Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Think my wife is having an MLC, looking for help

If she is indeed in MLC I would not worry too much about MC. I was in it for 6 months and it really didn't do much good other than validate my W desire to D me. Not saying that their isn't a time and a place for the MC and maybe IC is a better option.

Perfect!
For the moment stick with basic DB'ing. In that respect their is not much difference between MLC and WAS.

Finally found a copy of Hold Onto Your N.U.T.S. today! Only the third or fourth bookstore I went to...

Trent,
One of the best part of Retro are the couples who continue to be involved in the program. My post Retro experience with my W has been somewhat similar to yours. However I've reached out to a couple of the host couples and they are very helpful and supportive. I actually sat down this afternoon with a couple and my life is better for the experience.

So if you are feeling down or defeated, give one of the couples a call and have a cup of coffee or lunch. Hopefully your experience will be as rewarding as mine. Interestingly enough you'll here some of the same thing as you hear here; just in person.

Trent and C-bart,

Like OP said...MC and Retro....they probably won't help due to there focus on saving the marriage. But they can also both be instrumental in keeping your own heads straight if used individually by you. MC will come if it does, if not so be it. My wife and I discussed it a few weeks ago. She was not ready for it, but would still continue IC for herself. When she was ready we would go to MC to work on things we have noted that need work. I wasn't disappointed because I realize that she is taking care of herself first and that has to happen before we work on the marriage just as I need to continue working on myself.

I caught up on your whole stich Trent....You are doing very well. I wonder about your wife being MLC, but there is definitely something a little bit more off than the usual WAS. Hopefully MACH will find you...I think his approach could really benefit you.

I haven't read the books that have been suggested, but I will make another suggestion. Look around for sites that cover true confessions of moms (not porn site...forums...need to clarify). These sites (often include wives) will give you an insight into what real wives think and feel. It is an eye opener to say the least.

Trent,

MLC is different than the other places for advice.

This one requires more patience, and what other forums would suggest as being a doormat. Seriously.

I am not big on reading psycho babble books on being a man...I figure if you HAVE to read a book about being a man...
: )
AND I caution you about what they might sugest as courses of actions being counter productive to the ones suggested in MLC.

MLC your odds are better of you quitting before she comes out of it. But one in a million or 1 in a thousand chance...you aim to be that 1.

Trent,

I would agree with Jack -- MLC would require a different approach. I think what you're going to need to very carefully determine is if your wife is truly in MLC, which these folks here should be able to help you with. I have my strong doubts, but all I have to go by is what you've posted to us since coming on here. Only YOU can determine what's the best course of action for your family.

I will pray for a good result for you, buddy.

Puppy

We gave you the resources. You need to read them and

if she in MLC.

Quickly
MLC = Depression + Unresolved childhood issues. Can be Set off by a traumatic event. Death, illness..etc

At a glance, that sounds like my wife. After I've read more I'll have a better idea.

The hormones of her "girl" problems and the change in livestyle from the online video games which cultivated the EA could have a large contribution also.

This week has been pretty quiet so far. I've been busy and she's been... well, she's playing WoW. We've had very little communication during the week.

To me, it's frustrating to hear how unhappy and directionless she feels; how there are things that she wants to see and places she wants to go, but in the end, she's happy to spend 3 hours in front of the computer. I realize that this stems from my own frustration with the game and what it has cost me.

Twice this week she has gotten off of the computer and asked if I wanted to watch a little TV right as I was planning to go to bed. The first time I acquiesed; the second time I pointed out that I was tired. She knows that I have to go to sleep earlier than she does because of my commute.

I asked her about the Retrouvaille homework. She was resistant but said that if I emailed her the info she would do it at work and we would share when we came home. She said she promised to go to the first post session, but that was it so far. Baby steps...

I've read several of the MLC resources that were suggested so far.

Hold Onto Your N.U.T.s was a more interesting read than I originally gave it credit for; for me, the info was valuable but the presentation was a little off-putting.

I very much enjoyed For Men Only; I found a copy of the audiobook so I can listen to it on my iPod on the bus as well.

As for my life and my interactions with other people, especially other women, I am gratified that so many people have been supportive of me and my struggle. I've had at least one person tell me that it's not fair that my wife cannot see the person I am (am becoming?). My response is that she is still mired in the past of an unfulfilling relationship. She doesn't want to believe that I can change, which is why I need to demonstrate that I have...