Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW now pregnant.....not mine

Sorry to hear the tough times you have been through. Some of it does sound familiar though.

W has been diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder. She is and has been in treatment, but it does cause issues. Like you mentioned:

Our main problem has been her mental disorders, and if we had addressed those I think all our other problems would have been workable before they escalated to where they did.

While she has actively sought treatment, I probably should have been more involved in trying to understand why her behavior changed often and what I could do (or not do) to help her and me through the tough times.

If I would have found DB sooner, I might not be in this sitch!

W is defintely pregnant, only 2-3 months along, but there is no doubt.

She is still in the first tri-mester. We are both opposed to a termination. Given the circumstances I might be able to live with that decision, but W is adamantly against it. While I absolutely hate the position she has put me, my daughters and herself in, I do and will respect her decision to not abort.

Curveball...my sitch is a little different and I'm not quite in your position...but I am afraid I may be at some point.

My SO, who's with an OM, recently informed me that she was getting birth control. Our daughter was conceived while she was on birth control...apparently my SO isnt as skilled with its use as we assumed she was. So it may only be a matter of time.

I really cant offer any advice...but hopefully things will work out for you in a way that lets you find some peace.

Glad to hear you have a hold on the reality of the situation. My W has very very recently been diagnosed with bipolar, but we've known about it for a long time. I also believe she has BPD, read my thread if you want to know more about that. It's a real insight to a lot of WAS behavior too.

i would like to say from my standpoint. I'm pregnat with my h's son, no doubt about it, since i've met him 3 years ago he's the only man i've ever been with. now he can't say that for other women.

the fact that there are men out there in this world even just willing to think about raising a child that may not be theirs biolgically is a great thing.

my h ditched us when i was 6 months pregnant, all through this time with hospitalizations, supporting me, he has NOT done anything. we also have a d2 and in which has not seen her but 3 times since nov.

whether the child is yours biologically, you divorce or reconcile, you have the chance to show your other children you are a good human being to the mother of your children in supporting her even if she has done some sinful things being married.

your decisions to remain married or divorce are on hold anyways till child is born and could be a lengthy court issue. your attorney and advice from others aware may think you are crazy and a pushover to "standby" your wife, and it is alot to take in personally. just think you are doing it for the innocent child that is mixed up in his mother's and could be father's stupidity since neither of them are responsible.

I don't think you should ignore the baby - I have had 5! I just think the baby might be better off with no father than with a father who realized two or three years in that he or she wasn't enough to glue two adults together.

Right now, if the baby is told, the worst case is that he'll know that you left a wife that was unfaithful (or lies about you).

If you can't stay with her, how can you stay with her and another man's baby?

Point well taken. I don't know if I'd thought about in only that context. I've primarily been thinking about her as a 'package' deal.

You are absolutley correct though. The first question does need to be 'Can I live with her?'. If the answer is no...then everything else is a moot point. If the answer is yes (or maybe) then the baby enters the picture.

Thanks for your insight!

BTW - spoke to her again tonight, as we do basically every day since the kids are with me almost all of the time. She was at OM's house and has been all weekend. Seems she isn't done with him after all. At least it makes my decision making a littel easier

I've changed my mind so many darn times throughout this ordeal that I even confuse myself. You are right in that if a D is what ends up happening....it isn't going to happen for quite a while. Who knows, maybe I will have ANOTHER change of heart. I'm not thinking that will happen, but the Lord works in mysterious ways!

I also completely understand your point about the 'pushover'. My family/friends already think that about me. AND they don't know anything about her being pregnant.

It would be a good idea to check with a lawyer regarding paternity laws in your state. I have heard that in some states the husband of a woman who has a child is legally responsible for the child whether it is biologically his or not.

My state is the same way, I would be legally responsible. I've already spoke with an attorney.

Thanks for the heads up though.