Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Doing my best, I think

Telling as much as I feel is important Mike. The rest is mostly randon thoughts and questions that have no answers and I need to just put them aside and do what needs done.

And a day with loud cars, drunk rednecks and my brother is just what the DR. ordered for me. Plan on having a great time.

You have a great time in VA also with your GF.

How is your dad doing? I hope all is well with him.

Me? Life is good. I've come upon a very peaceful place in my life and it's great to finally be here.

Take care of you, Tim.



You're doing the right thing here. Although it is your homework from the MC, yes? Maybe it needs to be discussed further as to who initiates this (I'm thinking putting that ball in her court would remove the questions from your mind as to when it's welcome) and it would make it clearer for both of you.

I'm not sure if writing what's going on in your head is going to help settle it down. Talk to someone, get immediate feedback, find peace with it, let it go. You and your W have lots going on right now, keeping your thoughts clear and in the present moment will give you strength.

Are you doing your best? Turn that 'I think' in the thread's title into 'I know I'm doing my best'. For you. The only thing you can control right now (and ever) are your choices. Live in the moment.

WT

Most of the time I'm pretty sure I am doing the best that I can. It's those times that I am mentally exhausted like I am now that doubt creeps in and looking at the positives gets harder. I want to lean on someone but cannot and that is the part that sucks in all of this. M but alone what a lousy place to be in.

Yeah, I hear you on that one.



I hear that one too.

I had times when 'status quo' was moving backwards. For me things were not acceptable so staying the same felt like things were getting worse.

Your time away this weekend will give you time to think. Don't let feelings that you're being selfish chase you away from what you need to do. Hope that makes sense, I have a feeling it will.

WT

Hi Tim. I'll be around. Between 7-8:30 I'm usually putting the kids to bed. But you can call and I'll let you know if I can talk or I'll call you back.

I feel for you man in limbo land. But remember, sometimes going nowhere or even backwards is actually going forward. Don't be fooled by the 'apparent' direction that seems to be. I think you'll understand what I mean. If not, I'll clarify.

Also, Hi WT and MfT. <waving>

Nascar is cool..Bristol is a cool place and within 30 miles of me..I went this past spring..



that time will be what it will be...that's my life now I'm afraid, my mantra..it is what it is..lol



dad is cool at the moment, doing good..no issues..starts radiation and chemo soon...in a week or so..

Hey Tim...just stopped in to catch up on you and Steady...don't get here much lately.

Your words ring a bell with me. Married, but alone...it's those missing pieces. So much is good...but so much needs fixing. I see your wife as trying and wanting it..IMO. After a year, mine would never admit to that, or do anything that shows she wants to.

Hang in there.

Hey, I screwed things up on alt univ and have been trying to put everyone back in...I had you on there, no??

(the other)Tim

Thanks for stopping by Tim. I know you understand how I feel and what I am going thru. I hope she is trying. I can only assume she is, cpncentrate on the positive and continue to move forward

Yes, you had me in the alternate universe. Have not been there lately but you can find me there.

Tim

Yours or mine??...lol.

I honestly think yours is...maybe we can convince each other?

I am pretty sure mine has just settled into a comfort zone that allows her to be OK with her decision, yet enjoy what we have rebuilt over the past year. Waiting for me to finally give up, or for herself to have enough balls to ask me to leave..or go out on her own.

My mistake has been letting her have her cake and eat it...afraid to rock the boat.

You need to remember that your wife has openly told you that she wants the feelings back...she wants things to improve...she is going to MC and IC. At the very least, no matter what happens, you have the satisfaction of knowing that you both tried.

I am going at this alone...beating my head against a wall for a year now, and dumb enough to keep riding the coaster with her.

Sorry..don't mean to spout here on your thread. If I go to mine it's just going to end up being a page of..waaaa...waaa..waaaa...I could go back 6 months and just copy and paste..it would be the same thing...lol.

Take care, Buddy.

Both I hope. Its hard to say when your in the middle of it and so emotionally invested in it.

Her and I seem so unsure how to proceed even with the MC telling us what we need to do. I want to take that first step but its hard to try and get closer to someone that has told you many times that they are not in love with you. Everytime I want to approach her or initiate some sort of physical contact I question if she wants me to do it.

Strange how it has come to this point. Strange how I could live with someone for so many years and know so much about them but still not know how and when I can be close to them.

You and I are going through the same BS. Something is preventing them from taking that step, that leap of faith that we have change that we want them to be happy and that we won't stop being who we are now once they recommit.

We were talking last night about her problems at work and why her boss has been being a bitch to her lately. I told her to try and talk to her find out what happened to piss her boss off that now she is nit picking everything she does. I told her people get upset at you for doing stuff and don't tell you what it is and then stay mad at you and you have no idea why.

If they would just tell you what you did so you can applogize and then move on it would be so much easier and we would not have to be mind readers.

As I am saying this I am directing it at her also. Trying to let her know that you cannot fix a problem if you do not know one exist or if you do but can't figure out exactly what the problem is how can the person you are upset with correct it. She does this chitt to me all the time. Sucks to be on the other end of it.

Told her that both of them need to be adults and talk it out. Find the root of the problem and solve it. I was thinking "Just as I am trying to do."

Hang in there Tim. Time is on your side. She is still living there for a reason and you are still intimate which is alot more than I can say about my R. We are in MC which I hope rebuilds our trust in each other and that the emotional connection will follow along with the physical which I so want to return.

Take care,

Tim