Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers First time poster feeling a bit lost

HI Sandii,

I am Ok.

She wont give up the kids, They will have to stay with her.

Heres the deal, I am going to start D proceedings against her for The PA. I dont want her back.

Her and kids can move in here until we get the finance sorted.
Boundaries need to be established.
I am moving out, closer to work, etc... Visit children when I can.

I dont see another way, unless she agrees to move back with the kids.

Unlikely. (and not the best move for me/Us)

So its for the best..

MT

I'm so sorry.

Thanks,

Its an awful sitch, she doesnt get it though, she cant see past herself right now..
Even if me and her are completely over...she has little or no regard for anyone else around her..Her parents are devastated...but it doesnt matter.

I dont know her right now. and my eyes are starting to open, my only concern now is, if I move out although for all the right reasons, do I give her the legal/financial upper hand?

I am going to take some advice, I still want to play fair but I dont want her to have the opportunity not to play fair..if that makes sense.

2010...The beginning?

MT

Protect you and the children. That is your priority. If she D's you, then you are no longer responsible to protect her or take care of her financially, other than what the court dictates. So, no don't give her the upper hand.

Hi,

Been a while since I last posted, Things have been both bad and good.
I am now out of the house, she is in but under some retrictions like he cant go there.
I am still keeping myself fit in between partying, I have had a few dates with someone, but things have been strained, we enjoy each other's company but there are moments of jealousy from her side especially when I spend days with children, so I have decided that we wont see each other anymore.

My wife and I met yesterday she brought the children to me, then she broke down in tears and told me how stupid she has been, how she still loved me..I just stood there.
Later she SMS'd to tell me she still loved me always did, she told her OM that she didnt want to be with him anymore.

I went to see her last night, I told her that the OM wasnt a Big obstacle for me but I wasnt planning to rush to get things back, we needed time, hard work etc...counselling what ever.
Then She told me she is still in love with him, if we get back she may resent me, she sees the changes in me, she admitted she still finds me attractive and she has a huge amount of respect for me but isnt sure if we can ever be lovers again (to be honest I am not sure about this either). She says she wants to be by herself to "get her head straight".

This is really confusing for me, 1st she says sorry I love you, next thing "sorry about that didnt mean to mess you about".

I think I'll just leave her alone, and carry on sorting myself.

Anyone seen this before? or offer any advice?

Thanks

MT.

I txtd her today to tell her that OM wasnt the big issue for me and that we should try counselling.
Her response " I dont think I can" She told OM already that she wants him back.. not even 24hrs after the split with OM..
I dont know if this means back right now or back when her heads straight.

I advised her to go to couselling or something, start being a mother first..looking after herself before making any decisions regarding men..Me or Him.

Maybe she sees this a ploy on my part, but I do care how she acts/feels right now. Partly for her I see her pain/confusion..But more importantly for the children.

I am not sure how stable she is right now and if the childrens best interests are at the forefront of her mind. I think this is going to go to thje next step very quickly. i.e. the children to introduced to him..They are NOT ready.

They are deeply upset and its fairly evident to all but her.

I know I cant help her..her problems are not mine. but whereas I was coming to terms with situation yesterdays outburst from her has sort of stirred alot of emotion up for me..its a bit cruel.


anyone..any advice?

MT

I forgot to say in my last posts, she is back in the house..I moved out just after christmas..It has helped me alot..

I feel stronger everyday..more like my old self only better.

MT

one thing she told me on a last meeting, is how much respect and admoration she has for me.
She even told me she still finds me attractive especially with the recent changes in me. she said I looked amazing.

Its funny how it still isnt enough and even now this OM has a sort of grip on her.
She also told me how good a father and husband ive been, and how she knows it her thats done this and if we were to get back together its her that would have to do the most changing.

Im not sure I agree fully with this marriage is two way. I hope this isnt the obstacle she cant get over?

MT

She tested to see if you were still waiting around for her and you were. So she went back to OM. Nothing shocking or new there. Focus on taking care of yourself and your kids. Keep walking away and she will have to decide if she wants you or OM.

what Pearl said.

Steve M suggested you grow a spine from as far back as end Nov 2009. Seriously, it's time you took that advice. Filing or not, your W is still pulling all your strings and jerking you around at will.

If you were her, would you even have any respect, much less attraction, for you?