I talked my wife out of divorcing me. We are just getting a separation. Even though I don't think that it is going to make a difference. I know the OM is going to be there moment to moment.
But I am going to drive on. I will not and can not let this bring me down any more. My kids are what is important to me and I will make damn sure they are comforted when their mom leaves tonight. Please give me advice as to what I should be doing for them and for me in these next coming days.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Honestly I don't know why I did that because I thought that things would be better. She already said my kids can stay with me so why would I want a lawyer?
Well, I would think that at least at the point when she PRESENTED YOU WITH LEGAL PAPERS TO SIGN, then you'd say "I'd like to have a lawyer go over these," if not sooner.
And it IS partially for your kids that you want to protect yourself!
Thank you. Any other advice? Or is it just time to let go, work on myself and kids and hope she comes back?
I suggest you IMMEDIATELY contact a good family law attorney, and find out what kind of "right of recision" you might have in your state, if any. There are defined "windows" on these sort of things.
It's hard enough to think straight when you are in such emotional turmoil. Don't be too hard on yourself, but take action to protect yourself and your kids.
If you don't have any good friends to give you a referral, try http://www.martindale.com and get a good rated lawyer. I suggest you get someone that only practices family law. Several of my lawyer friends suggested that I get a woman lawyer as well. (my legal advice is worthless!)
Hang in there.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
I told her I didn't want a divorce but would agree to a separation. She agreed and I took the divorce papers and destroyed them.
Is Db'ing worth it for me? It seems as though I am just another person to her now and that she would rather be with this OM. I'm honestly just exhausted, mentally and physically. I want to make this work because I do not and can not be a part time father.
Would calling a Db coach help me?
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
Please someone give me advice or a long list of how retarded I am being for trying to make this work. I'm am at the point of crawling out of my skin. I can't sit still, or concentrate on anything.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
You can try a DB coach- I'm sure it couldn't hurt.
I really feel for you, I am in the same sitch and have been for 6 months- we're now onto WAW w/ OM2, and WAW is out of the house.
DBing can work if done properly, it takes alot of discipline- and the point is not to save your M, but rather to save yourself and draw WAW back.
That's important to keep in mind. After 6 months, I'm right where you are, still can't focus on too much else- but we have to- have to keep the focus on YOU.
I am sorry that you are in the same sitch and I really am trying it is only day 1 so we'll see how well I can knuckle down. I want to save myself from getting hurt constantly.
I dont know what DIM is can you please explain?
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
i think he means go dark (but not totally...just dim) Sorry you are hear but i did remember one of the most important posts i saw when i first got here trying to figure out what to do.
i copied this from Sandi - it was very helpfult to me
Originally Posted By: sandi2
1.Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore! 2. No frequent phone calls to him/her.......let him/her be the one to call you. Then don't try to hang on to him/her through conversation.....say good-bye first. 3. Do not point out good points in marriage or try to get him/her to read marriage books, etc. 4. Do not follow him/her around the house like a puppy dog trying to get his/her time and attention. (Remember, you are drawing him/her back with this technique.) 5. Do not encourage talk about the future. 6. Do not ask for help from family members. 7. Do not ask for reassurances (That is showing neediness and being clingy.) 8. Do not buy gifts. (Can't buy his/her love and affection.) 9. Do not schedule dates together. (That is pursuing.) 10.Do not spy on spouse. (Not good for you and will make matters worse.) 11.Do not say "I Love You" (It is being "pushy" and trying to make him/her say it too......he/she will despise you for it.) 12.Act as if you are moving on with your life! 13.Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive at all times! 14.Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc. 15.When at home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation---then don't, wait for him/her) then, be scarce or short on words. If he/she asks what's wrong....just say "nothing". Keep it short and simple. Don't get into an argument! Stay polite and don’ t act like you are pouting. 16.If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his/her whereabouts, ASK NOTHING!! No matter what time he/she comes home! 17.You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse. 18.Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he/she will be missing. (But never ask him/her if he/she has noticed any changes!!) 19.No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him/her someone he/she would want to be around, somebody that is attractive and fun. 20.All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while) 21.Never lose your cool! Don't let him/her trap you into a fight. 22.Don't be overly enthusiastic b/c it will come across as fake. 23.Do not argue about how he/she feels (it only makes his/her feelings more negative.) 24.Be patient......very, very patient. Give him/her space and time. 25.Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you. 26.Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out (or scream and yell). 27.Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil) 28.Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly. Read self-help books, inspirational books or listen to tapes. 29.Know that if you can do 180's, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write. 30.Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy 31.Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse. 32.Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he/she is hurting and scared. 33.Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel. 34.Do not backslide from your hard earned changes
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
