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Things got better today, got back to class, etc. Still not entirely in the routine but it's an improvement. My teachers are willing to work with me, that's #1. I got a really good attorney for the criminal matters, hopefully that gets settled low but I doubt if I'll luck out with a dismissal like the lat time. The biggest thing for me in the accident was hitting my face on the steering wheel. I almost lost my tongue, luckily it was still partially attached & they sewed it back on & it seems to be healing nicely but isn't quite there yet. I had 2 stitches to the outside of my lower lip, cut those out yesterday & it looks nice & healed on the outside. What bothers me even more than my tongue is I have a huge sore on the inside of my lower lip that makes it really swollen so I can't drink out of the middle of my mouth. I've resorted to drinking everything out of emptied water bottles with spouts.

So... steps... My main priority is catch up on school work, apparently I should be able to do that by the beginning of next week. I still have my job but my parents want me to cut back to weekends cuz the late nights are killing me. My dad wants me to work at his office 3 hours a day 3 days a week to keep me on only weekends at the hotel, that will probably be a good thing. But crazy thing - still no talk - wtf.

So here's an advice question - I told the W yesterday that I'd fill her in later on the details, do I actually call her to do that or let her call me first? Obviously that's not pursuing on my part, but then again idk how much I really want her to know. I think I best keep that to myself.

Well, another day I'll have it all figured out. By another day I mean some far off distant day, different from today and tomorrow lol. The best news right now is there is no news from today, I can live with that.

W called tonight to ask me to help pull her OM's truck out of the ditch, completely forgetting about the part where I totaled my car.... So they got out anyways, then she started talking about the kids & how my parents were not being very good to them & how social services is moving towards placing kids in the house with her & OM. This is hilarious news, as I just learned she's not far from being arrested for grand larceny, but whatever floats their boat. I didn't tell her I knew of her possible charges and will let her continue to make her own decisions. Then the conversation switched focus to me and how my life is going since my car accident. She seemed honestly concerned so I answered with short answers. Somehow my money situation came up and I said I have enough to live but not enough to replace my car (I hate that I only had liability, but couldn't afford anything else), and not enough for the apartment I wanted. That's when she found out I was just about to move, but then the accident happened & my apartment money went to pay my bond. I had this phone conversation at work (which is allowed), but after that got interrupted by customers at work. I told her I'd call back when I got caught up. When I called back I said if I got 1 more phone call we'd have to finish later, she said I already said that, so I said ok sorry I'll call back later & hung up. I realized she was viewing my calling as pursuing so I had to get out, but then I realized we had got cut off before that so I sent her a text saying sorry again, now phone went stupid, I'll ttyl when I'm not so busy. She texted back asking me to call when I got off work, so should I? We haven't talked since the accident & I know that's mostly what she wants to talk about, but do I fill her in? If I do call her I know better than to drag it out or anything, but with the perceived pursuing earlier I wonder if that's even smart.

Wow, Mark. It's hard to believe that you could have any more going on. Glad to hear that you're physically doing well and getting some good legal counsel. As far as your W goes, I would not tell her any more than you aleady have. It's really none of her business. She can't help you and it's got nothing to do with the kids. So, she doesn't need any more info. The only thing she could do is cause more trouble and you don't need that.

Now that is boundary time - helping the man who is OK to rip apart your heart/family/marriage????

I figured out what I'm doing about the phone call. Since I already agreed to call her (responded a text saying nothing but "kk" to the request to call her) I'm going to call her tonight, but since returning to work I've talked a lot more the last few days than I have in a while so I'm going to say it hurts too much to talk (I mean physically because I still have stitches in my tongue) & it's gotta be short. I'm just about to call now so I'll post the convo if she answers the phone.

OK so she just wanted me to tell her how screwed I was legally, and to that I replied not as much as it looks. I gave her a short description of how the crimes they charged me with don't apply to what really happened & it was done. I think she's trying to get info to use against me in court or something. Only worrying about the criminal charges & not any other part of the issue seems like her motives are a little off from where I'd like them so I'm going to go back to dark again.

