Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Female opinions on asking for rings back?

I did not ask for the rings back. I just asked that she not wear it as it was wrong. Nor did I give my ring back to her. I do not wear the ring. But I keep it with me at all times as a reminder that I can conquer fear and overcome hardships.

as long as vows were exchanged and you were married, it cannot be taken back legally.

I would not ask. When W first left, I took hers from the drawer- we were going to use it as collateral for her debts to my family.

Bad move on my part- once it was returned W said she can no longer associate it w/ love or committment but rather w/ greed. UGH

Then that changes things a bit. Maybe pass them on to a child or? But once again I am looking at the materialistic things in my life that have no meaning or value anymore... I should just change my name from Wired to Weird

Wired/Weird -

you sound like my H did... w/the "things" that made him happy, he was getting rid of... And, THAT is not attractive!!

Better get back to wired, weird isn't working!



HUGS

I concur with the majority opinion here. Actually, I bought my own rings (lordy, I had so many warning signs that I ignored!!!) but I'm saving them for D14 to do what she wants.

Unless they were family heirlooms, they were a gift. I see where you're coming from, but it's likely that she won't.

you could also ask your ex-step-FIL for his opinion--I'm sure he'll give you one!

What would you do with it (or them?, if engagement/wedding) if she did return it?

IMO, engagement rings should be returned if the engagement is called off and the couple doesn't marry. Otherwise, the rings are gifts to each other and asking for a gift back (except in the heirloom situation) is petty.

You can always ask for it back and see what she says.....

Mindful,
Maybe I should explain myself a bit better. Over the years I chased numerous things that I thought would make me happy. Toys, drugs, alcohol, video games (Warcraft Addict here) and even though these things brought temporary happiness. It was not a true happiness.

I did not have my family due to many reasons, I did not know how to have my family and I firmly believe this is part of why I could not find true happiness.
I chased all these things when all along I should have been chasing my wife and children.

So part of my self healing is to rid myself of all these temporary fixes. I am not saying this is for everyone. But for me I need to come to a point in my life where I realize what is truly important and commit myself to those things.

My wedding band is but a piece of metal that was bought in a store. It means nothing to me. The woman that put it on my finger is what is important to me.

I know much of this does not make sense, but its the path I am following right now as I have no direction to go but up.

Hey Mindful...

Don't ask.

A family heirloom brings up an interesting question. Who would want it? It would be nice if she offered to return it. You might plant a seed and let it grow. If you have children it would probably be passed down to them. Most divorcing spouses are not ogres when it comes down to their flesh and blood.

To me, asking for the ring reeks of hurt and pain. That the betrayal entitles a payment. But the ring was a gift and a symbol, not boolean logical... If (we divorce) then (I get the ring back).

In my case, the rings are mine. I don't wear them, don't look at them and will think about what to do with them when the time comes. I like the idea of remaking it for my daughter but I'll wait until it no longer feels tainted.

*hugs*

I don't understand why you would want her ring back, unless out of spite.