Things are quiet so far today. No fallout, no drama. Waiting to see what happens next...
Of course they're quiet. She's got you quietly back in your place, where she feels you belong, Eeyore.
As for "what happens next," I'd bet $1,000 on "Lather, rinse, repeat." She's going to continue to cheat on you, flaunt it right in front of you, and dare you to do anything about it.
Your entire conversation was useless. Just WORDS. Your ACTIONS (continue to pay for the cellphone and internet that she uses to communicate with another man, right in front of you; back off when she gives you sex; etc.) say to her "Eeyore is okay with all of this; he'll never stand up to me."
Does it make you hot when your W makes a fool out of you? B/c she wakes up from sleeping and wants to have sex and even tells you she "doesn't know why, but she just does" and you do and say it was good? Did you not hear me when I told you that IT IS NOT YOU SHE IS HAVING SEX WITH! SHE IS SIMPLY USING YOUR BODY BUT HER MIND IS ML TO OM!!
And what is this spinless business of IMing your W on the computer in one room to her in the bedroom? Be a man and go yank her off that dang Internet and tell her that she is not going to cyber scew another man with you in the same room! My God, what has happen to some of you men who allow that to go on? But, I guess as long as you are getting her in the sack then you can deal with it?
Well let me tell you what will be next on the list. One of these OM (or more than one) will start putting pressure on her to meet in person to take it to the phsycial level. And....having you stand-in for sex will stop doing "it" for her and she will crave "more", so she will agree to meet one of them. You are not worried b/c you think since one of them is on the other side of the world that it isn't a threat, but another one will take his place.
Your W is not attracted to you b/c you lost your b@lls, and you know what that makes you. The sex with you won't last much longer b/c batteries are too cheap for her to put up with a wimp of a man.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Eeyore ... I thought you said you weren't going to be a donkey no more. You're getting 100% spot on advice from some of the best people on this board.
I won't be getting involved in your thread, but here's a tip for you:
1) You're in denial 2) You're living in fear of her 3) You're ignoring the truth
If you don't show the people here that you're willing to do the work it takes to break this affair. There are hundreds of other people on this board who would die to have their time, advice and attentions... so why should they waste their time on you if you continue to ignore them?
I'm trying to live up to my screen name. Here's the latest...
Monday night, W and I went to bed early. The kids had been out for a few days due to the snow, and were supposed to be back to school on Tuesday, so it was an early morning for us the next day.
At 3am, my W's cell phone went off and woke us up. I asked her what was going on, and she said OM was upset and wanted to talk, and she went to get up. I asked her why it was so important that she had to leave our bed in the middle of the night, and she said she needed to see if she could help him, and went to get online. When I woke up at 5, she was still IM'ing.
Eeyore has had enough. I got the kids ready and took them to school, then went to work. I stayed as dark as possible for the rest of the day and Wednesday morning while I figured out what I wanted to say (no calls/text from work, minimal contact at home, no affection, no touching in bed).
Late Wednesday morning, I was home again due to the snow. W came in and asked what was going on with me, since I had been acting different. I told her, "At 3am, another man texted you on the cell phone you sleep with under your pillow and said he wanted to talk. I asked you not to go, but you left our bed and went to him. I am not willing to stay in an open marriage, and I am not willing to share our marriage with another man. If contact continues, I will consider all of my options, including divorce. I love you and am willing to fight for our marriage, but I am not willing to continue like this any longer." She said he was "just a friend who needed help", and I told her that was what his W was for. My W said OMW was part of the problem, that I must not trust her, and that we had problems long before he came into the picture. I told her it had nothing to do with trust, and that I was not willing to let her use our problems as a justification for talking to him. I told her I was not willing to tolerate this any longer, that I had some serious choices to make about my future, and walked away.
Since then, she has been exceptionally polite, and keeps trying to draw me into conversations about nothing in particular. For the first time in months, she was motivated to get off the computer and clean the house, and we worked together all day on housework. Neither of us have talked about the R since then. She stayed offline all day, and has left her phone downstairs (it usually doesn't leave her side).
Not sure what to expect next. I've had the first hard conversation, I just need to stick to my guns and not back down.
I'd expect the sound to be "crunch" as my Volvo drove over her cell phone. And that she would be swearing up and down a storm when she found there was no longer any Internet service at your house.
You have the advice you need. Please follow all that you have been given. People here will give up on you, as you are not following advice. For your own good, you need to act.
Not sure what to expect next. I've had the first hard conversation, I just need to stick to my guns and not back down.
I would expect her to test you again, and to adjust her contact (push it further underground) so as not to have to deal with this new boundary (which you enforced pretty well, btw).
Advice: monitor alternate intel channels*, and prepare to enforce the boundaries again.
Puppy
*Waywards are like terrorists. If they blow up a plane, and you increase security on planes, they're going to switch tactics. Now, it's entirely possible, considering your past stance towards your wife's affair has been so WEAK, that she will merely test you again using the same method (cellphone call in your own home, in your own bed), to test your resolve. But she may not want the hassle, and will try something different.
DO YOU HAVE A KEYLOGGER ON THAT COMPUTER SHE'S IMing HIM FROM?? Who's paying for the internet access??
