I hope not! Take it from me Kevin. Read my entire thread from 8/07! That is how long I have been doing this.
You are wasting so much time when you could be moving on with your life.
Does exh still get to me?! Heck yes! He still gets under my skin like no other. But, I am finally letting go of any expectations of him coming back. You should do the same.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I agree with others. She now has the perfect storm to file for a D. And when she finds out you did not tell her about your not having a job, that is a great opportunity for the sh!t to hit the fan.
Is your wife a trophy wife? Does she exhibit some of these traits? Mine definitely did, but I was able to paint over that in my head and defend her to others that noticed...
No.10 - She's self-centered
To a bitch, the only person in the world of any importance is herself. Others are merely warm bodies who get in the way of her selfish pursuits. She is the only person affected by a tragedy. The only feelings worth considering are hers. A bitch is so obsessed with herself that she would rather get a manicure than visit your father in the hospital.
No one should have to tolerate this kind of superiority complex -- especially a good man, who tends to be the preferred victim of the bitch.
No.9 - She criticizes everything about you
Shaming is a common tactic women use to control their men. The bitch takes this to the extreme. By making you feel inadequate in every domain, she hopes to make you lose your self-confidence, then rely on her to do things "right." Nothing is good enough for her, and you are the only one, aside from her bitch friends, who actually listens. So she nags about everything you say and do
No.8 - She's coldhearted
A bitch is typically amoral, adhering minimally to the ethical codes of society while transgressing those that are inconvenient to her. She dismisses civility for her own gains. She's manipulative and scheming, always looking for underhanded ways of taking advantage of people or even hurting them. And as proof that she lacks a woman's gentle soul, she never cries or shows soft emotion.
No.7 - She expects to be treated like a queen
A bitch is usually a spoiled brat who simply refuses to grow up. She was pampered and adored as a child, and typically given anything she asked for. As an adult, she still thinks she is entitled to everything. She consistently expects car rides, gifts and attention from you. She makes constant demands of people, and never listens to their requests. There is no fixing such a person; it's programmed into her. Only by being denied several times will she begin to get a clue.
No.6 - She slights you in bed
You want to know just how heartless such a woman can be? Not only does she not appreciate all the effort you put into pleasing her sexually, she also has the gall to ridicule you. But she'll pick the oddest times to do so, such as during an unrelated argument or just randomly in passing. This could be a cruel comment about your size, stamina or technique. More grating still is the fact that she would go crazy if you were to reciprocate the slur.
No.5 - She treats people like trash
As someone who believes luxury treatment is owed to her, a bitch has no respect for those who do things for her. She's rude to people who work in the service industry, such as waiters and clerks, seeing them not as human beings, but as robots who exist solely to serve her. She talks at them -- not to them.
She has no compassion for people in need, such as the poor or the sick. "It's their own fault," she'll tell herself and others. More sickening still, she's mean to children, as they are a nuisance and can't do anything for her. And since her existence dwells on envy, she constantly badmouths other women over trivial things, such as their earrings or the way they speak.
No.4 - She never pays
As she thinks that it is the duty of others to provide for her, the bitch is a tightwad. On dates she always selects expensive restaurants and orders the priciest dish and drink, but never offers to pay. She won't pitch in for gas on trips or for food at a get-together. She buys crappy gifts for others, when she can be bothered, usually expecting you to pay for them. And if you mention any of these things, she'll accuse you of being cheap!
No.3 - She bosses you around
A bitch's massive superiority complex makes her think people are born to be her servants, especially her boyfriend. As someone who spends a lot of his time with her, she uses you to do all the menial tasks that she doesn't want to. Sometimes she'll even boss you around for the power trip -- just because she can.
No.2 - She embarrasses you in public
A bitch cares nothing about the feelings of others, not even those of the hapless sap she may be dating. In fact, she uses her man as a punching bag. Sometimes she even berates him in front of his friends, or even hers. She does this either as a power trip, to show others she can, or simply to beat a man's self-worth down to her own level -- after all, misery loves company.
No.1 - She flirts with other men
This is the most intolerable trait of a bitch, which many men sadly tolerate. She'll tease and allure other men right in front of you, never once considering how you may feel about it. There are no bounds to her search for attention and admiration. And to top it off, she'll extract whatever feelings of jealousy she can from you by comparing you to other men.
I posted this on my thread but I think it could apply to you too...
