wow...i am going to be reading a lot it sounds like - i do not think an affair is happening after seeing what it did to her family first hand - and she has told me she doesn't even have any sexual urges with or without me.
there is my "optimism"
you know sometimes people say things just to be nice, women who lose sexual urges for their husbands still have sexual urges and it's usually for something "different", keep your eyes open
trust me...i have done my share of snooping - no emails....no texts, no phone calls, no going places out of the ordinary (kind of hard for her to go places as she is at the kids school all the time - or with our daughter)
just been rough couple of days...fell into a conversation last night that made me look like i was persuing...thinking it was a trap to see if the good old "me" came out from behind this "act" in her words.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
W cornered me about R....said she can't keep living like this (both of us in the same house is what i was gathering)...told her that is her choice. continued to remind me that she has no feelings for me and can't change that.
i stood by my "i know and can't change the past" but she kept persuing me about how she isn't happy and this is no way to live.
"so i am suposed to just keep living with some man in the house" - the "some man" being me - that one hurt....bad.
she left to take our S11 out to a friends - i thought i was alone and broke down....i heard something....my S8 was standing there crying....it crushed me - i have never felt pain like watching him.
he told me how he doesn't want me or mom to leave....i told him neither do i.
i don't want to give up, but i can't do this anymore, i can't sit and watch my children get upset because they "don't care" what mom thinks and "she is wrong"...
i have no one to turn to, don't think i can keep taking the punishment
i feel defeated
i don't want to give up
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
If she wants to move out, let her move herself out. You don't have to help her leave you. Do you have a good relationship with her parents? Are they aware that their daughter is in a depression that is impacting her patience and her ability to take care of her children and that she refuses to seek help? Would speaking with them help or worsen the situation? Who does your wife talk to about her problems other than you? It seems she has cut you out and is floundering and may have no trustable friend to turn to. Sorry you had a rough day. I think when your wife is calmer it's time to perhaps attempt a talk about her tryiing to control her meltdowns in front of the children. If she wants to discuss the relationship, could you do it only once a week and when the children aren't around? What does she do regularly for fun or stress relief? It seems all her focus is on the kids, her frustration, stress, and you. You can't fix this for her or make her go to counseling, but can you hire some babysitting help for her to get a night off alone or something? Good luck. It sounds very tough right now. Seems like you are doing the best anyone could do in such a tough spot.
"so i am suposed to just keep living with some man in the house" - the "some man" being me - that one hurt....bad.
"W, you are not a victim. You do have a choice. You can live here with me, or you can find your own place. Just because you don't like the other choice doesn't make you choice-less."
Then turn on a dime and walk away.
BTW, don't leave your bed either. If she doesn't like it, she can sleep on the couch.
I know this hurts...but you can't fix her. She is going to have to step up and want to fix herself. As someone who dealt with depression for years, I hate to say it, but until she deals with that, she won't be able to see through the fog.
SD
Me: 40 H: 43 H had EA from 2/06-9/06 Bomb 5/06 Piecing since 9/2006 3/2008: Boundary setting 7/2009: Boundary crossing~dropped my own bomb. 8/2010: Marriage finally on track!
SD i have eluded that this is "her choice" - thing is i know she will not leave the kids. I think she wants me to "cave" as i have more options than she - also it will look to her friends that i am the one leaving not her.
i like my bed....it is comfortable that is why i went back. at least i get to use it for something....it is a very nice bed...lol
so many things clouding my mind....time to go take a run tonight and channel my emotions and frustration into something productive.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
hmmm. if I were in your position and knew what I know now, I would do what I could to keep her from leaving.
I know in my own sitch if I my ex hadnt moved out she and I might have stood a much better chance of working on things...but I pushed and she ended up leaving...walking happily into the arms of OM.
That might not happen in your case...but I thought I'd throw that out there.
nsw i have that thought every day - i really do not want her to leave, that is why i don't really come out and say "there is the door if you don't like it", i think that if we seperate then i might as well write my M off
strange thing is she just called me....on her way home from the grocery store. She is the one making contact so i am getting utterly confused.
all thanks for the responses tonight - helped me organize my thoughts and get a control of my emotions - not letting my emotions control me.
why is life so complex...i wonder?
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
