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She is recovering? Seize this opportunity to not smother but be attentive and caring. And show yourself to be really happy, not overly happy but in positive spirits and confident. NO relationship talk of course. That will blow up in your face.
I also think the Love Dare is not a very good book. I like His needs, her needs.

I just stated this to the last person that I posted too but meetup.com has some great social groups. Do a 180 and join a new group or two, surprise her. Show that you can have a life without her. That you won't pine away for her. Of course, after she is better healthwise.

Well Tristan's wife in another thread has depression and possibly bi-polar, Indy's wife is experiencing some form of illness that I believe required hospitalization and now Trent is mentioning that his wife is in the hospital as well - I don't see this as being unique or really affecting the db process as it were.

Just my 0.02 cents.

My wife has been keeping her mom at arm's length for months because of the OM. She "wouldn't understand" that it's harmless. Now, my MIL has the advantage of being being able to be hung up on or avoided. I'll encourage her to talk to my wife.

I know my wife is starting to chafe at having someone around her all the time -- no chance for private sweet nothings with the OM.

It's been a few days now. There appears to be some softening of feelings -- I can sit down next to her on the couch and she'll take my hand.

We were giggling a little bit earlier tonight about how her mother is starting to get on her nerves, and I teased her about the fact that it's taken her a week to figure out that I started wearing aftershave. "There's a bright blue bottle sitting on the sink!"

But, she confided in me tonight that she's still uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed with me. I told her that I understood, and that I was willing to switch beds with her before her mother came to visit, but she doesn't want her mom to see how bad things are, I guess?

She said she wanted it to be the way it was, when she could snuggle with me in bed and it felt good. I asked her what she wanted me to do, and she said I could try to snuggle with her tonight. That lasted about half an hour, at which point she asked me to stop (and I did) and she got up to do something to distract herself. So I'm back here journaling.

I'm considering springing for a phone coaching session. I think I've got a handle on the basics of DBing but I could use some more specific, targeted help for my situation.

My phone sessions have been a great help to me. I heartily recommend it if you can afford it.

BTW, I would like to suggest you read 'The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I have this hunch that people who get caught up in online affairs have QT as their primary love language. Whether or not I'm right, the book will show you some great ways for you and/or your W to communicate with each other.

I guess that's what a credit card is for, right?



Based on conversations I've had with my wife, I've always felt like her primary love language is words of affirmation. But I bet quality time is up there as well.

I know my primary love language is acts of service. I guess I should get the book and find out more. Thanks for the recommendation!

You and your wife have been in a world of fantasy, She has crossed the line from fantasy to real life by engaging in at least an emotional affair.

I believe that your wife has lost all respect from you. For example I believe that when the other man's flowers were in the same room with her it was a test when she moved them closest to her. I would have taken those flowers out of the room, and if asked, say, I will not have another man that is pursuing my wife give her flowers. It is disrespectful to me and I will not allow it. Strong, confident then drop it.

Burt

Way too SUPPLICATING, Trent. I agree with Robx's take, above. You need to be stronger, and to establish firmer boundaries. Your wife very likely doesn't respect you right now, and since women tie their feelings of love VERY closely with their feelings of respect, you can see your problem.

To be more specific:



As I used to say around here, "Blcccch."

Better:

But, she confided in me tonight that she's still uncomfortable sleeping in the same bed with me.

A: "I'm really sorry you feel that way. Maybe you should move to the guest room."

Puppy

Well, the problem is that she actually needs to sleep in the main bed because she's still recovering from surgery; the she has trouble getting up and out of the guest bed. I had offered to swap outright, but she said that I could stay with her in the main bed.

Now that I know how she feels, I'm planning on either moving to the couch or telling her mother that we will be trading beds -- she can sleep with her daughter and I'll take the spare bed.

Once my MIL is gone, we'll revisit the sleeping arrangements.

Move the beds. Keep your room. Your masterbedroom is yours and is a concept. It holds many objects that help define who you are. And it also has a ton of your stuff that you should be able to grab and use with no hassles. The bed is just one object. Treat it as such.

You still stand your grounds in a loving and caring way.