From my favorite Twitter site...$hitmydadsays
"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world $hits on everybody. Pretending it ain't $hit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."
I really liked that...I take it as we have to realize our problems are problems and fix them and not pretend everything will just be ok, it takes work.
I'm not calling you an idiot(just to be clear)...I did exactly what you did, ex would be nice for a couple days/weeks and I would think things were turning a corner, then boom something hits.
Last edited by volleydog; 01/27/1005:00 PM.
Me:40 W: 39 T: 17 years M: 15 years S-9 D-6 D final 11/10/2009
"We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as insoluble problems."
Kevin - do you remember what I posted after my H and I went to court? How he was texting me and e-mailing me constantly? Do you remember what happened WEEKS after court when it came time for him to sign the final Agreement? Hours before it was supposed to be filed he backed out and was terribly cruel to me about it. There was a reason he was now reaching out and it had nothing to do with desire for me.
Your W has been pretty open with you about her job search. Don't think for a second she did not know that she would be taking a pay cut. While she was looking and exploring her options for her future she kept you close then asked you to borrow money. You said yes, she could if necessary. Did you not just say you have not heard a peep from her? Why do you think that is? She is now settled with her job and new house, she knows you have her back with money and she can keep on doing what she pleases.
I agree with others. She now has the perfect storm to file for a D. And when she finds out you did not tell her about your not having a job, that is a great opportunity for the sh!t to hit the fan.
Is your wife a trophy wife? Does she exhibit some of these traits? Mine definitely did, but I was able to paint over that in my head and defend her to others that noticed...
No.10 - She's self-centered
To a bitch, the only person in the world of any importance is herself. Others are merely warm bodies who get in the way of her selfish pursuits. She is the only person affected by a tragedy. The only feelings worth considering are hers. A bitch is so obsessed with herself that she would rather get a manicure than visit your father in the hospital.
No one should have to tolerate this kind of superiority complex -- especially a good man, who tends to be the preferred victim of the bitch.
No.9 - She criticizes everything about you
Shaming is a common tactic women use to control their men. The bitch takes this to the extreme. By making you feel inadequate in every domain, she hopes to make you lose your self-confidence, then rely on her to do things "right." Nothing is good enough for her, and you are the only one, aside from her bitch friends, who actually listens. So she nags about everything you say and do
No.8 - She's coldhearted
A bitch is typically amoral, adhering minimally to the ethical codes of society while transgressing those that are inconvenient to her. She dismisses civility for her own gains. She's manipulative and scheming, always looking for underhanded ways of taking advantage of people or even hurting them. And as proof that she lacks a woman's gentle soul, she never cries or shows soft emotion.
No.7 - She expects to be treated like a queen
A bitch is usually a spoiled brat who simply refuses to grow up. She was pampered and adored as a child, and typically given anything she asked for. As an adult, she still thinks she is entitled to everything. She consistently expects car rides, gifts and attention from you. She makes constant demands of people, and never listens to their requests. There is no fixing such a person; it's programmed into her. Only by being denied several times will she begin to get a clue.
No.6 - She slights you in bed
You want to know just how heartless such a woman can be? Not only does she not appreciate all the effort you put into pleasing her sexually, she also has the gall to ridicule you. But she'll pick the oddest times to do so, such as during an unrelated argument or just randomly in passing. This could be a cruel comment about your size, stamina or technique. More grating still is the fact that she would go crazy if you were to reciprocate the slur.
No.5 - She treats people like trash
As someone who believes luxury treatment is owed to her, a bitch has no respect for those who do things for her. She's rude to people who work in the service industry, such as waiters and clerks, seeing them not as human beings, but as robots who exist solely to serve her. She talks at them -- not to them.
She has no compassion for people in need, such as the poor or the sick. "It's their own fault," she'll tell herself and others. More sickening still, she's mean to children, as they are a nuisance and can't do anything for her. And since her existence dwells on envy, she constantly badmouths other women over trivial things, such as their earrings or the way they speak.
No.4 - She never pays
As she thinks that it is the duty of others to provide for her, the bitch is a tightwad. On dates she always selects expensive restaurants and orders the priciest dish and drink, but never offers to pay. She won't pitch in for gas on trips or for food at a get-together. She buys crappy gifts for others, when she can be bothered, usually expecting you to pay for them. And if you mention any of these things, she'll accuse you of being cheap!
