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Starting off the morning with some questions! The reason this is on a separate thread is David is going to read it. So you guys watch what you post you hear!! JK. He may also post here, he is not going to read my personal thread and if he starts a personal thread I will not be reading his thread.

These are obviously my take on the situation and not necessarily David's.

First I feel David and I have improved our general communication habits. We don't get upset as quickly with one another, ask for more clarification and I believe even share things more in a positive way.

But when we are stressed for whatever reason, tired, sick, outside influences or particularly with one another I think we go back to our old communication habits/problems. We then end up frustrated, emotional and upset with one another. When I don't believe that is either of our intentions. I think we are both trying, we are just not being clear to the other person in the way we are communicating at the time. Which ends up leaving us frustrated and drained feeling.

I am wondering if anyone else who has had bad communication habits has ideas on working through and improving them, especially during stress periods when it is probably MOST important to communicate clearly.

My second question is on AD's. David feels I need to contact the doctor to see about having the dosage adjusted. I have considered it. Reasons I haven't are:

1. When I did call the doctor, the lady she had call back said the doctor said just need to give medicine time to build back up.

2. My pharmacist friend says it can take 4 - 6 weeks to build up in system and I haven't been back on the medication that long.

3. I feel like I am still improving. I have mostly had a good week this week. PMA up, no down periods. Struggled a bit Wednesday but with help here I dealt with it!! Which was a good boost for the PMA. Yesterday went to the cellar. I don't think all the caffine yesterday helped me.

4. Shiny says they don't stop you from feeling bad or good. Just help you control it. So maybe where I am at is normal for what the medication is supposed to be doing for me.

Reasons for seeing about getting dosage adjusted:

1. I am tired of feeling emotionaly down. Although that has been much better this week.

2. I am very tired of getting down and then turning to David to help deal with it, thus leading to us getting stressed and having communication problems. Which tends to lead me further down my spiral.

3. I have not since going back on the medication totally got the suicidal thoughts out of my head. They go away for awhile, but if I get real down they come back. Would upping the dosage help in this area or is this something that has to be managed with your thought process?

Just hoping some of you who know more about this stuff will post some of your thoughts on them for me.

Hi Pam and David. I think both of you should be congratulated on taking the step of reaching out to others together. Anything that improves the communication in a M is great!

Regarding your meds questions. I go back to what I said the other day - call your physician and ask to have her call you back. Tell her what your concerns are about the meds (your entire list below) and that you are unhappy with your care so far. Tell her you would like to stay with her but you need to have an equal role in the partnership to do it. If she gives you a hard time, I would seek another phyisican.

Another thought is to call the nurse triage line that your health plan likely has. I think it is a requirement for most of them nationwide at this time. Explain what happened with going off, how long you have been back on, your dosage, etc. If that person can't help you they can give you a list of the recommended physicians for your plan and you can call and find a new one that better fits your needs.

I know that may seem radical for you and may be outside your comfort zone, but they are human - make mistakes, sometimes don't click with us for whatever reason - and finding one that you feel comfortable with can do wonders for your well being.

All right - I know - enough already!

I wanted to welcome David to the BB and tell you both that I think it is great that you have decide to share this place. I hope that we can get David to feel as comfortable here as the rest of us are and that he gains much useful incite

Staying off of each others threads is a good rule too...helps to prevent any tension

Looking forward to your first post David and to all of yours as well Pam

Zoo

Hi, Pam and David.

As to the AD question, I'd check with your doctor. Worst case scenarion she/he tells you to wait a bit longer, which is what you want to do anyway. Don't see how you can lose.

On communication, have you tried to identify a single topic and then write to each other? I find that I can express myself much more clearly in writing.

And make sure to differentiate between 'feelings' and 'thoughts/ideas' Feelings are neither good nor bad, just different. That puts things in perspective.

Hi totite,

Yeah we do need to improve our communication I think!

I am giving the meds one more week I think and if not better going to call the doctor. Talked to Zoo on IM this morning and she was reading some stuff that sounds like they could just need a bit more time to build up to the level they need to be.

I liked the doctor when I saw her but not too happy she didn't respond any better when I called with questions after being off of the medication for that week.


Hi Zoo,

I think staying off of each others threads is a nice way to give each other our private space.



Hi Opt,

No, we haven't really tried writing to each other. A few emails. I can usually write a bit clearer than talk I think. Would have to ask David to be sure there!

But might be an idea worth trying, especially when we are upset over something.

Pam,

I can answer you question on suicidal thoughts based on my experience.

I found that when I was particularly stressed, the thought would pop into my head. Even now, it still does once in a blue moon. I think it's just an escape fantasy. Having ended up in the hospital and being miserable for 72 hours is a great motivation to never go down that path again.

As my life improved, I had the thought less and less.

As I gained trust in myself, I had the thought less and less.

For me, the meds helped me level out. The lows didn't prevent me from functioning the way they had before.

I was very bad off before I started taking the meds...wouldn't even go in to work somedays.

I needed the meds to become strong enough to function again, but it didn't take away the pain. Just look at my past threads and you can see! And I was on 125 mcg or 150 mcg, I forget which! For me, the meds helped me face my fear. The fear was still there, but it didn't cause me to freeze in panic.

I agree, take your questions to your doc and have a sit down.

I hope that helps. This is still a source of shame for me...and raw hurt, so I'm not sure that I'm writing with clarity...

Hugs.

