snodderly, ty! i guess in a way he could have taken it that way yes...my mistake.
i asked him what was up and was talking about how we are expecting another 10-15 inches of snow...although i did not say a word about him staying here...he knew it was asked the last time...
he called me back and screamed he was filing and the an hour and a half later when the girls and i got out of counceling...he was speaking of stopping over...
i know i am able to see through some of his words and get a meaning...what does this mean? is it back to d talk because he knows i back off?
thats the only thing i come up with ...i politely told him that i was sorry he felt that way and that i couldnt help him with it...
why are they so against talking to someone themselves?
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
Because they do not think that there is a problem with themselves. Until they hit bottom, they usually will not seek help. They become paranoid and think we are trying to tell them what to do.
I can see where his mind was at when you mentioned the snow....he "assumed" that you were going to ask him to come over and stay. The less you ask him about staying over, the better. Let him make the decisions about what he needs to do. They want to be in control and when you suggest something, he thinks you are taking control over him and his decisions.
Make a list of what needs to be done before the storm hits. I don't know exactly where you live, but there will be gusty winds tomorrow afternoon, which gives the potential for the power to go out. Fill out containers with water. After the children take baths this evening, fill the tub up just in case. Get your flashlights and lanterns out. You might even want to bake up some extras this evening to have on hand that can be ate on the cold side. Show this man that you can handle this storm.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Another reason that they don’t like questions is because then they would have to share information about themselves with us. It got to the point where I asked NOTHING. I said NOTHING. Not even hello. Of course, that was wrong as well because then I wasn’t speaking to him. While you need to understand the reasons for their behavior, because that will help you, you also need to understand that anything that seems logical to us, will not to them. And that is just something you have to accept if you are going to do this.
To add to Snodderly’s list, make sure you have plenty of blankets, know where the shovel is, the cell phones are charged, there is gas in the car and toilet paper on hand. And in case you don’t lose power, find some old movies you might like to watch, a board game or two you and the kids can play, and a good book for the quiet time.
I live in hurricane central, haven’t been in a snow storm in many many years, but the idea is the same. Even during the good years of our M, I had to do hurricane prep and survival on my own many many times, cuz H is a civil servant, and believe me, if all four feet ten inches of me can do it, so can you.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Well it's been nine months and my H is still gone. And the rollercoaster continues, but he's working on staying calm (as am I) so it really helps. It is calmer when H isn't here all the time, however it is harder on S. I still have to work on protecting myself for when "Dr. Jeckyl" comes out. I have to walk away. I have to leave the house. Last week I took S with me. But over time the bumps are smaller and the smooth times are increasing. Please take time and space to yourself and get him out of your brain. I don't know that I have ever "gotten over it." I just have faced that it is reality that I don't know which H will show up and I need to have plan a AND plan b in place to cope. It's no fun. It hurts. It sucks. Some days I want to say, fine let's D. But my heart is still in it. Try to calm yourself. I like the bath idea.
and yea mine gets to me with the D talk too. Don't show him it baits you. Even if you are screaming inside, just realize you can't stop him from saying or doing anything, you can only walk away and protect yourself when he says/does things intended to hurt you.
for "us" Valentines was never that big of a deal...dinner a card sometimes flowers
we are big Nascar fans...the Daytona 500 falls on Sunday which is also Valentines day...we have been watching quite a bit of all of the extra stuff that has been on leading up to the race...
although i know NOT to expect anything...should i try to make other plans? should note that i am MUCH more comfortable at home in front of my 65in hd tv...and i would be able to cheer with the girls even if he isnt around, which i would enjoy...
but, no card or anything? am i correct in thinking it would be pressure? or would it be ok to get something along the lines of silly to show that i didnt forget?
Last edited by lost1234; 02/12/1001:52 AM.
me 39 h 38 kids 9 and 6 h left 8/9/09 loving and devoted wife and mother still going...10 months later...
