Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy W officially in R w/ OM-

I agree again- if that is the case, they are perfect for one another. I am really trying to just take care of myself- I have never cared about M so much as I do right now.

The good news is that someone will benefit from it- I just wish that I could do the right thing and only have 1 marriage that stood the test of time. One W to fight with me for us.

I heard OM on the phone lastnight when he called W- "Hey Gorgeous."

I did that at the beginning too- and it sounds so cheezy for me to hear it right now, and even sickens me that it makes W's head swim-

I've done what I can do- there has been alot of sabotage, and I fear that W might be a borderline- so anything from me is associated w/ disappointment and pain. Anything from her will only hurt me.

It's amazing how much things can change in 6 months, and the gradual changes made months before that- catalyzed by two OM...

You live in the same home with her and this man calls your house? I would have my phone service block his number... or cancel phone service entirely...

Your wife is very likley quite depressed and is using the affair as an escape from that... often waywaryd spouses get really sad and confused, and then they meet a predator who takes that away with a temporary excitement.. its just like pushing drugs...

sorry- she was over briefly- she moved out 1 month ago. She answered her cellular.

I agree- W also started drinking months ago and has been sober for 5 years,, I also suspect illicit substances as OM is known for partying as well.

I'v tried to gain info and evidence to support an intervention, but have thus far failed.

And once more I am viewed as the STBX who's grasping at straws...

Her exit strategy has been in place for a while. She made sure to keep her business friends away from me. Never inviting them out w/ us or over to the house. Once she made her decision I was a leper (sp).

Brilliant- in the grand scheme of things. I agree about the excitement and the depression.

Then you lay out a hard boundary -- RIGHT THERE.

"Wife, I can hear that that's your boyfriend. I won't be disrespected that way in my own house -- please call him back later, or take it outside. (no pause) Thank you."

Nip this one NOW.

Puppy

Don't even call him a boyfriend.. I referred to the OM preying on my home as "the creep" and didn't refer to it as calling our home but ias PREYING on it...

"Wife, I can hear him preying on our marriage. I won't tolerate our marriage disrespected that way in own home -- take it outside ... (no pause) Thank you. If he calls here again I am calling the police."

and stand thre until she does something... make NOISE to drive her out of the home if you have to...

I woudl stress the fact to your freinds that your wife is on medication and this guy is exploiting that... This is a serious predator...

The most devious thing I can think of is to hire a woman to hit on this guy in front of your wife... to expose his lack of true commitment...

This is NOT a tested strategiy and is outright devious - its just something that I came up with in my head, but in serious cases where your wife's stability is in question and this guy is exposed to possible drugs and alcohol you may just have to get ruthless to expose these guys

Your wife will need to SEE this guy cheat on her and hurt her... to wake her up out of the fog I think

Good angle.

Allen- i appreciate all the advice you've given me. I share your same sentiments and values of M. I understand that A's will hoodwink the wayward spouse- I also understand the wayward fog and all the shape-shifting backdrop that is the marital history- even worse, I have experienced the venom spew from W and the piercing lies-

I should run the other way, but I don't want to- I have outed what I can, from here I will continue to protest when it is not going out of my way, I will establish boundaries, and I will keep away from the pain.

I just don't have it in me to fight like this anymore- the more I do the more stressed W and I become. The more my name is dragged through the mud as a crazy STBX.

I know who my friends are now- and I know that W and MIL are not, for MIL has been dosed with the same lies as everyone else.

Help me build a plan-

My Goal- to allow W's fantasy to fall apart, to have her experience a crisis, and see OM fall from his perch.

I think I should go LRT.

LRT?

Hmmm.. your wife is in teh heat of things now... the reality has to set in... we may have to go old school on this guy