Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Moving back in

The first night back in my own bed was great for my self-esteem, and I only moved back from the guest room. Good for you DD!
Enjoy your first night back in your own home!

After reading so many posts where the poster seems unable to muster the will/courage/whatever! to move back, it's great to see someone step up and do it.

Pay attention to what RobX said: expect your W to really test you.

I used the "I've decided" line when I told my W I was moving back in our masterbedroom. The fact that I decided on my own still gnaws at her, but I can tell she respects the hell out of it.

DD

Put your feet up on a pillow or throw cushion on that bed and drink a brewsky, smiling all the while...Oh yeah, he's baaackkkk!

Eat crackers in the bed! Haha! And let the dog on the bed, too!

Of course, we're just kidding. This is not a means to purposely antagonize your W. Never forget, no matter how bad it gets, she's a soul, too... Remember your dignity and hers, too.

But yeah...eat the crackers in bed. Great crumbs

Greek

Just don't leave your underwear on the floor. That would be over the top annoying.

Folks, all who have replied, PLEASE keep the assistance coming in, I feel this is a turning point and I need to keep my advantage/ground



Robx you were spot on with the factor of 10..

Ok, I get home at 630 and take the kids out to dinner and get back at 10:00.. W comes into the Master BR as Im changing and says
W "we need to talk"

DD " what would you like to talk about?"

W "about you moving back in"

DD "well, I decided that this was in the best interest of the me and kids. I need to be near them more and not just the occasional dad"

W " what about our decision to separate and give it 6 months"

DD "well it's been about 4 months, I've done a lot of work on myself and I am emotionally comfortable where I'm at. What did you expect after 6 months?"

W "that we would work on our D"

DD "well, I'm sorry you feel like that. I know you want a D, and you know I want to heal the M"
"we didn't decide when I moved out so why should we decide if I can move back in?"

W "MC was right, you dropped a bomb in session", "that's it I want a D, you just cant come back here after being separated for months and just come back, we both have to decide". "Well me and the kids are all moving out Feb 1, We'll rent a town house down the street, the kids can see you as often as they like"

DD "I don't think that is whats best for the kids to up root them and move them out of the home they are settled in. If you'd like to leave fine, but I believe its in the kids best interest to stay where they are at.

DD "well, it was not a formal separation, I took some time off for myself while maintaining all of my obligations here at the house"

W "well lets see what the police say, I'm calling the police and getting a restraining order against you, I cant trust you near my computer"

(DD-I poked around her computer looking for info and read some of her work email)

DD "OK, call them we'll tell them I left for a bit so we could get our selves straight, no official legal work, and I decided to return. besides I have stayed here for the past 3 days and on and off over the past few months, I never abandoned this home"

W "You talked to a L didn't you,, Ahh that's it, you talked with a L. Well, I'm calling mine tomorrow and getting a restraining order against you"

DD "I'm sorry you feel the need to have to do that. I'd rather discuss or issues "

W "It's your Testosterone replacement, isn't it,,thats why youre like this, your taking too much,,that what it is.

DD "I've been working on myself, getting my head straight and working on my issues, I believe I've done a good job"

W walks to the guest room, turns and scowls Good night and closes the door.

Whew!! holy crap what a Sh@t storm, she is PISSED on ice, W kept repeating I want a divorce, thats it I want a divorce. Her irrational talk was just justification for her and her comments were at me were intended to belittle my actions...

The only down side was the W was in full mode in front of the kids S15,D12 so I calmly told them, kids mom is calling the police to come here and speak with dad, I don't want you to be afraid or upset, but this is what mom is doing, you kids are not in trouble.

She never did call, but then we went on the back patio and W stated I cant believe you said that in front of the kids,, I replied that I will not lie to the kids or misinform them, I was telling them info based on your actions in front of them.

W stated well if we talk to them we need to decide what to say. I replied, I will not lie or misrepresent to the kids. I will tell them the truth, not sugar coat half truths.

I'm shaking as I write this,, I know I did/said the right things, I'm a bit stressed and freaked (w did not see me like this)

This board has been a tremendous help in reestablishing my self, Please, any comments or recommendations on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated, I'm too nervous right now to think clearly, I want to DB and make sure it is effective for ME!

HUGE EFin grapes dude!

Congrats on standing up and doing what needed to be done.

I've got no advice but you are in good hands here.

givens:

stay away from the computer.

only relationship talk should be @ the MC

Be prepared mentally to find out soon that there was another man in the picture.

put an exterior (key locked) door handle on your bedroom door. get rid of the interior handle with the cheesy lock. trust me.

What reasons are are you suggesting the lock?

All of my checking has turned up zero on OM right now. Does not mean it's not possible tho.

What are your thoughts on computer keylogger software to look for signs of OM? The computer is personally owned with marital income and the kids also have acces to it.

She is still super Pissed

because those interior locks can be popped open with a tooth pick and when she goes on a pissy tangent. YOU MUST BACK DOWN walk away and either surround yourself with your kids (however they are kinda old for that) or lock yourself in your room.

As soon as you hear "restraining order." DUCK and video tape shes got a bug up her a$$

IDK about that computer. Id assume it got wiped clean while you slept last night.

DD, good on you for all of this.

Let her call the cops, let her move out, let her file for D...if that's what she wants.

I also think it was a good idea of you telling the kids about the cops beforehand. She definitely never expected that and it made her look like a ding dong (no offense).

Big hugs for you!