Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My Story...grass is greener (pt 2)

hmmm...thats more of a comment than advice (I was hoping more for "do this or do that")...but I know what you're saying.

I will probably end up unblocking the number. However I just got back from the preschool meeting about D3 and the meeting itself went ok but the interaction with my ex was horrible.

It started off ok...I was talked to politely and got offered doughnuts before we went into the meeting.

After the meeting was over we were sitting talking about it and my ex got up to leave...I asked her if she wasnt going to say anything about anything, and she asked me what I wanted her to say.

I told her I would like an apology for her threatening me and accusing me. And she said she wouldnt apologize because she still believes I'm the one who emailed the OM. I said I couldnt believe that she didnt believe me when i say I didnt do it and she said I'm the only person she knows who reads stuff on the internet. She said something about me making her stand in the cold whens he comes to get D3 and how I slammed the door in her face (which she later acknowledged was just shutting the door)...and indicated she's now holding a grudge about that too (on top of the list she's keeping about everything I've ever done to make her mad in the last 7.5 years).

I ended up saying that if that is how she feels then she should expect no cooperation from me. And she said fine she didnt want anything from me anyway.

So I left in an angrier state than when I arrived. It's so rediculous how she wont give an inch...and when she provokes me and I react, she uses that reaction to further cement her stance.

I think I will unblock her phone number though. Maybe that will somehow help in the end...if nothing more than giving me a better feeling for not being as stubborn as she is.

At any rate...should I try to make peace with her given our animosity at current? What can I do to get a positive and peaceful reaction from her? Should I start letting her come in the house to pick up and drop off D3? Or am I still right in bringing D3 to the door and getting her from the door?

I really just cant take much more of this...I cant go around angry for the rest of my life...the stress will give me a heart attack or worse.

Don't do this...



You need to leave her alone and only talk to her when it's only absolutely necessary about your daughter. That DOES NOT mean being rude.

Actually I already unblocked her number(didn see your post until afterwards). But that doesnt mean I have to tell her her number is unblocked, which is what I'm assuming would be suggested?

Because when she comes to drop off D3 in about 45 mins I was gonna tell her I unblocked her number, that I accept her R with OM (not that I do...but I figured it would make peace), and that I want a truce.

And I am working on your second question steve.



yeah...kinda late for that too. I mean I wasnt demanding about it, but I just wanted her to show some regret...about something...anything. She hasnt so far...about anything.

Don't tell her the other stuff it won't matter to her, actions speak louder than words.

Ok. thanks. I was just on the phone with my family and they said the same thing, at least about telling her her hnumber isnt blocked anymore. So I'll tell her when she drops off D3.

Also I assume what is meant by actions speaking louder than words...rather than say I accept her R with OM, I can show her I do by not being hostile/combative and whatnot?

Like I said...I just want some peace...I dont want to be angry or hurt anymore...not that I ever wanted to be in the first place.

What you, I don't think, realize is this is a choice you're making. If you let her go and DETACH you will be at peace and in a much better place.



Exactly...

What help me is my journal. I wrote how I felt - how angry I was and I promised my self to let go of the anger. The anger was only hurting me - not H.

I then told my H I was not angry anymore - told him what he did hurt like heck - but I was not going to allow anger to distroy me.

nsw - i have been reading your sitch since your first helpful comment on mine. I am not nearly as good with words as other on this board but i am here with you as well.



^^ - perhaps we can find the day that the anger subsides and we do not torment ourselfs with it.

Thanks for the encouraging words to all.

I did tell my ex that I removed the phone block and she essentially spat in my face. She came to drop off D3, walked up to the door and I opened it and she sat D3 down. Instead of my taking D3 off of her and closing the door I told her she could come in. She said "why, I'm done with you all you're going to do is yell at me".

I told her D3 had her Valentines card and asked if she didnt want it. (I would have given her that the other day but I was too upset at her having said all that she did.) Then I told her I had taken the block off and she replied snippily that I only did it because she said "what goes around comes around and you wont get to talk to D3 on Fridays" earlier today. I told her that wasnt true. She walked out the door and essentially gave me the "talk to the hand". I said I didnt understand why she was being so vindictive.

After she left, I did something that got rid of about 65% of my anger but that I probably shouldnt have done. I sent her an email with the following in it:

"I did a compassionate act and you spat in my face about it. Believe what you want but my removing that had nothing to do with what you said about me not talking to D3...it's about being the better person in such a sad situation. If you don't want to say goodnight to your daughter that's fine, and if you don't want to let me say goodnight to our daughter that's fine too. As much as she loves having me say goodnight to her since I've done it almost every night since she was born, she knows her life is not the happy one it used to be and will have to get used to it eventually just like she'll have to get used to everything else that's being forced on her in the name of others' happiness. I've been and still could be willing to compromise on things but every time we've made a deal you've changed the rules as you went and said things to get a rise out of me and appease your benefactor...including your threat to murder me if I derailed your gravy train. I really wish the old you that was so sweet and caring could reach out to the new you that seems to be so angry and resentful. A lot of people miss that girl besides myself and D3...and its a tragedy that a few key people are so ecstatic, condoning, and oblivious of the new you that she is likely here to stay."

As I said, I likely shouldnt have sent it as several of the things in there are critical of her actions and could make her mad. Odds are she didnt even read the thing anyway. The positive is that I physically feel better having gotten rid of the anger. Actually I feel sleepy...which is usually what happens when I release a lot of pent up anger.