W has no doubt I was serious, if she gives no answer, she would end @ FIL or D21, each 40-45 munutes. But she wouldn't come back to this house without answering.
Good. Be prepared to enforce this because she WILL test you on it.
Twin D's17 will be there, along with S24 untill I return. W maybe there, get things to take with her, but wouldn't stay. Haven't told anyone how long I'll be gone. If she don't answer, she won't take a chance being there not knowing when I get back.
Yes, lost 20 lbs. Hit the weights 3 weeks ago, put 6 back in better places. Had bought some shirts, and slacks. At the time was more to occupy time. And a yes on the other three.
Have took out time to go fishing with friends, 4 wheeling with D's17.
That's good. Remember, all of the above is for you -- not her. Improving your appearance, upgrading your wardrobe and making yourself look better bring about the effect of helping you feel better about yourself. An added benefit is that you look more attractive and at this point in time it is an ego boost when you catch the opposite sex giving you a once over every now and again.
The good thing about hitting the weights is that it improves your body posture. You will have found yourself standing up straighter and your head held high. All of that gives you an air of confidence and subconsciously communicates it to all around you.
That 4 wheeling with D's 17 must have been a lot of fun.
Received text from W at 9:45. "You there?" I was still running last minute errands. I followed robx advice, answered 15 minutes later "Yes." Finished my errands, got in at 11:00. Got out my notes, and came here, reading through Gno & robx's guidelines.
11:46 W starts sending texts, each I followed robx timetable, no response in less than 5 minutes. Each time W sent another when I didn't respond when she thought I should have. Each along the lines of justification. e.g. 'I did this because', 'I felt this way because', 'I thought this because'.
After over an hour, and some 15 text, W "You still there?" I replied "Yes, and I hear what you are saying, but it doesn't change the way I feel, or think right now. You still haven't answered me, and my mind still hasn't changed there either. The condition for you to come back to this house IS NOT optional, and I would like an answer to that."
Again W started with text, one every few minutes. I didn't respond to any. Same line, but adding that she knew she had made a big mistake, wished I could believe her that nothing became physical in any way. That she knew and understood she had done this on her own and deserved whatever consequences came from it. I hadn't replied to any again. Spent my time reading Gno, and robx guidelines.
By 12:45 W finally became frustrated, sent text "Are you lisening?" I answered "Yes, and I appreciate what you are saying, however I hope you can understand that after the last 5 month's, words don't have much weight. You talk only about your feelings, I have feelings too. I'm not sure about many things right now, not sure how long it will be before I can sort them out, and be sure what I feel or want for myself right now. Thank you for letting me know these things, you do seem sincere in the words you used, but understand I just don't feel it right now. To this point you haven't even given me the respect to answer my original question."
Another 15 minutes went by. Then this text. "Have thought about it. I understand why you have doubts. I just wanted you to know how I feel now, and how much I regret what I have done. If it would help, I would take a Lie detector test. And yes to your question. Tell me exactly what you want." My reply, "I think I was pretty clear on the conditions to return to this house. Thats the answer I need before anything else." W "Yes. There isn't, and will not be anyone else in any way. I'll leave FB, and my phone open to you so you can see them at any time." My reply "OK, I am tired, we can talk about other things another time." W "OK, goodnight."
In total W sent 29 text, before she finally gave her answer.
It's a start. Still plan to leave for my business trip as scheduled. She will be driving back with S24 and grandson. Having Sunday to myself before business Monday gives me time to reflect on the next steps. Will be back wednesday or thursday. Then adjust as needed flowchart, and boundaries.
Gno, robx. You gave me more than I had hoped for. Have a starting point now. MF, you always gave me a smile to cheer me up when I needed it. Love you all. Now I have to be even more serious, keep mysef, and my attention to what has, and what will work. Know I'm still don't have all steps concreted in my mind. This trip will give me more time for self assurance, and dedication.
Have about an hour before I leave, if any last minute pointers. Will check thread before I go. Thank you all so much for helping me get to the starting line.
