I agree with your current plan Rocked. Just work on detaching from his emotions regarding this subject. Remember that H is responsible for his own happiness. I know you want to help, but it's better to let him learn how to deal with his emotions. Your part is to learn how to take care of your own emotions and nothing more.
I was just re-reading this. Didn't sink in the first time I guess...lol. But, Pearl, you are right on the money. This really is my main task right now I think. I am in danger of falling back into my old habit of feeling responsible for H's feelings/happiness etc. Until this sitch, I hadn't realized how much I had done that, but it has been an eye opener for me. I need to keep remembering this. Thanks, my friend!
I agree with not taking on H's emotions. It can be difficult when they seem miserable but you've worked very hard to take care of you and still this is all you can control, even when back together. You still offer him a lot of love and empathy, but ultimately he needs to keep on track with his own life and you with yours.
Hi H4L, I did have a good day, so glad to hear you did too!
Journaling:
Met with Pastor today. The one who broke the PA bomb to me, which I am so grateful for, as devestating as it was. He was so encouraging. Neither H or myself have been able to bring ourselves to attend church since this sitch. Each of us for different reasons, but I know it will be good for us to do that, and good for the kids. OW attended there too...occasionally, but Pastor says she has not been there or contacted him since he confronted her after telling me everything. He apparently told her that I and H would have his support, and he could not support her as well.
Anyway, he affirmed how well I have handled this sitch, and talked about how he has observed other betrayed spouses not be able to forgive, even when WAS is repentant and remorseful. He said he is amazed at how I have been able to restrain myself from seeking vengeance of any kind and been able to handle things with grace and dignity with my head held high.
Well, folks, I just plain needed to hear that.
It did a little bit of healing for me.
And then, to have someone IRL pray out loud for me... I haven't had that either, b/c everything has been such a big secret. I just needed to hear audible proof that someone is caring for me in this sitch.
How wonderful that you were able to talk to your Pastor about this and that he supports you. This should make it a lot more comfortable for you and H to attend church again.
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
Good to hear you had some affirmation from your Pastor all of us like to hear we have done ok, and even better from someone you respect. Hope you are having a great weekend!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
I am glad you were able to have that talk with your Pastor. I can imagine that it made a real difference to hear him supporting you. You are doing well. It is not an easy road and you are walking with grace and strength.
Hope you had a good birthday. I haven't been posting much as work has been crazy but I am still reading along and following my friends.
Congratulations. That support is very well deserved. You have done the strongest, most loving, most difficult thing you can do. You deserved to hear that prayer - hope you can hear ours too when your eyes are closed...
