darn! I should have been wearing a mask!!!! LOL Wait but he got it first.. it is probable that you got it from him.. you and those lipstick tactits hehehehe OK, now bed it is Will be back later Big Hug nightshade
"Each and every one of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought and the gift of understanding. "
Well dangerous but not immediately. Say around 3 am...
H is in carpool duty today. I am dressed to kill: we are interviewing a potential new partner. So it is bussiness dinner at posh restaurant tonight. Ss not invited (H will be taking D to ice skating anyway).
But I do not work tomorrow!!!
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
Bet you looked fabulous, all dressed up! Hope you figured a way to let H see you looking like that!
As for tinkering, I think for me the main thing has been to keep the tinkering to myself! I have to remember not to try to fix everyone around me, but just to work on me. There are days when I REALLY want to point out to H all that he is doing WRONG and what he should do to FIX it....but I bite my tongue MOST of the time... I do slip up here and there, but am getting better. What I do now is try to figure out what it is about H's behaviour that is bothering me....what inside me is disturbed? Then, I work on that. For example, if he doesn't spend enough time with me...in my humble opinion that is....instead of getting mad at him, I try to figure out why I need him to spend more time with me. Maybe I am bored....so then I go do something....maybe I am feeling insecure...so then I work on my self esteem by doing something good for myself...maybe I am jealous if he is watching non-stop sports, then I can try to watch sports with him, and get involved in his passion, or I can make plans to go see a friend or hit an AA meeting or go to church or bible study...when his sporting events are on television...so that my time is filled.
NOW, when he is BLAMING me for things, I have to step back and refuse to take that personally. I don't have to keep talking to him, if he is being rude...I can calmly disengage from the conversation and let him know that we can talk later when he is able to discuss things more rationally...or more diplomatically. Sometimes, I don't even put that on him....I just say that I am not able to have this discussion with him at this time...and then I get off phone or walk away from him...but do so calmly...not angrily stomping off or slamming down phone....
Don't know if any of that helped or if I am just babbling...
Anyway, like I said originally, bet you looked absolutely fabulous all dressed up!
Here is your horoscope for this week (up to Saturday). you can look it up in www.cainer.com
LEO: Astrologers often take quite a hectoring tone. "Watch out for this, avoid that, curb this tendency, resist that temptation." It is very hard to give advice without sounding like some interfering busybody with a wagging finger. I shall now try to stop myself falling into this trap. Your chart shows all the classic signs of extremism and extravagance. You are either taking a fear too seriously or a limitation too lightly. Or both. But then, who am I to stop you? I shall merely point out that there's a disparity between deception and reality.
I am not sure of what to make of it, though.
And yes, Alaska, you are right. It is difficult to shut up and not fly in defense when they get like that. But you have done such a good job so far in taking it in stride. You should be very proud of yourself.
Unfortunately, H is sick and not up to paying much attention to how I looked. I just talked to him and he was in a really bad mood.
Well, here is my horoscope for today:
Often, we experience a great sense of exhilaration and confidence as we hurtle towards the edge of a cliff. Often, too, we feel nothing but anxiety and apprehension whilst making some of the smartest moves of our life. Recent events have left you wondering where you really stand with someone or something. Too much in your world seems pensive and precarious. But none of that can be seen as a sure sign that there is anything wrong.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
I guess when they are BLAMING one tactic is to just validate their feelings....agreeing that we know that is how they feel....doesn't mean we agree that they are right, LOL...just that that's how they feel....for example, My H blamed me for not being committed to family when he was at work (as I was going out to bars) I felt that he was not committed to family when he was home...so was feeling lonely all the time...However, when he blamed me...I said something like, "I understand that you felt betrayed and didn't feel like I was committed to our marriage. I am sorry you felt that way. I am committed to our marriage and want you to feel more secure in our relationship. I know that I can't just tell you that, I have to prove it to you. Actions speak louder than words and so I am doing my best to show you how much I want our marriage to be a success." Then, I let it drop. It was VERY hard not to respond by telling him how many times I had reached out to him and he had snubbed me...or start listing all the things he did that p***ed me off! But, that would have made things worse, not better....
No one said this stuff was easy! However, it's soo worth it. Becoming a bigger, better person...taking responsibility for one's own actions and letting go of those desires to control one's partner....getting spouse back through attraction.... all seem like simple concepts, but we know how hard they are to put into practice with emotions raging on inside of us...I mean even simple things like your H being sick and probably crabby because of that....can be so upsetting to us if we are not in the right frame of mind...
Optimist, the great thing about you though is that you ARE an Optimist and you have a great PMA and you know that no matter what YOU are going to be ok! You keep going, girl!
My partner just asked me to help him get a 10th wedding anniversary present for his wife. We have three hours to kill before the 'big dinner thing' tonight so I said I would. It means that I am going jewelry shopping and someone else foots the bill. Ain't it cool?
Of course it would be cooler if I got to keep what I buy, but you cannot have everything in life
Just talked to H: he is not in very good shape. I am not going to think much about it, though. Totally beyond my control, anyway.
Cartier... here I go!
I am lucky to have two partners who are really commited to their families. One has been married for 40 years and the other for nearly 10. And they have supported me a lot during this stressful time. Even to not questioning why I am still trying.
"You don't throw a whole life away just 'cause it's banged up a little"
Tom Smith in "Seabiscuit"
