Your bad spirit is that negative, emotionally immature, selfishly self-defeating side of your personality that works against your relationship succeeding. Everybody’s got one (or – bad news – more than one!) aspect of their personality that chronically sabotages happiness. In general, you can recognize a ‘bad spirit’ at work when you have attitudes or behaviors that are intensely emotional and destructive. The “fact” that you can rationalize the bad spirit by pointing to your partner’s bad behavior doesn't justify keeping it installed. Relationships begin healing when even one partner takes accountability for their own bad spirit and works towards change. Characteristics of Your Bad Spirit
Characteristic #1: You're a Scorekeeper.
Tell-tale sign: "I'll do for you if you'll do for me." What it does to your relationship: It turns what should be a mutually supportive relationship into a fight for leverage and the upper hand.
Characteristic #2: You're a Fault Finder.
Tell-tale sign: “Should”, “Always” and “Never” show up in your constant criticism of your partner. What it does to your relationship: You put your relationship on an emotional roller-coaster instead of aiming for peaceful coexistence, making your partner more confused, anxious and resistant to your (perhaps legitimate) concerns.
Characteristic #3: You Think It's Your Way or the Highway.
Tell-tale sign: Intolerance, interrupting, and insisting that no confrontation end until your partner acknowledges you are right. What it does to your relationship: You put your own ego above the welfare of the relationship, sending the relationship down in flames, rather than being honest about your own shortcomings.
Characteristic #4: You Turn into an Attack Dog.
Tell-tale sign: Shouting, staring, intimidating, condescension and contempt for your partner’s vulnerable areas and values are common-place. What it does to your relationship: Trust is severely damaged, and your partner may become so filled with bitter resentment that s/he pulls away from the relationship.
Characteristic #5: You Are a Passive Warmonger.
Tell-tale sign :Feigning illness, ignorance, ineptness, or incomprehension; insidious sabotage. What it does to your relationship: You have plausible deniability. Failure and frustration are guaranteed for your partner’s efforts to improve the relationship.
Characteristic #6: You Resort to Smoke and Mirrors
Tell-tale sign: There is overt misdirection about what is important to you or how you are feeling. Your communication is indirect and cowardly. What it does to your relationship: Hidden agendas seem to protect you from having to deal with a dangerous truth, but you eventually find yourself exploding in response to some seemingly trivial event. When that happens, see #4.
Characteristic #7: You Will Not Forgive.
Tell-tale sign: You have anger, bitterness and physical stress from withholding release for your partner, who can’t be sorry, apologetic, or shame-filled enough for you. What it does to your relationship: You make it impossible for yourself to love, and to be loved.
Characteristic #8: You Are the Bottomless Pit.
Tell-tale sign: No matter what the question with regard to making plans, your answer is always the same: “Whatever you want to do.” What it does to your relationship: Because you have an insatiable appetite for reassurance and stroking, you can never give your partner any rest. Your partner never seems able to “fill you up,” and gets frustrated at not having a fully functioning, contributing, capable partner.
Characteristic #9: You're Too Comfortable.
Tell-tale sign: Your lifestyle offers no challenge and no stimulation; everything adventurous (including emotions) is avoided. What it does to your relationship: If you don’t move to correct a bogged-down, comfort-zone life, it becomes easier and easier to just stagnate. A rut is just a grave with both ends knocked out.
Characteristic #10: You've Given Up.
Tell-tale sign: You often think or say, “What’s the use? It will never change.” What it does to your relationship: Unable to see even the most obvious opportunities to rejuvenate your relationship, you refuse to notice changes in your partner or in your life. You have learned to be helpless and hopeless. Love dies.
