Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again Piecing Without Transparency

I struggle with this issue too from time to time. (x)W has not been very transparent either.

And as you, all I can say is o-well, if she's not, that's her loss.

dday - yes it is a struggle.
I have to keep focusing on all the positives that H has shown. That's what keeps me going.

So why have you not insisted on transparency? Are you afraid of what he will say or do? Just curious.

I understand how you are choosing to respond and that's certainly one way to go. Personally I think that's the way to respond to someone who has been acting honestly. If you know that your H has been lying to you why would you let him continue to cross this boundary without consequences?

I'm not trying to judge, just maybe look at things differently to help you get unstuck.

PH- I asked H for transparency before he returned. Since his return, I've requested it calmly and I've also brought it up when I've been upset. Still nothing. The reason I haven't absolutely insisted on it is that I can never be 100% sure that he's being honest. He already has several email accounts. How can I be sure he won't create another one once he gives me passwords to his current ones? I have access to his cell phone bill which also contains my cell phone records - however, not everything is listed on the bill and he can easily delete texts or calls on his phone. The dishonesty has been more omissions than outright lies.
H has shown many positives and that's why I'm still here trying to work on the M. I'm giving him more time. I want to be certain that I did everything possible. Every day I waffle back and forth on whether I should continue like this.

addie,

Remember, you are "the prize", not him. If he continues to balk, fine, you can leave whenever you want. Have you already forgotten how you got into the piecing situation you ARE in? He became the LBS, and scared the bejesus out him. And now, he's roped you back into to HIS comfort zone. Not the way it's supposed to go.

Hi dday!
Thanks for the reminder that I am the prize, not him. I have to continue reminding myself of that every day.

No problem, sometimes I forget my darn self.

Hi Everyone,

I've had a very rough week. My father has been in the hospital with pneumonia for about 10 days. The pneumonia is actually clearing up now but he has other very serious issues due to his advanced Parkinson's. He is very weak.
To top it all off, my sister and her H are travelling across the other side of the world and not due back until later this week. She's in touch every day to see how dad is doing. My mother has her own health issues but is holding on and has a lot of support from family and friends. It's also a very busy period for me at work. SIGH!!!!

Hang in there addie. It seems life loves to throw all sorts of challenges at once these days.

addie, just saw this. I think I know how you feel right now
Love
K