Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Angry

My very depressed H has bailed on my son again. Makes me so mad. It's my H 30th birthday today. My son has been talking about wishing him happy birthday and daddy making a wish. We made him cupcakes last night to bring to his house tonight.
My H said he didn't want to do anything I said this will take 10 minutes. I asked him if 445 would still work today...
his response:
“I just need to get out of this house. I told you last night that it might not work hun”

Makes me very angry that once again I have to answer to my son, help him through disappointment with his father. My h is laid off..get out of the house for the first 8-9 hours while we're at daycare and work.

Makes me sad....the cupcakes and candles sit in the car...I feel like leaving them on his doorstep.

I don't blame you for being angry dear.

I learned that you cannot make a person be a parent. Right now, your H is so full of himself that he cannot even see that he is hurting your S.

Okay niceties over. Is it fair? Hell no. The guy is being a total jerk to deserves nothing but to get the cupcake smashed in his face.

But...

Its not going to teach your S anything.

The only thing you can do is not mention Daddy, and that way if he does show up, or allows you to show up there, it can be a surprise for your son.

You are going to find yourself being mother and father right now. Trust me, it sucks big time, but someone has to be the parent. That has fallen solely on your shoulders. And if the M does not resolve, you will get to a point where he will see your S, but you will still have to be the real parent. He will be the Disney parent.

My suggestion? Don't speak to him for a few days. Let him suffer in his own guilt, trust me he will feel it. He will do more harm to himself than you can do to him.

I've been telling myself that all afternoon. I can't control him. He is making these choices and there his to live with not mine.

Great advice...great advice, as always. You are right, I've been the mother and the father pretty much from 4 months on....our son is 2.5 now. I'm use to it, use to doing it by myself. Ohh, man put so well "Disney parent".

I'm going to be busy until Sunday afternoon. So have no plans to get in touch with him. What I feel like doing is smashing the cupcakes right in his face as you said. Selfish. He is a martyr.

Ohhh....feels better to get it off my chest.
Stay away from litigation and family law...those are the two things I've learned.

Yep. They are very similar. Also very emotional.

Smash his face with the cupcakes all you want. Just only in your mind

If you are in the alternate universe, find me. I have glasses and a really German last name. L E B E N S I E G

awwww yes, I got it -- watch for me soon.

I'll be looking over there as well, but really wanted to add...
Are you reading 'The Language of Letting Go?' because Jan 14 was about how to express Anger in a healthy way.
I'd like to smash a few cupcakes up someone's....I mean in... someone's face. Goldey is picturing butter cream frosting in the eyebrows. Peace.

Gold,

I am not....always up for good suggestions with books. I like to read and especially when it can help me. I'll have to scope it out on Amazon.

I read Mars and Venus moving on or some shiznit like that. It did help a bit, but I think the only thing that heals is .... time....

I remember when this all first started for me everyone would say that "time this time that" I didn't want to hear it because it didn't fix it right then in the moment or take the pain away but I have found that truly time does heal.