Hey G I am not nearly as eloquent with the words as many others on here, but----
It is very inspiring to see how you have handled these last few months since I came to the board. You have set a great example of how to grow and thrive even with all of these things going on in your life. Maybe the best compliment I can give is that I feel honored when receiving advice (or 2x4's!!) from you in my own situation. Your words are always appreciated because of the respect that I have from reading how you have handled your ordeal.
So thank you again, and we are all wishing you a great 2010!
H: 30 W: 31 S: 2 T/M: 6/4 D Final 4-5-10
Bomb: June 09 Status: D'd and moving onward and upward?
I just journaled this over at Surviving the Big D. It was such a late-in-the game eye-opener for me, I thought I'd drag it over here to my old home.(I can already hear Gypsy reminding me of the times she told me "She's gone, Gardener!. Face it."
Update on update: Just an interesting (to me) aside re: yesterday's mediation finale:
My TGSTBXW was always a wonderful warm, happy, woman to whom people were naturally drawn. Most common description used in reference to her was "she's so nice" (to the point that she almost hated the term).
Anyway, I, of course, have known that she was replaced by her space alien replica since 11/09/08.
And it wasn't until mid-summer of this year that I saw further changes in her and often referred to her here as, "she of the cold, dead eyes and disdainful look."
Long story longer: when my L called this a.m. to see if I was okay and was satisfied with yesterday's outcome, (and to make some mildly derogatory comments about Mediator and TGSTBXW's lawyer), he concluded with:
"And your wife; My God, what an absolute bitch!"
Moral: I saw all the changes, the coldness, the distance, the toxic ways, yet still had some vestiges of the rose-colored, memory glasses on, because hearing someone who I respect spend his first and only two hours with her and come to that conclusion made me realize that I was still not completely seeing or acknowledging the extent of her transformation. I still thought I saw some of the person I once loved in there. A case of finding what you're looking for I guess.
It's not there. She's not there.
Even after fourteen months of working, changing, growing, empathizing, obsessing, DBing, concluding and coming to terms with the brutal reality of my situation, it took a single, simple observation by a stranger, an outsider, to make me finally see, acknowledge, and accept reality.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Hi Gardener- I've been thinking about you the last couple days- I'm glad that yesterday went well for you. You are a class act and someone I am so glad I got to know.
And it is amazing what outsiders can see about our spouses that we can't. (And sometimes it's the other way around- we see what is so well-hidden from outsiders)
