Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Wife wants best of both worlds

Things are going pretty good. Trying to focus on myself and the kids but easier said than done.

My W and I see each other during the kid exchange but that is about it. I am nice but do not really atempt to initiate conversation unless it is about the kids.

Still no mention of the intro. From the reading I have done, most suggest waiting 6 months before intoducing the kids to someone else. We are at 6 months so it will happen soon. She is probably going to wait and see how the family C goes before making her move. I am doing my best to keep it out of mind. It is going to happen and I am prepared for it. It will be emotional but it will not realy change anything for me. I will be nice and support the kids, but not her R with the OM.

I told her this morning via email I want her to push on getting the D done; I want this monkey off my back. I explained to her I no longer want to be married (not sure if this is true or not)but that I was not bitter and that I was looking forward to working with her to raise two loving and beautiful children. So we have been exchanging emails working through some of the D details. Not a fun process but necessary.

Do you think she would do intro to the kids w/o telling you first? That would be cruel. Don't you think a more likely scenario would be to intro him as a casual friend, and then whatever. Not that I would let her get away with that, but who knows what they are thinking. I must admit that I think it will be hard on the children no matter what.

I feel the same on our Separation aggreement which is costing us both money because whe will not work directly with me, she refuses to face the consequences of her decisions to our kids and how much they are going to suffer. When I type that, I do get angry. Anyhow, if we can get the sep agreement behind us then that is the set up for divorce and all we have to do is wait. I will definitely be in the same boat as you soon, unless she has some revalation sometime soon.

I hope she tells me but, at this point I am ready for anything. I brought the subject up about a month ago when I was upset after learning about her hollidy plans (man, I was upset). I asked her what her plans were and she said she did not have any...liklely full of crap.

I will make sure the boat is well stocked with adult beverages...All a-board!!!

The best thing you can do is be available to the kids if/when she introduces them to OM. The way their minds work I don't know if she would end up telling you that it is going to happen.

I honestly don't know what I would do if I met someone amazing that I was seriously dating. I personally would probably wait a good amount of time before there was an introduction. However, we are logical and the WAS is not.

Good luck.

I keep telling myself I am going to be the three C's if she does not tell me. However, for her not to tell me would be very wrong and irresponsible. I want the ability to prep them as well. My W tends to try to avoid conflict so who knows what will happen.

This is going to be hard on the children; they are now just realizing what D means and not to toot my own horn, but I am a better parent that she is. She knows this.

If you met someone in the future would you tell your STBXW before the children met the person?

I am only asking because I am looking for your opinion since I honestly don't know if I would. I do know that it would take a long time for me to do it if I met someone amazing but I am not sure I would tell my STBXW.

Maybe it is the proper thing to do, I honestly have never thought about it until your post because I didn't think I would ever be in this situation to begin with.

On one hand I think it would be the right thing to do so if the children said anything to the ex they would already be prepared. The other part of me thinks that I would be grown-up enough to explain to my children before they met the person what was going on. Another reason I don't know is because my W never told me that she was going to introduce the boys to OM. Now granted I know she is in a fog and I am not trying to go tit for tat but it does sit in the back of my mind.

I am not even thinking about that b/c D13 knows everything and I know that if W meets OM before D then D13 will not except them ever. D13 already said mom is dead to me. I would almost rather my W be involved with OM so that there is a constant. I never know from day to day what to expect.

Kemp, I think I would tell the W, at least at this point. As time goes on maybe not. I guess really the kid intro is not our business unless it negatively effects the kids. However, I think since this is going to be the first intro for the W (and maybe the last the way there are going) it is something that should be adressed as a family, at least in my opinion. It appears this is not how it typically works though.

I think MHL is right, it will likely be a casual intro as a new friend, and then I will hear about it after the fact. If that happens I will have soemthing to say. I want to know everything that is going on in my childrens life and I do not want to hear about things after the fact.

DW,
How is it going today? She has the kids right? What are you doing, specifically GALing?

I have the kids this weekend so just taking it easy. I think I have accepted the situation for what it is but, I still feel like someone hit me today in the stomach with a shovel.

Received the email... what a small world; very cool!

Kemper, send you a request in a bit.