Hi PnT,

First off I want to thank you for sharing what I'm sure is difficult to think about or discuss. I will go back and read your previous threads. Besides I know they have a happy ending! I LOVE happy endings!!

Sometimes for me I think it is just an escape fantasy, but I would very much like for it to go away. Especially as maybe a couple of times I wasn't sure I wouldn't try something. Most of the time I think it is more a wish to just escape the pain, when the situation feels like it is more than I can deal with at the time.

Your dosage is sure different than what she has me on! I am on 25 MG a day right now.

No, Shiny told me they aren't supposed to take away the feelings just allow you to cope with them better.

I think you wrote very clearly and again I can't begin to express the appreciation I feel that you were willing to share this with us.

Thank you so much.

And I will be thinking of you moving this weekend!

Decided to post my positives for the day on both threads!!

Keeping up with two will keep me busier and give me less time to get myself into trouble maybe! Hope David posts to help keep me busy on this one as well.

Quote:

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Positives for today:

1. I got up in sort of down mood because I had done well all week and yesterday I bombed! Posted and had some of my friends here post pick me ups! Very nice to read. I then did pick my mood up!!!

2. Invited David over for nice mindless TV show and snuggle in blanket on couch. Got back a very nice refusal. Usually if I invite him over he just says not tonight. He said not tonight but not because it doesn't sound like fun, but because he is tired and sick still and planning to crash this evening. If he takes nap and feels better he may come over later. But don't expect him.

3. He has read the Question thread already and seen the welcomes to him and saying looks like he will need to post back to folks!!

4. Started getting back down this afternoon. There was big meeting at the office but the front was dead and slow. So I was bored. No BB action! David busy!! No one on IM!!!!!! AHHH.... No one for Pam to talk to. Told David was going to sign off of IM, he asked why, I said so don't get upset. He asked why would I do that. So I copied him my post on Fridays. What is so cool here is this is good communication for us! I didn't shut him out, he asked why upset and understood me!!! Yippee!!! He also chatted some after that and my mood came back up!
I am so glad to be having this come back ups in my moods!

5. I am home and in a good mood!!!

6. David later in chatting suggested I tape tonight's show and we could watch together when he feels better!



Sage I am so glad you talked me into starting to post positives it really does help pick up the PMA!!!

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By the way I am guessing David isn't going to post too many questions, at least not in the beginning and as you guys may discover he isn't near as talkative as I am!!!

So anyone that has a topic they want to address that is being hit on several threads please feel free to use this one anytime as a general discussion area.

I have a feeling this thread will last MUCH LONGER than my regular one does!!

Decided since this train of thought is still on the AD's to post to this thread rather than my other one. Besides there is lots more space left on this one!!

Background here is I always take my AD around 8:00 in the morning, the sleepiness doesn't hit till around 9:00 at night. After chatting with Zoo yesterday on IM it came to me that for some reason, a lot of the over the counter medications that I take, Midol immediately comes to mind, I tend to get sleepy just about the time it says you can take another one. So it seems as the medication is leaving my system is the time I get sleepy. So this morning I decided to try taking my AD an hour later to see if it changes the sleepiness cycle.

What Zoo was reading yesterday about Zoloft being out of the system after 26 hours on a 50 mg dosage, I am only on 25 mg, if that is going out in 13 hours say that makes the sleepiness hitting at just about the time the medication is leaving the system. No idea why I do this, but I have noticed it in the past on other medications. Not sure if that is what is happening here or not so experimenting.

Something else I noticed this morning. I got up a little late, laid in bed till 6:00, but felt pretty just level, not up over anything but not down. Played online for awhile, ended up reading something that sort of brought me down. I know I am bad about this problem. So I know I hadn't posted this but it is our training clubs dog show this weekend. I would normally be there and so would David. I love fall and the club's fall show is always really neat. Not as nice as it used to be, but always nicely decorated for fall and just that snap to the air when you go out to walk dogs and stuff. I do not feel at this time I am up to going yet, have no idea if David is going this weekend or not. But the last club show I went to, in the spring is when I was informed by J of my upcoming D papers in a very public way. Not anxious for a repeat performance of any kind!

So I stress thinking of show and not going and then thinking of David possibly going without me. End up calling David, meant to ask him about picking up dog food in Louisville at vets office as one of the dogs is totally out of prescription diet. I forgot to ask about dog food. He was asleep. It was only a little after 7:00, but I knew he planned to crash early last night so figured he was awake and maybe even on his way to work.

Needless to say it wasn't a great conversation, he was mostly asleep and I was stressed. Usually talking to him will pick me up but it did not this morning. So when I got off the phone started getting really down. Thought about taking my medication but wanted to wait.

So I played some cards drank some more coffee and looked how beautiful it is looking outside my front window. My desk is right in front of the large picture window in what is the living room, but we made it into our office. Picked my mood up!!!!!!!! I am so pleased that I did this on my own. Not David, and not the medication.

But this leads me to wondering again about the dosage I am on. If I had taken the pill I would have given it the credit for the pick up, but I hadn't. Is what I am on really helping me, or is it like when people are in tests and they give them a placebo and you believe you are getting something so you get better without whatever it is you think you are getting? I hope I am making some sense this morning to someone!

Still not sleeping too well and wondering if I need to cut back on the caffeine to let me sleep through the night better.

Ok, now I am really just rambling so better shut up and post this so I get it done sometime today!