Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Stupid is as Stupid Does

I often have thought that if my XH had died on his deployment instead of coming home and putting me through years of hell it would have been easier. First, it would have been much more final, death brings pretty instant closure and no chance of reconciliation. Second, I would not have to live with the memories of the horrible things he said and did, the As, the financial repercussions (hell, instead of him running up thousands in credit card debt, I would have gotten his life insurance policy!).

Morbid and twisted, I know. But what else do you have to think about in the first months after the bomb when you are depressed and crying yourself to sleep?

I have had that thought too, except it would devastate my kids...

Truth be told they have prob had similar thoughts about us. If we just 'disappeared', they wouldn't have to attempt to look us in the eye and lie anymore, wouldn't have to deal with their guilt as much, etc etc...

I keep thinking of the 150,000 life insurance policy. The policy that pays off the house, and me, being his wife, would get that.

I know its morbid, but I suppose part of that is the anger phase of acceptance. Is there an anger phase of acceptance?

LOL, I know at some point I will have to talk to him, and he will call.

I think I will not call him back.

BBJ guess he gets points for still being a good dad lol. I definitely was glad we didn't have kids (although it sucks in a way because every couple I know either just had a kid or is pregnant and I am not able to be one of them).

I am glad there were no kids, but we do still have the bankruptcy for the next 3.5 years. Once that is all paid, then he can sign my car over to me, and I won't have to talk to him again.

Michelle, is it permanent about not having kids, or just right now?

Ummmm...only every darned day!!!!



Yeah, until they let the policy you have paid into for 15 years lapse due to idiocy!



But then they would have to have a conscience. LOL! Feel remorse....LOL......FAT CHANCE!

The good part is that WE can feel that we gave it our all and we have not regrets....right?

Not sure. RB won't have kids (he has some medical stuff that is genetic and decided a long time ago that he wouldn't put a child through those issues), so if we stay together, I guess it's permanent.

I don't have any real strong desire to have kids. It just makes me horribly jealous to see all my friends having what I thought I'd have. A M and kids. Instead I get to be the youngest divorcee. It makes me bitter.

God I STILL think that now and then. I thought I was a mean person to have this kind of thoughts. I go there everytime I feel things are so complicated and will only go on like this for ever. But like BBj, my kids' pain makes me change my line of thinking quickly...

I remember when he left it was Nov 17th (2,5 years ago!!!...), my nameday was Nov 21st and he called to wish me Happy Nameday. I was devasted, in shock, pain, crying, loosing it. I started yelling at him "I wish you were dead, I just wish you were dead!!!!" on the phone. Back then, it was another proof to him he made the right choice and told me I wasnt civil and a "[censored] soul"(Greek for being a very low form of life). He ate those words...

Michelle, you can adopt if you stay together. I think THAT is even MORE powerful/good than giving birth to a baby. It's giving a child a REbirth, a second chance in life...

For the time being, dont worry about it...

I like the way you thought of that K. A Rebirth! That is nice. I've always liked the thought that adopted children have a wonderful gift. They were chosen specifically just for them, not by genetics.