So my mom talked to W today, she talks much more than I do. OM had court 1 state away (7 hour drive) and has to go back for sentencing. Early on before I started DBing I thought his absence would be a perfect time to make a move, but now I know that's not the case. I'm going to imagine she'll be calling me because she's lonely, and I know it's not my job to keep her company.... but what do I do? Do I help her with anything if she asks? Do I have conversations with her if she pushes for them? My guess is don't be rude and ignore or hang up on, but I'm pretty sure I'll be jumping right back in like an addict looking for a fix. Suggestions on limits?

Lately I've been missing because I've been working too much on school crap - I'm trying to write a computer program in a language I don't know! That sounds so funny every time I say it. It's a good way to keep me occupied and keeps my mind off my sitch, but prevents me from GAL IRL, and I wonder if it's healthy. In other people's threads I talk a lot about not pursuing and GAL, and now doing that has become extremely difficult for me. I still haven't had contact with her since the last time I talked about, but it's getting harder not to. Any ideas on healthy ways to cope while in the house?

I haven't gotten myself completely back out of the mindset where I'm not ready to move forward. Being in jail followed by house arrest and wrapped up in the computer I fell back into not being 100% OK with the outlook of my future with my possible D. IDK what else to say about that, I'll keep working at it. On another downside a net friend of mine phoned last night (she's an on again/off again contact) to tell me she was filing for D tomorrow because she came home yesterday from her graveyard shift to her H and OW in bed naked & passed out with some other people she didn't know passed out in the living room. She says no chance of R and I feel really bad for her. Their main complaints were her pot usage and his drinking, and how fights get near physical but not quite (intimidation), and with no kids it sounds like they have a lot more problems just between the 2 of them than me & my W have. At least that makes me feel a little grateful.

I got some mail yesterday from social services that said I screwed up again but the outcome of that is unknown. It also said even though I wasn't doing things about my mental health exactly the way social services wanted me to that my talks with D5's counselor about wanting to work things out the right way & not just doing whatever ss said was an even bigger plus than just doing it. I think I've come to the decision to start seeing a therapist before even getting on meds to see if I can't work things out that way. I'll talk to D5's counselor and see what she thinks.

Now what's really bothering me - D5 has been saying she doesn't want to go to W's house at all unless D1 comes. Last night she was dropped off by my parents and told she had to. This morning on my way out to work I went to say goodbye to D5 and she told me W and OM kissed in front of her.... not quite sure what to make of that, but she's not ready to see that from her mom. What do I say/do about it and who do I say/do it to? What am I supposed to think of her not wanting to go there? My mom is already going to talk to the social worker and D5's counselor so hopefully they have answers, but the kissing thing just topped the cake. I'm tempted to tell D5 if she doesn't like mom kissing guys to tell her not to, but of course that would put me at risk of her telling W that I said that, which would be more negative. Also if I tell W directly there is the possibility of that doing damage as well. Last I knew he wasn't supposed to even be around the kids. I think the best person to bring this up to would be D5's counselor. It just hurts me that every talk I have with D5 that W comes up in there's always something going on that is negative, and all the while social services is pushing towards giving her custody.

As for the contact with W when OM goes to jail I'm still not sure what to do. Would it be over the top if I told her it's not my job to keep her company? I actually plan on using those words, and they do sound harsh just thinking about saying it. On the other hand if the talks don't get too serious it could be positive, so I'm still not sure that's best either.

I don't see things getting any worse. I just found out my mom had D1 baptized this morning while I was at work. She had talked about doing it "soon" but not any specific time. I had requested she wait until W and I are on more friendly terms and we can both be there as co-parents. At least W got to make it, and of course she brought OM. To top the cake my parents took them out for lunch afterwards. F*** this, something needs to change.

Sorry - your own mom baptised your child without you? Was that OK with you?