Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Anyone out there start dating other people yet?

The problem is that the OW is just a band aid. All you're doing is creating more drama for you and your kids.

" it's OW's job as a GF to convince me I have a reason to not go back to W. "

Dude that's just weak. If that's your attitude now, then you've forgotten what it's like to date.

let me get this straight, after your wife lies, steals, boozes it up and cheats on you with a couple different guys, then divorces you and takes you for everything you have, you are advising to spend time figuring out what went wrong instead of moving onward with ones life?

please stuck teach me to read my own fortune in the bottom of this morning's coffee mug.

"you are advising to spend time figuring out what went wrong instead of moving onward with ones life?"

hell no. Of course the LBS isn't entirely at fault. And let's face it, not everyone's sitch involved their S's being with someone else. It's a matter of figuring out what went wrong (on both sides), then figuring out what you really want in a R. And then moving on.

I just think getting someone new for the sake of just getting someone isn't fair to the new person. You're going to have alot of baggage that you're going to drag into the next R if things aren't sorted out in your head first.

Let's put it this way. If our S's cheated on us, we are going to carry that hatred/fear/pessimism (whatever) into our next R. It's just the way it is. We would wonder if what happened in our M is going to repeat in the next R even on an unconscience level. So my point is get yourself knowing what you want and put the last R to rest before getting into a new one.

Of course, that's just my 2 cents.

How do you know if it is put to rest? Won't you always carry the hurt with you until someone helps change your mind through positive action? I will always take some of this experience with me, both positive and negative.

You get to that point where you're actually at peace and finally accept the sitch. Sure you'll carry the insecurities and lessons learned from the past. But they won't be as emotional and cloud your judgement as much as when they're still fresh in your mind.

I agree with you. Although you have to admit there is some irony (and humor) when comparing your advice to your signature.

Peace is a lie.
There is only passion.
Through passion I gain strength.
Through strength I gain power.
Through power I gain victory.
Through victory my chains are broken.

Thanks. Actually the quote is from the Sith (Star Wars) code. Geek reference. It matched when I first got into this mess.

You could always go with the kindergarten rule, jeff. If the situation were reversed, would YOU want to be the OP dated by an LBS?

Band aid? Yes, I'm pretty sure I mentioned that. It's still a part of GAL to many people, and I'd like to hear of anyone else who is dating during the separation that doesn't feel the same way. GAL in itself is a band aid in the beginning, it's starts as fake it til you make it. The drama is not created for my kids - no OW will ever meet my kids before it's serious. WAW seems to have a different approach and it gets her in trouble every time. Our D5 completely refuses to talk to her in front of OM and yet for some reason she does not catch on. Have I forgotten how to date? No, due to responsibilities I don't allow myself to date as I used to. While this sounds nothing less than stupid, my "usual" date consisted of throwing a party, getting tanked, and whichever girl stuck around.... I have been drinking very little since D5 was born and will not go back to the same pattern, nor do I go out to bars. I live in a small midwestern town, and there is no sober recreation in it. The reason we're all here is we're hung up on WAS, and for most of us with another R we would leave for WAS in a heartbeat. How else would you explain dating? I'm in it to have fun, not to start anything serious. If something more serious develops I wouldn't go back to WAW. I'm not talking about a GF actually pleading and begging for me to stay. What I meant was for GF to develop a healthy relationship and a bond I didn't want to walk away from.

I think dating is eventually required to get a life. As a man, I want to be with a woman. I recently gave my WAW an opportunity to date me. We went on one, it was nice. I asked her out again, she turned me down. Time to truely get a life. Get out there and enjoy life. If, by some miracle, my marriage is meant to be, I don't think my dating will be the biggest issue that comes up in counseling. She told me to do it and made it clear that she would. I am well aware of how I failed in the marriage. I spent a year changing and trying to make up for it. Human beings are social animals. I can't be alone forever. I don't want to be alone much longer. I have friends. I have the kids. I do things. It's not the same.