Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? It's the end of the world as we know it, & I feel-

Kerry, once again

YOU SO CRAZY!!!!

Well he doesn't want any of it... some of it is stuff from his childhood, AF days, and such that might be meaningful for the kdis.... his parents live on a sailboat and now he lives on a 40ft boat so no room he says and he can't afford storage. So I am being NICE and gathering all his stuff (even stuff his mom gave me when they moved out of their home) and the day it's final... I am going to put it in the little 17ft boat (that he is supposed to take possession of and pay for) and give him an appropriate amount of time to take the boat out of the garage and all his stuff or I'll haul it off.

For some reason he thinks the house is his storage unit. I want my 3 car garage to be a 3 car garage and not a boat holder. Not sure why he wants two boats but whatever.

Sorry for the HIJACK.... back to everyone nagging BBJ

I moved out of the house so XH could move back in to sell it, with the plan being that we'd go through everything together (or perhaps individually). I only took what I really needed or was clearly mine, left a lot of stuff for staging. Well, while the house was on the market he decided to take a lot of things to Goodwill without my consent AND he and OW bought the house from me. I never got the final go-through. Be glad you get to go through everything.

Cindy

That is why I chose to pack his stuff up. That way I keep what I want and give him what I don't. Some is obv like his old college textbooks, cattle magazines, clothes, etc.

But I also divided dishes and other kitchen stuff, keeping the ones I liked best. His mom is a shopper(HOARDER!) so we had like 3 glass measuring cups, 4 glass 9x13 bake pans, etc etc. Feels good to let go of stuff and have more space...

Oh and Sydney is home with a fever cough and runny nose today. Bummer! Means I am home too, and I was gone a day last week bc I was sick...

(((((BobbiJo)))))(((((Sydney)))))

I hope your little one feels better soon! I also hope BobbiJo feels better soon!

(((Hugs to Sydney..sister in sickness lol)))

BobbiJo you are amazing. Your strength and composure is fantastic, and there are many out here who are so proud of you!

I know I am proud of my sis.

I probably just don't say it often enough for fear that she'll get all puffed up on us. Maybe some people are better equipped than I to handle the praise that they are do.

Be Holy Spirit blessed my prarie sis.

prayers for a healthy family too.

Ted

BBJ, your thread gives me a lot of food for thought as we`re also separated and have young children to care for.Is it really better for the kids to not have visitation in the family home? H and I have been going on the assumption is that it`s better for the kids to have some time with H in our family home. They are young and it`s their home. It does cause tension, though. H gets stressed and I feel like I have to be on when he`s around. But the kids still get to see their parents have some normal and pleasant interactions, which I think helps with their security base.

Doc says Sydney is borderline at the 4-5 day mark of cough...he gave us strong cough syrup and says if she isn't better by Sat it is probably bacterial vs viral and he will order antibiotics then.

Last night I got the calendar done, I will email it to Dan today as my laptop is apparently not speaking to my printer.

He showed up around 8:45 I was pumping up my exercise ball to do some core work...he brought kids in and put them in pjs. As they were brushing teeth I came in the bathroom and said,

"I am sure there is a lot you need to do between the house and cows. I will put them to bed and you can go." (Hard to say much else in front of the kids.)

He looked a little confused, then said, "You want to work out, I will put them to bed."

I said, "No, it's ok. I will exercise after they are asleep. Kids, tell daddy good night!"

He was obv surprised but he got his coat and headed down the stairs. The state of the union was on and he was watching from the steps. I just said "Good night" and went into the kids' room.

A minute later I heard the front door, after that I realized the tv was still on pretty loud so I got up to go turn it off. Well he was standing at the doorway with the door open (hello it is january!) watching tv still?

I said, "Oh, you're still here. I was just turning that off so the kids wouldn't hear the noise. By the way I wrote up the calendar I will email it to you tomorrow." He sounded surprised but just said, "Oh, ok..." and I turned off the tv and went back to the kids and he left...

FM-

I was gong on the same assumption, that it is good for the kids' security to see us together sometimes and to be in their own home.

However my counselor said that

a)This can be misleadng to the kids as they see us together and think that we are ok or that we will be ok/getting back together

b)This is 'rescuing' behavior because we take on the consequences of H leaving the home. If he chose to leave, he chose to leave, so he doesn't get the luxury of hanging out there anymore. Where they go and what they do is his problem.

c)This is taking on his consequences to shield the children, too. Yes, they will be sad/upset when daddy isn't around anymore, or daddy has to take them somewhere else instead of 'their' home. But that is not something we cause so we don't have to make up for it. Unfortunately, disappointed kids are a consequence of a man or woman walking away...when we try to make it better we are just enabling the walk-away to feel less of the impact of their decisions

Perfect explanation of that BBJ!