Does he really want half-time custody with the lifestyle he's wanting?
I don't know. But I do know that 50% custody = no child support payments. And I know from H's past business dealings that he hates having ongoing financial obligations to people (always tries to pay them out).
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
My H and I have different opinions on how to handle separation with S. I believe he is so little, he needs to be in his own home, his routine, his bed. I do not want him shuffling back and forth. H has gone along with this and stayed here half time. I'm always here whether H is here or not. I personally think this has made it much more secure on S.
I agree, and I'm especially worried for my D3...she might be pretty distressed. OTOH, I know that H doesn't want to hang around here. I don't know.
Originally Posted By: Hope4Luv
My IC says the most important thins is that at least one parent is consistently there for the child and that you listen to their feelings. Also, if they are feeling things they can't put their fingers on, you know what they are feeling and allow space for that. What else can we do?
Yeah. And H is a bit defensive when I tell him things that the children say and says things like "he seems fine to me!", etc. He doesn't understand that they show their feelings more to me than to him.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
What can you do while waiting for your H's MLC to clear up? What do "they" recommend? Give space, be calm,pamper yourself?
Oh, the usual DB stuff -- GAL, protect yourself, deal with your own stuff, don't let them spew on you.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
email to H in response to him wanting to reduce my access to the line of credit, or split it up between us:
Quote:
Hi Flowdad,
I agree with using XXXX of the line of credit to pay off part of my credit card. I also agree to not use the line of credit without your prior agreement.
The line of credit is secured against the equity in our home.
I am hesitant about giving up my access to a low interest rate line of credit and I would want financial advice before doing that. If it's important to you to change the line of credit access, within what time frame do you need an answer from me after I seek financial advice? This is something that I'd prefer to do in the medium term rather than the short term. In the short term I want to focus on moving forward with my career and life, helping S6 with his issues, and helping both children to cope with the emotional impact of this transition.
Flowmom
UGH. I had trouble writing that without bringing up D or saying: how am I going to pay for a lawyer when I am a SAHM??? Right now H is living in a dreamworld thinking that we'll do mediation without a L, but I'm starting to think that would be really, really stupid of me. Given my emotional state, I think I need someone in my corner. I don't know...I also don't want to spend lots of cash that we don't have on lawyers...torn.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Don't agree to mediation or anything now. Stall. Can he reduce your line of credit unilaterally or not? Is he informing you or does he need your permission?
Here's how I see your situation: Your H is depressed. He may have an upcoming health issue. You have said that you think part of the reason he wants joint custody is to owe less $. But will he, due to his depression, life plans, or possible future health problems be able to follow through with the half-time custody reliably and is that good for the kids if he's always angry?
If it looks like maybe not, then you will be stuck paying for childcare while working and he won't HAVE to help more financially and you WILL take this added burden on because you have to and because you care.
I would be very cautious. How he acts now as he gets his ducks in a row for $ reasons doesn't mean he will follow through in a year. And not because he doesn't love the children. Becaues of depression and health and who knows what.
My H keeps forcing me into mediation, but I have yet to go. Like you I just dont feel emotionally that I will managed and dont want to make a mistake that could effect my sons and my life.
Wait until you are ready. In the meantime I am consulting my L, a costly expense that I cant afford, but I have to get this right for the next 12 years so I am prepared to pay a little more now if I have to.
Anyway I am not sure how it is there, but here agreements made in mediation can be changed and could end up in a L visit anyway.
I have been told and it is true - there is no such thing as a amicable D.
Me 37 years young!! S11 S7 T22 M14 D final 13.05.2010 Today is the first day of the rest of my life!!! First post: D Day has arrived
Can I have feedback on the email that I sent him? I want to make sure that I'm am on the right track with conveying firm yet cooperative...
He tried to get me to agree to mediation the day before he moved out!!!!! I was so in shock that I sorted of agreed, but then a week later I said that I was not ready yet. So he's biding his time.
He wants to get my name off the line of credit so that I don't incur more debt that he would be responsible for in the event of D. I know he's getting free legal advice if he hasn't hired a lawyer already.
Between the kids' overnight tomorrow night and him bringing up this line of credit thing, I'm feeling some "let's get on with this" vibes from H. I guess he figures it's been a whole 53 days already!!
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
On a more positive note...here are some things I'd like to concentrate on:
* emotionally absorbing that I've been dumped * getting legal advice * dealing with my brutal procrastination issues with my work * continuing IC * continuing to work on my appearance * learning to flirt and practicing it * helping kids with emotions * figuring out some vacations and getaways * exercising
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
