And that is why it is so important to detach as much as you can. Consider how you might respond to a 3yo or a 13yo who says "I hate you!" You can't respond to your H right now as we might to our kids -- "I'm sorry you feel that way, but I love you, and always will" -- but you can develop a similar internal attitude, with practice, that will shield you from some of the hurt. Think of him as a frustrated, confused and petulant kid, lashing out at anyone in his path, and, as kids do, especially at those who are least likely to abandon him for his behavior.
Yes, I know how painful it is. I've been there. Keep reading, learning, and taking care of you.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Hey Sydney, Your in a hard spot with your H spewing out hurtful things, lashing out...rewriting the past..Its very hard stuff not to defend, not to have your voice heard.
But to defend yourself will do no good and will only add fuel to your H's fire and validate that his perception and opinion are right...
So, as has been said before...vent here, vent in a letter that you burn afterwards..find a way to get past your hurt and angry feelings and have compassion instead.
Your H is not himself and that is hard to truly understand when he acts "normal" sometimes and "alien" at others...
Pick someone's thread here that resonates and read their postings from beginning to end and you will find the long and roundabout ride the MLC journey can be..you'll see the anger, the denial, the replay, the depression..the withdrawal.. now imagine your H going through those stages/phases..How are YOU going to manage and get YOURSELF through this journey?
Get a life, know yourself, know what you want/need, go dim/dark when possible, validate when able, be a friend to our H if/when possible...there are so many things you CAN do to keep yourself going...
Focus on YOU.
M44 H46 T21 Married 16y D14 D12 Bomb 12/08(EA), (PA/Separation)1/09 to 5/09 Home/MC 5/09 to 12/09 Leaves 12/09 Files for Divorce Divorce final 6/30/10.
As much as you want to get back at him, you will probably feel like you have stooped to his level if you do and later regret it. So save yourself the extra pain of dealing with your own conscience in the future. He also probably wants you to get back at him by responding with a mean letter of your own. That way he can feel justified in continuing his poor treatment of you and he can have a "reason" to fight and a "reason" to abandon his commitment.
I have to see him tonight when he picks up my D. I am already a nervous wreck. I am mad, I am sad, I want to hurt him, I want to yell at him and yet I know that the best thing I can do is to act like I am not even affected by him. My heart is broken and my spirit shattered but I don't want him to know what he has done. I was going to try not to be here when he picked her up but he will know I am avoiding him and look at that as weak. I want him to know I can face him and not break!!!
I wish I could transport myself in time and be where some of you are today..........a stronger, DETACHED person who has made it through!!
