A part of me thnks that its just a line because after my wrong doing in (June 2008) we still had intimacy after that.. The intimacy stopped once I read the Text message in Jan 2009.
Seems like this is a pretty clear observation.
What makes you not listen to this part of you?
They all dredge up the past in search of justification.
Robx, thanks for the thoughts. my problem is that I just dont want to let go. Its difficult. I read your thoughts on Luv thread.. I am going to stop persuing. I guess gotta go cold turkey completely. Its a behaviour that I am not used to.. It hurts badly......
My W asked me last night if I would be willing to go out for dinner with her friend and husband later in the month? I said Im not sure... I left it at that. Her friend is someone I know a long time too, and has no idea we are going through this. A part of me tells me that I should just say no.. The other part wants to go and show that I can have a good time regardless of whats going on..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Trapt, not sure I understand this question you had..
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Oh, thanks for the clarity.. Yes, I do believe that it gives her justification to act and feel the way that she does.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Yes she's in love with her feelings, so how do you get to her, do you disagree with her feelings that she's justified, wouldn't that make her reject you evening more.
I would agree with her, "You're right, you're justified in thinking this way, I was wrong, I should have done better, I guess that's why things are over between us"
"You're right, you'll never be able to trust me, I let you down, I should have done better, I was dumb, you're right"
"You're right, us splitting up is the right thing to do, I agree with you, this will never work out"
Stop defending yourself, don't say "I did this because this, this and that", you just say "you're right, I was wrong, I was dumb, I should have acted better, I should have been a better husband, that's why I totally agree with the way you feel now, I don't hold anything against you"
counter-intuitive and downright weird but highly effective and at the same time, you're upbeat, happy, life is good, your eyes are open, life will be good, even if she wants to leave and she will have nothing to fight against with an attitude like that - how could she, if that's what she wants and you're agreeing (without being wimp and sobbing horribly).
If you have apologized for your actions in the past and made honest change as to not repeat it again then it should be forgiven. Not used by her as justification and control.
I take it that is her reasoning behind wanting space and stopping intimacy. Not likley.
The "friend" is the cause of all that.
The past doesn't give her a pass to have a "friend."
Yes she's in love with her feelings, so how do you get to her, do you disagree with her feelings that she's justified, wouldn't that make her reject you evening more.
I would agree with her, "You're right, you're justified in thinking this way, I was wrong, I should have done better, I guess that's why things are over between us"
"You're right, you'll never be able to trust me, I let you down, I should have done better, I was dumb, you're right"
"You're right, us splitting up is the right thing to do, I agree with you, this will never work out"
Stop defending yourself, don't say "I did this because this, this and that", you just say "you're right, I was wrong, I was dumb, I should have acted better, I should have been a better husband, that's why I totally agree with the way you feel now, I don't hold anything against you"
counter-intuitive and downright weird but highly effective and at the same time, you're upbeat, happy, life is good, your eyes are open, life will be good, even if she wants to leave and she will have nothing to fight against with an attitude like that - how could she, if that's what she wants and you're agreeing (without being wimp and sobbing horribly).
I agree. You just can't waiver here. No halfway about it.
If you have apologized for your actions in the past and made honest change as to not repeat it again then it should be forgiven. Not used by her as justification and control.
I take it that is her reasoning behind wanting space and stopping intimacy. Not likley.
The "friend" is the cause of all that.
The past doesn't give her a pass to have a "friend."
