Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Need advice on dealing with wifes MLC

Any thoughts on who that guy was?

Much more care free less worried about things maybe even a little cocky.

I think after I got her I was always afraid of losing her like someone better would come along and she would be gone.I don't know why I was like that I know that she picked me and she has never been a flirt or given me reason to be jealous or insecure.
But I was and it finally pushed her away and now I have figure out what it is going to take for her to want to make our marriage work and not give up and walk away.

Has your wife always been low drive sexually? I find two years co-habitating without any physical intimacy really surprising. What do YOU do to deal with that desire? And what do you think SHE does?

Most of us, after a long number of years of marriage, get extremely comfortable (read that - lazy). We let ourselves go, we let our relationship go...hell, we let most everything go that doesn't involve working and paying bills. The magic fades and the tedium sets in.

You were attractive to your wife at one time. Assuming that there is not a part to your story that you left out, where you committed some ongoing heinous act that made her want to stop loving you and get away, it is possible to find the man that she fell in love with.


But I'll be honest with you.


It's hard work. It's always hard to go back. It takes work, it takes brutal honesty with yourself (something few of us are keen on). And it takes a willingness to bust your ass day in and day out to reclaim the man that you once were.


Your advantage is her not really wanting much to do with you. If she'd rather you just left her alone, well, you're free to get to some of that difficult work.


Oh, yeah. The other reason this is so hard to do?


We'd always much rather focus on our spouse. We'd always rather think about what they need to be doing to make things right. We'd always rather pine away about what we've lost. It's a lot easier to commisserate than to work.


So you constantly have to be kicking yourself in the ass to keep moving forward.


If you really do have a built in three years, rather than fixate on her and the relationship, take advantage of that time to make yourself right again.


Wandering spouses are always more impressed by what they SEE in us than by what we SAY.


Blessings,

Bill

She has never had the sex drive that I do but it was very good at one time.

The two years haven't been with out ant physical contact,there has been a few times when she has come on to me and we would have sex and then the next day back to acting like roommates.

I didn't do anything terrible,there was no cheating or abuse,she just became unhappy a little at a time over the years until she got to a point where I got the ILYBINILWY talk.

She has always kept things in and I was to blind to see how unhappy she was until she got to the point where she was ready to end the marriage.

I am taking this time to work on myself,allot of praying and reading.I am not going to give up we have way to much invested to here to end our marriage because she doesn't have that In Love feeling anymore.

I know that I can't make her do anything or see things my way,she has to go through whatever she is going through and figure things out her way and in her time.

I will be patient and keep working on becoming a better me.

This past weekend my wife bought a sofa bed and put in my office,I guess she felt bad about me sleeping on the couch,she even made the bed for me with sheets,blanket pillows etc.

It is more comfortable and I do now have a room where I can close the door at night if I want to.

She is going out of town to a conference with work for a few days so I will go back and sleep in our bed and I'm thinking about just staying in there when she gets back and if she doesn't like she can sleep on that new sofa bed she bought.

Right on... I would.