I sent my SO a message tonight asking what she was up to, she replied that she was going to bed and turned her phone off.
I dont know why, but her turning her phone off made me think she might be with the OM...so I went over to her dads house where she's living, and confronted her.
She came out and told me to leave. I asked her who was there and she told me who (OM) and I said I wanted to talk to him. She said no, told me to leave or she was going to call the cops.
So I left. She turned her phone back on and I calle her to ask her why she was so angry. She told me that we're done, we've been done, and if I had any chance in hell of use being together again it's now gone. She said she didnt want to talk to me unless it was about our daughter medically.
I told her I wanted to talk to OM...that if he was going to be around my daughter I wanted to know who he was. And so he got the phone and we talked fairly calmly. I explained how it had been so soon since she and I parted and how this was my family that was broken up....and how we havent really had a chance to see if things could be worked out.
He responded with all the right things to say, how much he respected me and my position, how he didnt want to be a homewrecker, how he adored our daughter, how much he respected and cared about my SO and how if she wanted to work things out with me he would step aside. He said he had asked my SO time and time again if things were done between her and I, and she had assured him that for the last 6 months to a year we were more like roomates and she had had enough. Without calling it a "Walkaway wife syndrome", I ended up telling him how people in relationships/marriages can be having problems, and the one who's upset will try to tell the other that things are going wrong, but after a while they give up and so the other person assumes everythings ok.
I said that with him there, doing/saying all the things for her that I didnt that made her want to leave me, it doesnt seem likely that that would happen. He reiterated that he would step aside and let us be together and respect whatever decision my SO made. How magnanimous.
My SO then took the phone back and told me we're done...she said she's moving on...and if I keep harassing her she's going to call the cops. Apparently I wasnt harassing her today when I was wathcing our daughter while she got her hair styled (for OM I guess).
My SO was like night and day...the woman I posted about in the my sitch thread this afternoon was completely different than the way she was tonight. He was saying things to her...and she was like a completely different person. I think some of the things she was saying was simply because he was there. I wonder if he knows she and I have been spending time together?
Was she just playing me? She told me she wouldnt string me along...and while it wasnt like we were getitng really close, she seemed like she was considering me another chance.
So I guess I have no choice but to implement the boundary...no talk with her unless its medically necessary about our daughter?
Should I apologize to her and say it wont happen again? Should I tell her to forget last night ever happened?
Sandi, gardner, puppy....anybody. what do I do? I'm so scared and so confused
If she is with another man, she is not your significant other. If you were significant to her, she'd be with you and not him. I wish I could tell this to every person who is being cheated on.
And leave OM be. He is a PREDATOR; why would you try to reason with a predator? It's like Obama trying to be "reasonable" with the ayatollahs and the North Koreans. Appeasement doesn't work.
You may be able to get a temporary restraining order against OM coming in contact with your daughter for a period of time. You should talk to your atty about that.
Of COURSE she was lying, and playing you. ALL CHEATERS LIE -- period. What part of that is difficult to understand?
About a week ago, Gucci gave you some great advice. It still applies:
Originally Posted By: gucci loafer
And you are STILL making this all about what you want. She says she wants out, but YOU want her to come back.
So you are still being the same selfish person she always saw in you. IF she wants out then so be it. LET her go. Stop contacting her. Stop trying to win her back. Anything else is making it all about you again. You are basically tellling her once again.. "I don't care what you want, give me what i want. I want to stay together, I want you back, I want another chance"
Get the DB and DR book. That is what we use here as our guide. The pursuing and begging, pleading has to STOP. It is pushing your SO further away. You need to detach and give her space. This is the detach link: http://www.livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/ There is no magic button that is going to make this better. You need to educate yourself. Read and learn. Knowledge is power.
If she is with another man, she is not your significant other. If you were significant to her, she'd be with you and not him. I wish I could tell this to every person who is being cheated on.
SO TRUE
M44 H41 M20 T23 3 older teens Bomb Nov 09 "i'm not happy" EA Nov 09 w/coworker Another PA in Mar 10 I Filed Apr 10 D final Dec 10
I'm very nervous right now...as she is supposed to bring our daughter back home in about 2 hours.
I dont know if she will even be the one to bring her...and if she does if she'll just drop her off and leave. If she doesnt her father or his girlfriend might be the one dropping our D off...and that makes me even more nervous.
I dont know what to say to any of them. I know it shouldnt be a conversation...but I probably should at least say I'm sorry and that it will never happen again.
I wish I had never went over there last night. And like she said...if I did have any chance...its gone now. But then again she may have been saying that just to twist the screws a little harder.
