Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Yes. There is a lot I could say about her, but suffice to say that she did not treat my brother and I well when we were growing up. Think Joan Crawford. When K died, she was not listed in the obit (I may have told about this) so the psycho took out her own obit. Our mother was listed as his mother. K hated her.
I am not sure how I feel about her. Right now, I can tell you that the thought of her being on my birth certificate is almost physically nauseating. She kept me in therapy dealing with the abuse for almost three years. I spent a good portion of my twenties and thirties in what is known as a disassociative state because it was too hard for me to deal. I thought I had finally put all that behind me, and then the nightmares started, and this crap.
One time, one of the only times K allowed me to cry (he was a ball buster, and if I started lamenting about the SG he would inevitably make me laugh), I asked him what the hell was wrong with me, why I couldn't make a marriage work. Remember, this is my third.
K said he felt that the psycho had screwed us both up so badly that it would be a miracle if we were ever able to have a normal relationship.
My other brother, B, who is the psycho's son, has not spoken to her in more than 10 years because of the way she treated K and I when we were growing up, and also because the psycho was so hateful to his W. Out of the four kids, J being the youngest, J is the only one who still talks to her, and she is treading on thin ice with him now.
I guess I still harbor a lot of anger for her.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Wow. I had no idea you had that abusive past Chris. I am so sorry you had to deal with all of that and are still feeling the effects of it all these years later.
(((((((((((((((Lola))))))))))))))))))))))))
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Dreams are often the subconscious' way of bringing up issues. Maybe you are going through another level of dealing. Perhaps on some level you knew cuz of the adoption she was on your birth certificate.
Petition.
Use the control you have other that to take away some of her power over you.
(((((((LOLA))))))))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I don't talk about it much, because until the last week or so, I hadn't thought about it much. I don't have contact with her, and other than the obit nightmare and having to see her at the funeral, she really doesn't exist in my mind for the most part.
My dad said had he known the birth certificate was going to change, he would not have done it. But I reminded him at that time, we really didn't know how she was. For all intents and purposes, she was supposed to be the loving mother and wife.
I am not sure if this is exacerbated by the impending divorce, and it is just easier for me to be pissed at her, because it saves me from being pissed at the SG for being such a jackass.
Methinks I have to ponder this...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Yes, it will bug me. Time I have, and work I am not afraid to do. I am going to take some time to research abrogation of an adoption this weekend, and see if I can access the paperwork.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
