Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wife wants best of both worlds

Dwinter -
How are you doing?

I am doing ok, thanks for asking. It is a struggle right now dealing with the emotions that come with the kids being with the OM. It trumps the D and bad marriage thing.

My D6 keeps me updated (I never asks, she just tells). I know he was over last night and it makes me want to crawl out of my skin. The kids refer to him as mom's friend. I refer to him as a hellish nightmare.

That is very difficult to stomach and deal with I'm sure ontop of the divorce yes! I sympathize with and for you. I'm very sorry you're having to deal with those type of feelings.

I'm always here to listen...if need be.

Thanks.

I am pretty well read on the subject so I know how to deal with it and how to act, but none of that makes it easier.

At some point in time my kids are going to figure out I want nothing to do with this guy and are going to ask why. I do not intend to bad mouth him but I am not going to support him either...tricky. They are so young I think I will be able to get away with just being vague...just say it is an adult issue and leave it at that for now. I do not want to lie but I need to shield them as well. Agree?

Yes it is tough.....as much as you'd probably love to bash him it won't do any good for your kids. I think what you have suggested saying it's an adult issue is a good idea...they don't need to know the details.

I wish none of us would have to be in this predicament but wishing won't change anything. We just have to do the best we can with our situations even though they are tough.

Hey guys-

Am I making a reasonable request by asking the W to not let the OM attend any kids functions when I am present for a year. I understand is is somehwat of a selfish and ridiculous request, but then again I am in a ridiculous sitch and deasling with a selfish person. I am sure this request is going to lead to more resentment from her, but that is really not my concern right now.

I am still trying to keep things civil but I have a ton of anger towards her right now and it is scaring me.

I would ask. Why not? She's the one who had a PA. You're getting divorced anyway. Who cares if she's angry? You have a right to request not to be made uncomfortable at your children's school events that you desire attending. They're your children. She can always deny the request. It's not wrong to ask. Maybe sweeten the deal by offering her something she wants but feels she shouldn't ask.

DW,

You know my thoughts, the request seems reasonable enough but tough to enforce. I know you mentioned that the OM doesn't want to get caught up in your wheel house so to speak. So, if you find yourself at a kids event and OM is there be careful you don't do something you might regret. I fully understand the mindset of wanting to go off but nothing good will come of it.

I also understand the anger as well. Mine seems to ebb and flow on a daily basis and my W's relations with OM's is not as advanced or at least I don't believe they are as your W's. But she is working on it.

I agree with rr22, I wouldn't care too much whether it bothers her or not. She has been abusing you and she is devoid of any empathy. I know the feeling, yet we tend tip toe around them because of our desire to save the M.

DW,
Man I am here also, I know it is hard at times but you are handling things with incredible dignity. You are being the best father for you children during a difficult time for them, and as discussed in other threads, they will remember this later in life.
You ever need to talk, really, you know how to reach me.

Thanks everyone!!

She has already agreed to my requests. The funny thing is (in a really unfunny kind of way) is yesterday I asked her if she had completeted the D paperwork. She said yes and that she had dropped it off at my L's, as I had requested. I asked her if the parenting plan stuff was in there that we had agreed upon and she said yes. I called the L and none of it was...hmmmm.

So, I called the W and she said she thought we had agreed that having this kind of stuff in the legal document was silly and that we would just honor it outside of the legal environment...man she can shovel it. I told her no, I wanted in the document. She got pisssy and said fine, have your lawyer put it in.

If I had to speculate, she does not want it in the document because the OM will continue to wonder why I have such little disregard for him and do not want him anywhere near me, and she will have to try to explain it to him. She will lie but it is probably something she does not want to deal with. I am not going to be Mr. Nice Guy anymore when it comes to the OM and this is going to create a larger rift between us. I do not want to hate this woman (and I do not want her to hate me) so hopefully this is someting we can get past. The next couple of months are going to be interesting. No more more lip service for the OM coming up!