Oh yeah, Kerry, expecting another 2-4" on Sunday/Monday. Whoopee!!
Boot camp was canceled this morning as the teacher's husband was out plowing and no one could watch her kids. She called at 4:45, so I got to sleep another 90 minutes...yay!
Only, I had a very strange, yet very vivid dream involving Dan...we were separated, but driving to dinner with other people (I don't know who) and meeting some people he works with for dinner...
At some point it got to be very, "interesting" as he was showing me how he wanted me back...seemed too real...
Then the phone woke me up, we had a 2 hour late start...fell back asleep and the dream picked back up again. That has only happened maybe twice before, ever. It was so vivid and felt real... Then I woke up and had to go shovel my driveway and clean five inches of snow off my car.
Snow seems to be everywhere. We are in the process of getting 20 to 30 inches today and tomorrow. Started snowing at 9:30am this morning and hasn't let up. Exciting until I have to go and shovel us out.
I used to have those types of dreams about my WAS, but that hasn't happened in a few months. I would wake up so disappointed because they felt so real and I was sure she had changed her mind and decided to come back to the marriage.
Hey! When did you change your name?? I missed something...
Yep, those dreams are great and crappy. Great in the moment, crappy when you wake up and realize it wasn't reality...
Well I dodged a self-inflicted bullet last night. I was so down over the perfect storm of crap (broken washer/water heater/uncle/hearing date/snowstorm/etc) and I was feeling emotional--go figure!
I decided that I was going to drop the divorce petition entirely. F@ck it. If he wants to get a divorce, he can start the d@mn thing over and pay for his own attorney, serve me himself, be the one responsible for this...(Ok I swear more in my mind... )
But I didn't act on it, I just let it be. Then this morning I realized, that would: 1)Prolong the inevitable: if he is willing to sign off on the petition now, it means he does want the D, even if he stalled another year before filing himself, it would just be a slower death, same result
2)If I dropped it I would be out my attorney $$ for nothing, and have to come up with more to respond when Dan filed
3)Right now the petition is written as I want it. If I dropped it who knows what he would come up with? So this way works out best for me and the kids in terms of financial security.
4)I do not want to be with a man who doesn't want to be with me enough to make an effort to change. In fact, I don't want to be with a man who doesn't love HIMSELF enough to make an effort to change his life for the better.
#5 - You can change your match.com status to "Divorced" instead of "Separated". Might get some more guys interested who are hesitant about going out with married ladies.
#6 - You get to start a thread in the forum of heavy drinkers, misfits and rejects (Surviving the big D). Just kidding! There are good people there.
How did S4H get a name change? I still want to be be dirtman.
Well when it rains it pours. Or shall I say,when it snows, it blizzards??
Just got call from plumber.
Dan bought a regular water heater. Apparently my house (30 years old) requires a "power vented" water heater. That ups the price by at least $400 from the one Dan bought. I already looked on line. But plumber also suggested I consider a tankless water heater as they are good for at least 20 years and are more efficient, etc. That would be another $600...
GRR! Think I will get the tankless anyway and put it on my credit card. Time for that budget....
Although it does mean Dan will have to go back out to west Omaha and return the one he bought...
Well when I started posting to this board more than 18 months ago - good God has it really been that long!, the Searching4Help seemed appropriate. In the past few months I feel like I am beginning my life over again (yes evidently you can do that even at my ripe old age :-) ). So I decided with a new focus comes a new name - hence BeginningAgain.
BBJ - I think you were very smart to dodge the self-inflicted bullet. That, in my mind would just have caused you more weeks/months/years of frustration and running around in circles while living in limboland. Good call to continue the path you have recently chosen.
Remember a divorce is just a piece of paper - if (and this is a big IF) Dan does choose at some point to really get his act together and make the kind of lasting changes you need him to make to be the husband you deserve - the divorce will not stop you from rekindling the relationship.
Kerry - to change your name go to your profile and type in what you want your screen name to be. When you hit "submit" it goes to the moderator of the board for approval. My was changed the same day (within about an hour) that I submitted it.
Then I woke up and had to go shovel my driveway and clean five inches of snow off my car.
)
