Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers He said he is done!!

Lost, it sounds like you are doing great. Please can I give you some adivse - keep up the boundaries and also please keep an eye of caution. I dont want to dampen your spirits but I have been there. I have been with my H since I was 14 and also thought I knew him. We also had good laugh, and also communicated a lot when he first moved out, moved then we ever did. We were even intimate and had very flirtatious texts. He used to hug me and tell me how great I looked - I have lost about 10kilos. He took me shopping for clothes and we said we would be friends and also try to do whats best for the boys. However, and I really hope this only applies to my case, but he still filed and she is still around. I do think she is playing a great game - something I am not good at.

Like I said you are doing great - dont make the same mistake I did and fall into the trap when he is nice and let your guard down. Keep DBing, GALIng and setting and keeping your boundaires. (My H also said that he wouldnt have her around at first). Domt react - keep using your journal ans also take other peoples advise with a bit of caution. They can fill your head with whtat they think is good advise but not relevant advise - my sister suggested that a D was a good idea. We are now at a very crucial point as he isnt happy with my suggested childcare arrangments and things are getting nasty.

I agree with you - I am also realy honest with my kids. I dont tell them everything however they know exactly whose decision this is and who is D who. They are the reason I didnt want a D in the first place.

This was our first positive in weeks - I know that this is a long road and he absolulty has to gain my trust again - that is going to take LONG time!

The kids know that this was his decision - my two oldest even saw us hug today and my D16 asked if this meant we are not headed for D - I told her that none of us know what tomorrow will bring but I assured her that I am not giving up on her Dad. It is way too soon for us to be talking about D - even though I thought I really wanted one when I found out about the OW. Now I know that I have to take this one day at a time and still continue with DBing. I told my D16 that marriages are not to be just disregarded unless there is physical abuse... and H and I never had an abusive relationship.

Lost, I think that was great what you said to your kids. The next time my kids chat to me I think I should let them know that I haven't given up either.

I think in some instances it may be harder for your kids as they do understand. My S7 doesnt quite get it, however my S10 has a far better idea, but doesnt talk about it.

Thanks for your posts, you have given me some good tips.

Keep you the good work.

LNG,

You are right, don't give up on your marriage. I just wanted to encourage you and tell you that if you do your best to DB you can face your challenges with more strenght...and love too.

My W left 19 months ago, but I haven't given up yet. I'm certainly not a pro at DBing, believe me. There are many others on this board who have more experience and insight. But one thing I have to say: only YOU know when it's time to move on. My time hasn't come yet. Maybe never will, don't know. But the DBing process has brought me a lot of peace and renewed strenght that I can do this and maybe even turn the tide with my W someday.

I guess, I just wanted to encourage you and tell you to not give up no matter what.

Cheers,

JR09

lea74,
Don't wait for your children to chat with you. Sit them down in a quiet peaceful place and let them know that both their parents still love them - that you know that this is hard on them and you - and I am sure deep down just as hard on your H. Let them know that there are things (no details) that you and your H have to work through (make sure they know that this is not all your H's fault - that both of you had your part in the problems - do not make your H the bad guy).

Tell them you don't know what will happen next but YOU are working as hard as you can. Your children must know that they can trust and tell you anything at anytime. Tell them that they can ask you anything - you may not be able to answer the question right away - that's ok.

I have always had a very open relationship with all my children and they have been my ROCK through all of this - I knew I had good kids - now I know I have really GREAT kids.

End the conversion with LOTS of hugs.

JR09,

Thank you! and you don't give up either.

Until my heart tells me something different I know that there is a chance!

I have been doing a lot of reading of inspirational quotes lately.. and found this one this morning - thought I would share.

You are the embodiment of the information you choose to accept and act upon. To change your circumstances you need to change your thinking and subsequent actions. ~ Adlin Sinclair

made a decision this morning and now time to talk to H about it. He had asked over the weekend what I planned to do with the house - stay or leave (he moved out). I had planned on moving out - the pain of coming home without him here was too much last week.

I feel that walking away from the home is not a right decision now - not for me not for US (not much of an US right now) - not for the kids and financially not the right decision.. If I moved it would almost an hour from H. He has moved into a house only 2 miles from here.

Now to have the conversion with H. Not sure how he will react.

HELP!! Need some advise - I need to talk to H about the house but not sure if I should wait a few days. I am trying really hard to go dark but feel I need to hear at least hear his voice!

We told eachother the other day we would work on being friends again - how do we do this if I go dark ? Do I ask him to meet for lunch so there is a time limit due to getting back to work ? HELP