Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Not Me Ever...part 3

(((Mind)))

Than my mission is complete today

I want everyone to set aside their sitch for one sec and just smile -

Look out your window and see that (unbelievably) the world is still moving forward

(((O'dog)))

Always great to see you - You never fail to make me smile...

Soooooo when is your next tat?

Thanks.

Next one? I thought I was only getting one but now I'm just waiting for the right artwork to inspire me.

How are you Serenity? I hope you and the little one had a good weekend.

Serenity, Ditto ^^^ ^^^ A real, peaceful weekend.

(((Kara))) (((Gardener)))

Thank you both for checking in on me, I am doing well.


Journal~ Long (Go figure lol)

Not much change in the sitch though some change in me...

The weekend was pretty quiet, work Saturday, Church and football on Sunday...

About 9am on Sunday (1 hour before Church) my Mom received a text message from my oldest son, asking her to tell me that his Father and him would be at the house around 11ish to pick up the little one and would then drop him off around 2ish (in reality he kept him for less then 2 hours)...

Little one heard my Mom repeat the message to me so at that point I couldn't deny him going, though I was pissed at the last minute deal and beyond pissed that it came from my son and not my H...

I went ahead to Church and basically was in my own little world and I realized something - I was in all actuality happy however guilt was masking it.

I feel guilty for feeling happy.

I feel guilty when an hour goes by and I don't think about the sitch.

I feel guilty because had my eyes opened earlier, I may have been able to head off the trouble with my oldest son, instead I was so wrapped up in my own pain and feelings, I didn't see him crying out for help.

I feel guilty for trying to plan a future and not including my H in it.

I feel guilty for allowing my beliefs to be changed and then actually accepting the new changes and being joyful with whatever the outcome may be.

I feel guilty for actually thinking something/someone out there may be better for me and my boys and it isn't the man/marriage I am fighting for.

I feel guilty that my boys are getting the short end of the stick where their Dad is concerned.

I feel guilty for actually sticking around for almost a year thinking that I was still good enough for him when in reality, he is no longer good enough for me.

So I took the guilt to the altar and left it there as well.

Today I composed an email to H letting him know I wasn't happy with the way he is handling this - I haven't sent it yet so any input is appreciated.


H,
As I have stated before, I will not keep little one from you however I will not allow older S to be the middle-man between you and I.

It pains me to see that you can't handle this as an adult however S is 14 years old and doesn't need to be contacting me concerning you seeing little one.

If you want to see him and just can't bring yourself to tell me over the phone, then send me an email.

I would appreciate more then an hours notice next time you want to pick him up.

From now on if you pick him up on Sundays, please plan to do it after 2pm because he is in Church with me.

No longer will I respond to older S when he asks if little one is doing ok, how school is going, if he is feeling better etc.

I find it very unfair to older S that you are putting him in the middle of all of our conversations and from this day forward, it ceases.

This is what you wanted so at least be man enough to ask yourself.

S

Serenity,
Guilt is an appropriate emotion in response to things we did wrong that were in our control and therefore our fault
Shame is an inappropriate emotion in response to things that went wrong that were not in our control or our fault.

Review your list. Forgive the guilt (no, you already did that at the altar) and disown and discard the shame; it's toxic.
Scroll down further on this quote and you will see my suggestions for you email to H.

(((Gardener)))

Shame - Never thought that was the feeling - All along thought it was guilt...

However after thinking about it, you are right and I am ashamed, though I shouldn't be.

I should feel proud that I tried for almost a friggen year to hold my marriage together and when I look back at some of the things I have said and done, of course I could have acted or responded differently however when the dust settles and all is said and done, I can still hold my head up high knowing I never lost my integrity, morals, values or self-respect.

Thank you for rewriting my email...I knew mine was to emotional (as usual lol) so that is why I put it here first.

(((Serenity)))You're welcome. As always, I'm happy to help in whatever way I can,

It has been said that in relationships there is no objective viewpoint; each party is, naturally, solely in subjective mode.

So in our sitches, more so than in other areas of life, we need objective viewpoints from others. Which is why we're all here (well, that and to rant and rave and b!tch, too).

Serenity,Having watched along for about 6 or 7 of those months, I can certainly attest to that. Be proud of yourself.