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Again RW and LR you are right! Luckily, I was busy today so kept my mind off of it! I have always done that though...imagining what is going on in someone else's head!!! And...H did call back. He tried at home first and I was already gone, then he tried my cell (which I don't answer at work) and left a message that he was in a meeting and that he had tried to call at home and no answer and then my cell and no answer...am thinking it might have bothered him a little! Told him of S14's issues and he said he would think about what to say to him and then he asked how everything else was going and told him fine and said that was all I wanted and had to get back to work!

What am I doing for me today? Hmmm, after I get dinner for kids, I think I will relax...been on the computer WAY too much the last few nights!!!

LR- I love the ET reference but I always thought he was kinda cute so I better come up with another one! And, you will get back into exercise mode!!!

Unfortunately, no sleep last night! The stops signs were not working! Brain would not shut off!!! A lot of thoughts going in the "is he really worth all of this?"

Then, on the other side, he has still not talked with his oldest son and has not called the kids at all this week (since Sunday). Am wanting to think that this isn't a bad thing. I think once he has that talk, then that means he really is done with our M.

I haven't been keeping a journal but think I will start. My Dr. said she kept one her whole life and when her teenage son was going thru things and blaming her for her H walking out on them, she had him read it! She said that he changed after that!

I am thinking that H and I need to talk about finances, his medical bills are coming in and I feel he is the one that needs to call and set up payment schedules. Also, it is bothering me that he just comes and goes on the weekend. I think we need to set up and every other weekend he visits the kids ALL weekend. I can stay somewhere else if he doesn't have his own place to take them to as I'll be damned if I will allow them to go to OW's place.

I am thinking that I will wait until he calls and then bring up these concerns up? I need to get my thoughts on paper as I seem to not be able to talk to him with out some kind of cheat sheet nowadays!!!

Any thoughts or suggestions would be welcome!!!

Ok...cleaning the toilet and had a HUGE moment of clarity. DIL called earlier and said that H's sister asked her again what was going on with us so DIL told her. She said since she saw him with OW with her own eyes she thought it would be ok. I agreed. She also told me that OW was with H AGAIN at therapy. H knows that DIL goes there at the same time. OW stays in "our" truck in the parking lot. WTH is he thinking? He has not even made an official announcement to ME or our children that he has choosen her over us. H is being disrespectful not only to me and our kids, now our DIL AND with such a huge possibilty of running into any of my co-workers, clients, our friends etc. etc.

I can't believe what a different person he is! IF he has any thoughts of us parting as friends...I can't even fathom that right now. I feel I have to say something to him about this. He could at least wait until we are official...I don't even know right now if I want to continue with DBing. I am just not sure he will ever be someone that I could ever respect again!!!

Loving distance is no longer loving....

It's just a slap in the face huh? I'm sorry your H chooses to disrespect you and your family like that....is typical though. This bad behavior by the wayward spouse just gets uglier and uglier.

Stay strong!

Yes, luvless it is! This really is not him! One of my former co-workers stopped in today and we talked. She has been married 3X. The first one, she stayed in for 11yrs after her H told her on their 1yr anniversary that if he had a chance to marry her again, he would not...they had 3 kids. Soon after her D she M again and after 1 week of M, he had her backed up against a door with his hand around her neck. They had 1 child together. 4 yrs later, she is now M to a very nice man who takes care of her, respects her and loves her children! He is not at all what she thought her type (big, strong, manly) was, but she said that what is INSIDE and how he treats her and the kids more than make up for what is on the outside!!! Just thought I would put a "happy ending" out there!!!

CW,
Don't forget, there is a reason people on these boards refer to the WAS as an "alien" and "in a fog". For some reason, when they get in these A's or a MLC, they do become a different person. It is important to remember that... not to excuse their behavior, because there is NO EXCUSE, but instead to help make sense out something that makes no sense at all.

I can tell you from personal experience if you can hang in there and DB, the fog does eventually start to lift. Now that my H is away from the influence of OW, and the addictive quality that many A's have, he is in disbelief himself at what he was thinking, the choices he made etc.

Hang in there!

About whether to initiate conversations about finances... just like about your S14, if it is really important, you have every right to bring it up. If it is not urgent, wait until he initiates contact and then bring it up to him.

Hope you do some GALing this weekend!

Thanks RW-I know you are going thru a lot yourself and it really means a lot to me that you find time to come and give me some words of wisdom!

I was positive that talking about finances would be ok and I also think that I do need to set some boundaries with when he sees the kids. I don't think it is fair to them for him to just pop in and out! Last week, he didn't even stay as long as he said he would and they were very disappointed!

I am also thinking that asking him to not bring OW to therapy sessions until he figures things out would be a good boundary to set. It is really hurting DIL. Good idea or bad?

I forgot to say that I did have a nice thing happen to me today! I got to work and went to the coffee shop next door to get a coffee(duh!) and the young,nice looking man that owns it said "everytime I see you, you are getting smaller" and I smiled and said thankyou and something dumb like "when you hit your 40's, ya gotta do something" and he said "40's?...no way" so I just said "I knew I like you (name)!" I am going to have to get coffee more often!!! ;-)

Yeah CW's working that mojo lol!

Yep foggyland is where they live and as RW said they even inhabit it occasionally when they do come back but it gets less foggy over time..

Definitely agree with the boundary of not taking OW to therapy, or you could say its upsetting DIL and being unthoughtful. Although as you have very little control over him he may resent this and chuck his toys out of the pram, so be prepared to duck.

Personally as he now sees fit not to hide his other R, I wouldnt worry too much about what other people see or hear. Just dont get into conversations about it as it can make it to uncomfortable later with people having too much knowledge.

Not a lot to say today sorry but keep GAL and smiling how ever hard it might seem.

Thanks LR

I like the idea of saying that it is making DIL uncomfortable and leave it at that! H called today while I was gone and said he had to work last night so no visit today but would probably come tomorrow. He talked to D11 so no other info than that.

What I did for me today? I rented a steamer to take down wallpaper in my bedroom- 3 layers to be exact and didn't even get half way done! The ceiling is also papered...ugh! Now, I am getting ready to go watch grandsons for a couple of hours. Next weekend I have galing plans!

Hope you are having a good galing weekend LR!!!