Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy still reeling from discovery

Susan, yes check out survivinginfidelity.com and marriagebuilders.com but don't abandon us completely! There are, sadly, many others who have had similar situations as yours. Some are choosing to stick by their spouse.

Newmama,
Affairs yes, but the different orientation as well? I still would like to figure out what,if anything, to tell the children. Is there a thread on how much to divulge to kids. And where one draws the line at standing by your marriage, and walking away from it. Someone here said when you've reached the disgust stage, you've completely detached. I've reached that, and just don't see going back, which makes any DBing feel dishonest.
Thanks for listening,
Susan

Hi Susan. I think I saw something similar to your story over at marriagebuilders

I do not have time to look now. But I will look later.

Susan, sorry but I thought you had a plan on what to tell the kids:



Yes, the kids will get it! But please do not give them with details about the encounters with men because why? Seriously what is the point? If he ends up being bi-sexual or homosexual it is his business and responsibility to let them know, not yours! You have enough on your plate!

I agree with newmama.

I was told by Social Work to talk to my D about my W's A 'age appropriately'. She was 8 at the time.

Tell your kids what you think they should know at their age.

Hi NEwmama,
I don't intend to EVER tell the kids about the men. Especially my teenaged son who is now forming his own id, etc. And there is absolutely no point.

It was more about the OW -- because he's hiding her, while lamenting how sad that our marriage was unhappy and fell apart. The dishonesty, both now and during our marriage, makes me sick, but I am hesitant to mention any affair partners if it's not helpful and might even be harmfulu to them. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't want to be so angry that I hurt my children with info that's not pertinent to them. But if it is beneficial to them, then I'll say something.

Thanks!

IMO, what you are doing is hiding it from them. I personally don't think that is good.

From my own sitch I told D about the A and that 'married people don't have girlfriends and boyfriends'. She needs to learn that when you marry you marry and keep your vows. Marriage is special.

Hiding it doesn't let them have this lesson. It is a lesson. But telling them a reason for H leaving maybe better to them than simply telling them he left them ... their imagination will do the rest of the damage.

Actions = Consequences for EVERYBODY in the family. WAS's so often forget about that.

Just my 2p worth.

Hey cutterbug,
I was over on MB's -- it's big. Any idea what thread or forum it might have been under?
Thx1

Hi P17,
Thanks for your response. Their dad did the talk two weeks before he left. I made him tell them this was his choice, not mine. They know how I stand on marriage.

What they don't know is the real reason their dad left, although his avowed reason -- unhappiness with this M -- could be said to be true to an extent. I wouldn't tell them about past affairs, because that's just TMI.

And I didn't know all the details til about a month after he left.
SA

Still looking for it... Susan. I will give it another hour later tonight...