Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I ruined everything

I do not want to put anymore tension in the household than there already is. I dont want to do anything that would ruin the chances of reuniting our family. I dont understand how we could go, from what I percieved to be happily married to in just over a month, seperated. Just seems way to fast

as i am still a newb on this stuff, but i will tell you to listen to what others say and to read and post to help YOU clear YOUR mind and gain YOUR focus - YOU and YOUR children.

get DR an read, post questions, thoughts and concerns.

GAL and start working on YOU.

So what is it you are looking for then?

You don't want to do what we are suggesting - We as in people who have been in your shoes, asking ourselves the same questions etc.

Ignoring it or doing whatever she wishes isn't going to fix anything.

...forgot to mention.

if it was her idea to split, then i can't agree more, let her find somplace to go....without the kids. Not necessary to have the kids world in upheaval as well.

i am in midst of WAW and "almost" had her convince me that I could leave - now i have reclaimed my marital bed and sleep in it every night with her...if she doesn't like it she can sleep somewhere else.

Exactamundo.

"Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was."
-Richard L. Evans

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you are not balking at the advice because you genuinely don't want help. But in the course of just over a month your life has gone spiraling out of control, and taken another serious nosedive in just the last couple days.

That's enough to make anyone confused, defensive, angry, hurt, and about a million other emotions that get mixed together. These people do know what they're talking about, but I wasn't ready to hear all they said when I got here. Still don't buy some of it as a matter of fact. But they will try to help you as much as they can. So let's begin with what you are willing to work on -

1. You can get DR and read it. Some of it is counterintuitive and extremely uncomfortable, but the reason it's still being practiced is it works.

2. Take deep breaths and work on how you're feeling. Don't have contact with your W if you feel you will not be in control; it strengthens her position and weakens yours. I was so all over the map when my H first dropped the bomb that I made several mistakes I might have avoided if I were calmer. Take some time to be mad and hurt...while you're alone. Deal with her when you can be calm, cool, and collected. If nothing else it will make her wonder what you are up to.

3. Read other threads here. I would especially aim for Puppy Dog Tails' as his is both encouraging and a good example of how arduous this process can be. Look around and listen to the advice people are giving. You don't have to agree with it all or even apply it all to your situation. But there is a lot of solid thought and action, and many of these DBers have been working at it a long time. If you let them, they may be able to help you avoid some of the pitfalls.

And it is always a good idea to specify when you are posting just to vent/rant. We all need that, but it is easier if people know in advance that you aren't looking for anything at that moment except a place to dump your feelings.

MOVE BACK INTO YOUR HOUSE.

Puppy

Right -- you DON'T understand. Which is why you should follow the advice you supposedly were seeking.

You were seeking advice . . . weren't you?

Puppy

Thank you all for the advice, truly. I am sorry it came across like I didnt appreciatte what was posted. I am devestated at the loss of everything I had, but I will read these books and listen and post. Again thank you all, sincerely

(((Al)))

No apologies are necessary...

We have all been there and it is extemely overwhelming to know that your life as you knew it is now shattered right before your eyes.

Because of that and already processing everything, the people here do know what they are talking about even though it may seem like it goes against everything you want to do...

You have Puppy here - There is no better in my opinion (and no offense to anyone else cause I love you all)...He may say things you don't agree with however he does indeed know what he is talking about.

If Coach, Gardener, Cutter, Trent, Rob, Sandy etc...comes - Follow their advice as well...

Read different sitches on the board and you will see they are all pretty much the same just different names and dates.

It sucks period however now you need to take care of you and your children.