I think you are right, you should detach from him. You don't have any need to be talking to him. All it's going to do is draw you back into unnecessary drama.
Definitely need to do that. I get the feeling H wants to talk to me so that he can feel better about what happened. He has a constant need for reassurance and to feel all warm and fuzzy.
Someday I want to marry again and I need to clear my mind and heart for a new relationship. (Not for a long while though!!) But if I never begin this process of detaching, I will never be able to heal so that I can be good for someone else.
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
This week has been okay. I got sad once in a while.
XH called and left a message to tell me he had called me earlier in the week and I didn't answer and he was going to let me know he could clean the sidewalk but I didn't call him back either so he didn't do it.
He sounded irritated. He always expects me to answer and if he doesn't leave a message, I'm supposed to call him back. Yeah right......."Oh, XH, what did you want????"
He also wanted to double check about the insurance b/c I told him that I was pretty sure he was covered through the end of the month - he needs to get his tooth fixed. He said "You can call me back and leave me a message, I'll be in school all day, so you won't have to talk to me."
WHATEVER!
What I want to know is, how can HE be irritated with me, when he's the one that screwed everything up.
The reason I got sad this week is because I was thinking how he's throwing this in my face about how I don't want to talk to him so that I can break free of him emotionally. Then I happened to wonder if I will ever break free of him totally. I hope that someday I meet someone who I can love. Before I met XH, I dated lots of men and just didn't have that connection with any of them. I hope that I don't live the rest of my life looking for a mate, never finding that person that I just connect with. I hope I don't always long for that connection that I had with XH before all of the ugliness started......
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
yes, you can break free of him... if you believe you can...
I highly recommend 'the spiritual divorce' and/or 'healed without scars' ... you can and you will, believe it.
And i'm another one who agrees with all the above posts, you held out way longer than you had to... once I realized that then-h went back to ow I ask him to break contact, he didnt', I told him to leave til he did, he never came back and his life is still a total wreck, he never knows what he wants.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
and Belle, it's ok to be sad, dont' be surprised, when the sad feelings come, recognize them, embrace them... then send them on their way...
which reminds me of another healing book 'eat, pray and love'. Fill your mind with good reads, fill your time. I agree too on cutting all unnecesary ties with him, the less you hear/see him the faster you'll heal -- i only talk/text x when i absolutely have to, we have kids. I cut my own lawn shovel my own snow, you don't need him.
Last edited by cat03; 01/30/1003:17 AM.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I have a lot of books I need to read! But 'spiritual divorce' sounds like a good one.
I started to read "Eat, Pray, Love" right around the time that H left, I didn't like it too much because I compared her to the H. I might try again......
Thanks for stopping by, your words are comforting! I will believe. (I started to write "I will try to believe" and I realized I need to take out the "try to"!!!)
M:36 H:36 M 3 Y T 8 Y No kids Bomb 6/30/08 PA I filed 9/29/09 D final 1/22/2010