No.3 - She bosses you around
A bitch's massive superiority complex makes her think people are born to be her servants, especially her boyfriend. As someone who spends a lot of his time with her, she uses you to do all the menial tasks that she doesn't want to. Sometimes she'll even boss you around for the power trip -- just because she can.
No.2 - She embarrasses you in public
A bitch cares nothing about the feelings of others, not even those of the hapless sap she may be dating. In fact, she uses her man as a punching bag. Sometimes she even berates him in front of his friends, or even hers. She does this either as a power trip, to show others she can, or simply to beat a man's self-worth down to her own level -- after all, misery loves company.
No.1 - She flirts with other men
This is the most intolerable trait of a bitch, which many men sadly tolerate. She'll tease and allure other men right in front of you, never once considering how you may feel about it. There are no bounds to her search for attention and admiration. And to top it off, she'll extract whatever feelings of jealousy she can from you by comparing you to other men.
Can a 'bitch' be a man (my exh) too! Wow...this fits him so well!
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
This is really getting insulting. I know it is not yall's intentions. But it is. I realize she and I both made mistakes. I realize how things are perceived right now. But none of us really knows what is truly happening in her. I have been praying for a change of heart in her among other things such as being led back to God. She is going back to church and in my opinion that is a big thing. She obviously is starting to have a conciounce on some level.
Yes I have hope and faith in God that he will restore things and that he is working on things. I see things happening that I have prayed for, for a long time. I am not going to doubt what God is working on.
I am not saying she is all there yet, but I think she is being led in the right direction. It just takes time and patience as well as prayer and making sure I am ready also.
I am trusting in God to restore this in His perfect timing. Whenever that is, is not up to me. I can't look at the current circumstances and perceive the future off of it. I have to wait and have faith and trust in God.
I appreciate what everyone is saying. And from the outward eye, those are logical conclusions based on past actions. But none of us can see the future or know for sure what is really going on in one persons mind or life. Miraculous things happen out of prayer and faith. Sometimes it takes years, but they still happen. It is quite amazing when you read about restored M's on rejoice ministries or other faith based websites that standers are on.
I have my ups and downs, and right now with the loss of my job, it has obvously gotten me down. But things will turn around. One thing I will say is God always takes care of me and my family. He has never failed in that. It may get stressful at times not being sure what will happen next, but He always comes through.
I can look back and see so many things that I prayed for and they happened. When I really add things up, he has done quite a bit. When there have been failures, it is because I failed by taking things over myself and not letting Him direct and not following His direction.
This may sound crazy to some. I am used to that. But I know what I have seen and I know He is there.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I guess I grow tired of waiting for her to come around and at times ti causes be to back slide.
Kevin
Classic codependency:
People often get addicted to hope: The hope that the person will change. Before anything can change, you first have to deal with that addiction to hope. You have to start setting limits. You have to figure out a plan to change things; one that makes sense. Then move through those steps -- not allowing any backpedaling.
Even misery can be an addiction. People get hooked on their own unhappiness, the victim mentality. They learn to get attention by getting people to feel sorry for them.
There is no strong sense of self. Ask them who they are, and men will give their job title. Women will say I'm a wife, partner, daughter, mother -- they define themselves in terms of relationships. A healthy person would say, 'I'm an independent and adventurous person.' There's nothing wrong with being proud of your job or relationships, but a healthy person should be able to identify characteristics beyond that.
They care about the other individual in the relationship; They know there is a good side to this person. They're hoping against hope that they can go back to the good times -- even when it's blatantly obvious nothing will change.
At some point, they have to wake up and smell the coffee. They have to get beyond their emotions and look at the history of behavior. This has been a pattern. When you can get past the emotions and examine facts, write them down.
Getting professional counseling from a mental health worker, psychologist, or family physician can give you the strength to break away from a codependent relationship.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Following Drew again today. Pretty soon Drew is going to report me as a stalker.
Originally Posted By: Startingover2
Can a 'bitch' be a man (my exh) too! Wow...this fits him so well!
SO2 - I dont see why not. Simply change "bitch to prick/a$$hole" and reverse genders in the above and your XH probably meets all 10 with flying colors.
Kevin -
Not trying to be insulting - just trying to make you see reality. Hey, I believe that I have read you refer to your W as a whore before.
Keep praying - although it aint going to do squat until you deal with your codependent nature and learn to man up a bit more on boundaries and not being a doormat.
