Lol...about facing your fears. Why am I so scared to do this? Seems so final...guess because it is right? Wonder if he would sign if I had the paperwork in front of him?
I look at it this way. The divorce is really a piece of paper. I am sure when God created marriage, there was no technical ceremony. So to me, marriage comes from the heart.
That being said, just really ask yourself what is your greatest fear?
When I asked myself this question, it was that I was going to lose SG. And then I realized...I already had. And had survived it. It didn't kill me, and I learned alot about myself and even about him. I would still work on my marriage, given the chance, even if the divorce is final. Although it is final, final does not necessarily equal permanent.
That being said, it does not mean my life has stopped. I am still learning an awful lot about myself. Will I ever be ready to date? Sure, but I have also accepted the fact that today is not the day. I just don't want to. There is still only one man I want, and until I meet someone who changes that, this is where I am, and I am comfortable with that.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
LOL....I'm thankful to have found this support and yours. So insightful and dead on for me. Yes, it's fear of losing him but almost already have anyway. You help me so much more than you know. I know I will survive and it will hurt like hell but when I think about it...what I've been through with him in the last 2 years ...doubtful he can inflict more pain. I can survive this. These are things I tell myself....a lot!
Funny, haven't heard from him since earlier this AM.
I actually heard from SG a bit ago. Sent him a text to make sure he got the email. No response. So I said oh ignoring me again huh? He texted back no he is sick and working, and yes he got the email. Pissy...
What, because I am okay with it, he is going to get mad? Sorry Bud...this is what you wanted. If you have changed your mind, open your mouth and speak up...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Seems like a ping-pong affect with my H and I. My problem is I need to be more of a harda**. I worry too much about everyone else's feelings...there are times where I don't tell him exactly how I feel because I'm fearful for what he'll do...will my words be what causes him to take the whole bottle of pills? Feels like munipulation when I read it...and he definitely uses that at the oppourtune times...but I told him I wish things didn't have to be like this but you're not leaving me much choice.
I think the best thing is to find the happy medium. I pretty much tell him what is on my mind now, but I am also careful to word it with respect. I was mean to him for a very long time, sending random texts and telling him what a stupid idiot he was. I guess I figure if he is still talking to me after all that, I can be nice.
When he made the comment last week about me not wanting to see him, I was honest. I told him it was because this was not something I wanted, but that I also knew I needed to let him go, and that it was not in my own best interest to see him. It breaks my heart because I do want to see him, but am not willing to hurt because of it.
But I also know how to set the boundaries. If I send a text or an email, or leave a message, I expect a response. So it may be a little passive aggressive when I say something like "ignoring me again?" but he gets the hint. Be respectful to me as I am to you.
It is about finding your own niche. Keep in mind, I did not speak to SG for six months, only communicating through text messages, and that was rare. Mostly I was really mean.
But when it comes down to it, it is about two things: protecting yourself while being able to look at yourself in the mirror and like what you see. I love SG. But does that mean I will allow him to walk all over me anymore?
Nope.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
