I know just what you are talking about...that is what keeps me from talking r because of the hurt of hearing him say he doesn't know or worse. I'm now determined to live in the moment. I can't say that it isn't hard to live in the moment...I so want reassurance! But to push h doesn't pay off and it only hurts me...so I live today and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.
Your advice helps. I see that I need to not be overwhelming with the affection but to encourage him with some well placed touches, hugs, etc.
I'm trying to be encouraging! I did leave a message for him today to say that I had a good time this weekend. But you are right, he shouldn't have to do everything...I think I'll ask him to lunch or dinner this week . You are right about the occassional invites....don't want to be too hard to get I'm his wife afterall .
Gosh, I hope I can maintain this momentum for longer than 2 weeks....I've yet to make it that far without some kind of incident (r talk).
My ex always said the same thing. 2 weeks and then I would do something to move us farther back. It has been almost a month now since I have done or said anything that has given her reason to be mad at me. I will continue doing this, no matter how much I want to ask about her "plans".
You made it a month...that's awesome! I've got 2 weeks under my belt and am treading on eggshells. I ask nothing about his plans...it's hard but I console myself with the fact that he does seek me out for dates.
I've taken your advice and live for the moment! It seems to working quite well for our r and for my peace of mind!!!!
Its hard to do, and the eggshells will turn into concrete after awhile. Everytime you start to say something out of fear, just swallow hard, take a deep breath and move on to something else. Hey if he is asking you out, then an R may be developing. Just take it slow. remember, you are trying to start all over.
I felt that way when this first all happened to me six months ago, I couldn't relax around my H at all, I was nervous and H noticed it also. He was also very mean to me and I took it and let him be mean to me, I broke down crying a lot and saying "why, why", but not more. That me is gone.
Now I'm at peace with myself and comfortable in my own skin. This has take awhile to happen, but just lately I've been experiencing this inner peace even when my H is around, which is a 180. I like this new me and don't want to lose this new me. You can do it too girlfriend!
You know that 'starting all over' takes me by surprise each time I see it! It's a hard concept to grasp though I think I'm doing it. It's hard to see this as the slate wiped clean because I keep expecting my h's reactions to things I do and say to be a certain way.
They were not this weekend....for example at one point my son and I got into a disagreement and instead of helping me my h let me deal with son alone. It was almost like hey the kids act up when you are here you deal with it...I didn't much like it but hey I dealt with it. I probably should have said something but he seemed to respect what discipline I meted out for our son and left us alone.
I'm sure my h is thinking the same thing about me...hey she's not doing what she normally does. Well at least I hope that is what he's thinking about my changes.
Oh, and about OW...well I found out or actually saw her trying to get back together with her h that has filed for d! So there is nothing there between my h and ow (well at least this ow that I know of).
I'm doing it...being comfortable with this ME I haven't known in a long time (since I was so much living my h's life for him that I didn't have my own )! But I worry that my h won't like who I am, this new me!
I guess he does kind of like me...he does invite me out and wants to spend the night with me so I guess I'm going the right way!
Quote: But I worry that my h won't like who I am, this new me!
This was my biggest fear also. And that was BEFORE any of this stuff happened! I was afraid if I changed H wouldn't like ME so I let H say what he wanted to me, not cause to much of a fuss about things he was doing, that he'd be happy. Well you know what it didn't matter, H wasn't happy. I was a doormat, let him walk all over me and treat me like crap for nothing, he left anyway. H even commented that maybe I should have spoke up more..
Now I'm changing for ME and I like MYSELF and if H doesn't like me the way I am, than that's too bad for H. It is now more important to like myself, to respect myself and to make H respect me also. I'm working on this, it's hard battle for me as I still have problems standing up for myself. But I AM working on it. I shall do this, it is very important to me now.
I like myself so much more now and have a new confidence about me that I wouldn't trade for anything, well mabye my H, if he can't accept the new me.
So if your H doesn't like this new you, than that's H's problem. Keep the faith, girl. You can do this.
I hope so! Got 14 days until the hearing and I have not heard anything from h regarding the continuance. I guess that is a good sign...he would have called right away if he still wanted the d.
I'll see him tonight at soccer practice...maybe he'll say something positive for our marriage.
Quote: I like myself so much more now and have a new confidence about me that I wouldn't trade for anything, well mabye my H, if he can't accept the new me.
It's hard not to compromise the new me to get my h back! Sometimes I find myself tempted to just keep the peace at the cost of what I want. It's a fine line to walk.
. You are right about the occassional invites....don't want to be too hard to get I'm his wife afterall 
.
)! But I worry that my h won't like who I am, this new me! 
so I guess I'm going the right way!