Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Forward's new thread

I realized that I feel angry w/X whenever I talk with him. Therefore I still feel that minimal contact is best.

D was back today and is sleeping soundly now.

Hey FW, KM here

I think you are doing the right thing by venting here and staying dark with your WS.

I know not having your kids around is tough.

wish I had better words for you,

but keep your chin up.

What do you think it is that makes you still angry at H?

Try to figure it out so you can get over it - otherwise you can't move on.

I know the feeling - been there so many times. A lot of times, I realized it wasn't actually H I was mad at, but myself (for not having a life, etc...).

Oo, SH, that prompts a lot of thoughts.

-I am angry at the names he called me.
-I am angry at his lack of emotional support for me during difficult times.
-I am angry that I am left with the majority of the financial burden for our daughter.
-I am angry at his childish behavior.
-I am angry that he is spoiled and ungrateful for most of the things that he has been granted in life--more than most people.
-I am angry that he did things w/OW that I had wanted to do with him for years.
-I am angry that he still treats our daughter as an annoyance and won't spend an extra second of time with her.
-I am angry that he treated me as a an annoyance.
-I am angry that he has this miraculous way of avoiding reality and never seems to have to face consequences of his actions.

Forward, I think you are also angry with yourself, putting so much time and energy trying to get him back. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, but I just sense that and its OK. I know its tough to pour so much of yourself into something and it not working out, but you can't change other people.

Hey F:

Now that you have had a "break" - you can be the "spoil parent!"

Do something out of character (ice cream at 11 p.m.) when they come home. Just be the GLAD TO SEE YOU, let's break a few (small) rules! kind of mom.

Kids know when you really miss them, and instead of making it a misery for them (to go) make it a holiday (for a few hours at least) when they come home.
Just my .02

Believe me, I never really lost mine, getting a MLC'r back ain't all what it is cracked up to be.

Whao, that's a long list. Tackle it one by one.

For the names he called you, I'm sure it was extremely hurtful to hear them coming from the one you love. But if he was calling you things that you aren't, you shouldn't let it affect you.

Like I told my S7 when he was crying after being called a sore loser - he would only be crying if he had done something to prove he was indeed a sore loser. But if he was not a sore loser, being CALLED a sore loser shouldn't bother him at all because he should know that he's not. i.e. if someone calls you an armadillo, you KNOW you're not an armadillo, so why would it bother you? But, if someone were to call you something that pinpoints your flaws - your own personal insecurities are going to make you feel defensive and hurt.

Sticks and stones...

Bh, you are right--I am also angry that I allowed myself to be treated in such a way. But I am learning and growing, too.

As far as the name-calling, the thing is that your spouse is able to drill into your insecurities and that is what happened. Part of me believes what X said and that makes it difficult to overcome what he said.

Forward, it's OK, you are learning and growing, just keep working on moving on. As for the name calling, remember this Forward... Anyone who does that, has a deep inferiority that has them try to put someone down to make themselves feel good. He is the one who has the insecurities, not you!! Pay no attention to the babblings of a fool!!!