem is I took on too much at once and was having troubles coping, then the kids were taken, things got even harder to cope with and W left, and now I'm in a worse place mentally but in an easier place to be led around to finish up school, etc. W is in a place where she has no help except for OM, cut ties with her parents (got a restraining order against them), has to write bad checks & steal to survive, and just lost her job. The only thing that's improved her situation is seroquil and therapy, but all that does is dull down the temper explosions. It doesn't keep her from being vindictive. I honestly think that come May or June I'll be ready, and I can't speak for her. She still hasn't had a turn around of any sort, only the stabilized moods.

A long time has gone by now & no response, sounds like a win for today. I have a feeling she's going to try to start the kids war. Lucky for me we have at least until court in April before she has any chance at getting her rights to the kids back. On the other side of things I'm thinking her having the kids might do me some good, because OM hasn't had kids and before he was with W was completely against ever having any. According to W this has changed, and it must have changed at least a bit for him to stay with W, but it makes me wonder how much he'll stick with her. It's funny, she has no job & will expect him to raise & support my kids while she stays at home. I just lol'd.l