Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers He said he is done!!

thanks for the link too - I am printing and going to keep with me...

well - I think I just did something different - H came to the house to get the kids and I smiled - asked how he was - even laughed with kids! taking a deep breathe now that they have left and trying not to get emotional.

lostnotgone,
How did your H react with your 180 today?

Do you know if there is an OW or not?

Our stitch are so similar, it's scary.

Good job! You can do this.

lots of us are out here reading your thread, even if we don't post. Hang in there.

He was very quiet when he picked them up - but when he came back to drop the kids off I did the same thing smiled - asked how the afternoon was - we even laughed together... WOW !!

We took a few minutes to discuss the finances and the kids and that went well too. He has been staying with him mother - but he has rented a house (not to far away - about 2 miles) and moves in 2 weeks. I keep calm - took a deep breathe and told him that I accepted what he needed to do.

I am finding that there are so many people going through the same thing or very similar - the support has been great - just having someplace to get my feelings out with the actions you receive from family and friends.

He is coming over again tomorrow to do some things around the house - keeping up the 180!!

lostnotgone,
Good job on the 180. Remember to write this down with the date, so you can look back to see a positive sign. I know I tend to dwell on the negative interactions with my H, so it's nice to have away to go back and see what created a positive encounter.

Keep it up, we are pulling for you.

I have started a journal - that really helps.

I got up this morning and of course the first thing that came to me was H again... this time it was different - I have come to the conculsion that we do need time apart - not saying that I want a D - not saying I am happy with the seperation - but this is what needs to happen now for the both of us. I can not get healthy with H here. I have to focus on me being happy and not making him happy! WOW - never thought I would say that!

H just came to the house (Again). It hurts so dang bad to see him leave.. How do I do this?

lng-

although i don't have 20 years with my H like you, i feel your pain. even after 2 years of being married, waking up in an empty bed seems like the hardest thing on earth. i always assumed he would be there and i find myself waking up each day and forgetting for half a second that he's gone, and i reach out for him. or i'll come home and call out his name, only to remember that he's not there. he hasn't even moved out yet, but has been sleeping on a friend's couch and plans to move out this weekend. we don't have any children so after he moves out i won't have the opportunity for much daily interaction with him. i know it's the hardest thing on earth to put on your game face right now and smile and be pleasant to him when what you really want to do is throw yourself at his feet and cry. i live that every day. lots of us do. i'm supposed to have lunch with my H today to go over separation papers. and i have to do it with a smile on my face. this is what he wants. whether or not it's what i want is besides the point because it's what he wants and needs right now. maybe he won't want or need this in a month or 2, maybe he will move on and file for D in 6 months. i don't know how this will end. but the other posters are right, asking him to read DB or look at the site is not going to help your case right now. trust me, i've had to resist the urge to ask my H to read them, too...i'm reading about 5 or 6 books on marriage and relationships right now, so at the very least i know that if i should end up having to go into another relationship later in my life, i'll be more prepared to not make the same mistakes.

but still. it sucks BIG TIME and there is no way around it. it's going to hurt and it's going to be hard to focus on yourself, but you deserve to focus on you after so many years of putting all that focus on your children. make your H remember the woman he fell in love with and married!

Yes it does. This is why we have to detach. It is to protect ourselves as well as to give him space. It is the most important thing to learn about DB'ingNext after the detaching we make goals for ourselves. Engage in GAL activities. We have to worry about making ourselves happy. Only we can make ourselves happy. It is not your H job to make you happy. It is your job! You have to work on this. You don't tell him what you are doing. You look in the mirror and make changes for you. If they are real then he will notice. There are no tricks only lots of hard work.