Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My story, what to do next.

Only once your wife expressed she is willing to reconcile, and come back and work on the marriage. Then, yeah, you need a "Sister Latifah" moment with your mom.

But NOT NOW. Never shelter a walkaway from the consequences of their walkawayness.

Puppy

thanks ptd,
in my mind i was sure that it would be the right thing to do make w and mom at peace (at least 4 the kids sake). it sure is nice to have people like u to help guild me through this process.

OK so I've been gone for way too long, check my thread (link in sig) if you want to know about it. I've missed coming here.



This could go either way. In my case my mom's judgemental attitude towards my W is a lot of the reason my W claims she'd never come back - because my family doesn't accept her. She doesn't link this to her being a WAW, she links it to they NEVER liked her. Now that I think about it more it probably has little effect anyways, as I doubt if my mom's being nice now will convince her anything had ever been different. AAARGGG!!!! good luck, I'll need it too.

couple questions I hope you guys can help me figure out.
W does a lot of temperature checks with me. A couple of months ago I told her that we are in different places now and that if something changes with that we can let each other know. However, I still get the "how are you feeling about us?" question about once a week. Lately I have been saying that I did want this to work, but I can understand your point and I feel that D may be the best answer for us. any thoughts on a different approach or should I just stick with it.

Another thing that comes up often is her saying sorry for our sitch. My typical response is something like "I am not mad at you" or "you are just following your feelings". I wonder if I should probe her to get her to explain what exactly it is she is "sorry about"

I might say that I don't know what I want or I'm not ready to answer that.

D3 cut her hair for the second time in the last 1 1/2 months. 1st time she took off 10". We were able to make a cute "dora" haircut for her. now she took it down to about 2" on one side. This time it is unrepairable. I text W this morning to fill her in. She responds with "do you think it is because of us?" I say IDK, and remind her to bring me a list of C's through her work. I need to talk to someone about the stresses of handling 3 young kids by yourself. I try to give all my attention to them, and they are such good kids, but it is so upsetting when something like this happens.

I would answer her "I'm doing pretty good, actually," and sound upbeat.

And when she says she's sorry, maybe say "I've heard you."

Puppy

exploratory phase in children. time you learn to start putting the sissors way up high. and do yourself a favor lock up the medicine cabinet thats usually the next fascination after the sissors.

Dropped son off at W house after swimming lessons tonight. I had such a good day and really felt that I didn't need or want anything to do with W. I know this is something that comes and goes, but it just feels great when I can go through a day carefree. I need to be able to find out a way to stay in this zone.

When I dropped off S I really just wanted to leave. W keeps coming up with conversation trying to get me to talk. We have Realtor coming on Friday to check out house and to put it up for sale. She plans on coming Fri. morning to clean and stage. I say don't worry I'll get it in shape tomorrow. She insists on coming over Fri to clean together. I tell her that I will leave door unlocked and she can do whatever she needs to do, but I have plans. I try to leave once and she brings up something irrelevant to talk about. I didn't find her attractive at all today. Maybe my fog is lifting?

W wrote my mom (they don't get along well) an email this weekend. In it she wrote how our relationship had just become a battle and that she never meant for it to get to this. She said that she loves me and always will and always will love my family. She said the 6 best times of her life when she told me she was pregnant and when she had the kids (she remembers the look on my face every time). She acknowledged that I was a great father. She said that once she had the kids, they took priority as well as her job and our relationship took a backseat and eventually drifted apart.

For V day I helped the kids make a nice card for her with pictures and a poem.( 180 for me) She text and said it was the most beautiful card she had ever seen and thanked me for it. I text back saying the kids worked very hard on it. S7 said that mom loves her card and said she is keeping it forever.

Anyway, I am still very detached and feel good about myself. My thoughts for my W have definitely changed in the past couple of weeks and I really no longer know if that she is what I want. In order for this to ever work, an enormous amount of change would have to take place.