SweetCyborg, I'm so glad these sites have helped you understand. It isn't easy for us since our family and friends don't really understand what we are going through. Keep reading and learning about this, write down some goals that you would like to reach with your spouse and on your own. Learn as much as you can and then make a decision of what you want out of this relationship.
I would also suggest you read "How to be and adult in relationships" by David Richo. This book will guide you on the 5 keys to mindful loving. Topics iclude:
becoming conscious of patterns in our relationships recognizing and attracting adult love understanding the major phases of relationships maintaining healthy BOUNDERIES as we become increasingly intimate overcomming fears of abandonment or engulfment expressing anger and other emotions in adult ways surviving breakups with your self-esteem intact understanding love as a spiritual and heroic journey
This book helped me understand my need to to be with my spouse although the relationship wasn't in a healthy place. I'm sure it will help you too.
