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Wow...thank you guys, that means so much to me...remember that when I start calling you!


So, what did I learn in school today? (IC)


I cannot save him.

I cannot fix him.

I cannot rescue him.



I CAN stop shielding him from the natural conseqences of his decisions, and let him deal with the fallout himself.

I CAN draw and enforce boundaries to protect myself.

I CAN allow him to sink deeper into his self-pity hole, and let him hold all responsibility in climbing back up.

I CAN ignore all texts/emails/calls that do not pertain to our children's well-being.

I CAN write up a February schedule, make it work for ME, and let him deal with his days, on his own.

I CAN allow myself to feel the anger and let it out, (not at Dan) instead of only allowing myself to feel sadness, fear, and anxiety.

I CAN allow my kids to be let down by their dad instead of rushing in all the time to compensate. (This one will be HARD)

I CAN refrain from reaching out to him in any form or fashion, in moments of weakness when I desire a connection. (Hard again)

I can best love him, and myself, by walking away from the merry-go-round and refusing to help perpetuate this cycle of interactions we have created.

Wow! You learned a lot at school!

Now, to get down to doing it!

((((((BobbiJo)))))

Wow, that is all good stuff BBJ!

Here is a little something my SIL always says to me:

YOU DIDN'T CAUSE IT, YOU CAN'T CURE IT, AND YOU CAN'T CONTROL IT

I am thinking I will pass on boot camp in the morning. Not cause I am a quitter, but bc I don't want to further strain the abdominal muscle I strained Monday. Instead I will probably hit the elliptical after school or do some upper body work that doesn't strain my abs...

So, one day down without seeing or speaking to Dan. He left a vm for me this afternoon to call him, then I got a text that he had to meet a customer for dinner, would that be ok?

I just replied "Yep" and did not call back as I felt the matter was addressed.

One day at a time...

You have a very good C BBJ. That is marvelous.

I am totally right there with you on not compensating for Dan's disappointments to the kids and refraining from reaching out to Dan when you feel you need a connection. I battle those things quite often myself. Actually saying the words out loud to Gabe, "I am no longer your safe landing place." got him to (mostly) stop dropping his load of crap on my head when he's depressed. I don't know if he's crying to the broom or anyone, and I frankly don't care. I don't need to hear it anymore.....not my problem. Say it with me BBJ.......It's not my problem. Dan's issues are his to own. Repeat 5 times.

Oh, I'm ready any time girl! Call me up whenever. I'm crashing out on Ambien at the moment but most nights I'm up until at least midnight eastern.

nothing about the kids in that VM!!





In the words of Nike and Michael Jordan.."just do it"

Gotta love that ignore feature.
I have found 100 things to do that are more interesting than thinking about my STBX and what a d!ck he is.
Paint my toes
Call a friend
Smile at a baby
Pray
Open a door for a little old lady
Put on mascara
Put on lipstick
Put on fishnets
...wait...
wrong forum

LOL Goldey

Bobbi:

I cannot save him.

I cannot fix him.

I cannot rescue him.

I'm doing the same in my IC.....they are tough....and really it is school isn't it? Learning, applying, practicing, the letting your kids feel disappointed is hard. The toughest part for me when my H doesn't follow through with our son who is 2.5. Breaks my heart but tell myself I can't be responsible for what he does as a parent. I just focus on being the best mom to him that I can be.

BBJ.... have a great day and go back and reread the last two pages of this!

I am following sandycay's advice and re reading the last couple of pages...
K